The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others.
We became addicted to excitement.
We confuse love and pity and tend to "love" people we can "pity" and "rescue."
We have "stuffed" our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (Denial).
We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem.
We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings, which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us.
Alcoholism is a family disease; and we became para-alcoholics and took on the characteristics of that disease even though we did not pick up the drink.
Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors. Wow first time looking at the step work for step 4 I see how I could relate to a dry drunk . It's like my A empty his drink out and I jumped in that puddle we call pity and see how I say I'm suffering im drowning . I admit I'm a non drinker with drunk behaviors I see why I am in a fog every now in then and I see how some one bad behavior can be carryed on to the other person . Back 7 months ago I. Had someone asked me how long I Been sober and I was like WHO ME . I don't drink but I see how I can present that way of a dry drunk . His cup is empty and my pity pot is full now time to dry it up . I want to be well I need to better my life is precious and I can make that chose to change and courage to learn and move on and the wisdom to know better. I know my defects I told them yes I still feel shameful but im honest about it I didn't chose my life as a kid but I can chose my life as adult . Good night
Rosemary the clarity of this post is so clear that it makes your earlier posts shrink in comparison. I've had and heard of moments of clarity in our program and it is something else to witness them. The topic of Understanding step 4 is really important...so very important because for me doing that step well led me to understand the person I had lived with for so long and knew nothing about...me. I like your discoveries because they are familiar to mine. I had not seen the use of the word para-alcoholics before and I understand it. The early description of the disease of alcoholism mentions, "we become as sick or more than the alcoholic because we do not have the anesthesia of alcohol to block out reality...." I relate. Keep coming back (((((hugs)))))
Your courage and wisdom are powerful reminders of how this program works. Step 4 is a stepping stone to freedom and I am so glad that you are working it.
I live with a dry drunk........... He tried to explain his feelings but hard for me to understand. He doesnt work the program or go to meetings. But I do feel bad for any one with that.., that feeling! Good luck to you, I hope you take charge of you and feel better.... Like I tell myself everyday he doesnt do anything for himself one day at a time.
-- Edited by Iwantthingsback on Monday 21st of October 2013 02:34:23 PM
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Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try.
Just remember "one day at a time". You got there over many years and it is foolishness to think that studying hard will get you well quickly. Just make one day happy for yourself. One day satisfying. One day loving your kids and yourself. And then tomorrow is another day. We say we peel ourselves like an onion and find new stuff underneath in the next level.
