The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Unfortunately about 80% of the folks at the f2f meetings that I go to, are there because they have kids on drugs. They are going through all kinds of hell and have awful stories to tell every week. They get on their soap boxes and that's it, no detail left out. They are not working the program, and just come for a place to vent . They are totally wrapped up in the kids every move, and are not trying to get help for themselves. I don't feel motivated to keep going. I have been to 7 so far. I need a sponser, but don't see anyone that I would want to ask.
Please give it a chance- don't leave before you start to see the miracles happening. I'm a very late bloomer- didn't think Alanon f-2-f was for me and stopped going, only to return years later because it was the only place I could go and truly get help. Look for the similarities. Keep going- one day some one will show up and will have what you want... that's how I found a sponsor.
I echo Bud's comments as well... Sometimes, as tough as it might be to accept, WE just aren't quite ready.... The old saying is that we will seek recovery for ourselves when we are "sick and tired of being sick and tired" is a good one.
My experience is that the detail and/or addiction isn't really all that relevant, as "addiction is addiction is addiction".
My early story of Al-Anon goes like this...
My AW's drinking was out of control, and I was desperately in need of help, sanity, etc... I went to a couple of Al-Anon meetings in my small town, and was disappointed. What I found was a bunch of bitter old women, complaining about their AH's.... I felt no connection with them, so stopped going....
Fast forward about two more years.... my AW's drinking was even more out of control, and I was dying inside.... I went back to Al-Anon, and found an incredible support team of wonderful people... sharing their experience, strength, and hope.... they were both encouraging and welcoming to me.... I learned from each and every one of them.... the funny thing is, it was pretty much exactly the same group that I had walked away from two years prior!
I wish you well
Tom
__________________
"He is either gonna drink, or he won't.... what are YOU gonna do?"
"What you think of me is none of my business"
"If you knew the answer to what you are worrying about, would it REALLY change anything?"
thanks, I'm going to keep going. I find myself helping others,as I have the mentally ill homeless son, who self medicates also. So maybe that's what I'm supposed to be doing right now. Maybe I'm being helped, by helping???
Wow. That's bad. We don't have anyone with drug issues at our meetings. It's just not allowed. Someone told me it dilutes the main purpose of alanon. They would go to na support groups. Are there group consciousness meetings where you could raise the issue?
thanks, I'm going to keep going. I find myself helping others,as I have the mentally ill homeless son, who self medicates also. So maybe that's what I'm supposed to be doing right now. Maybe I'm being helped, by helping???
islandtime
Sharing our experience , strength and hope is how we grow and recover. Being honest and humble is a gift we give to others and grow from the doing. I do believe you have answered your own question.
Listen for the tools, the slogans, the Steps and learn as much as you can. There is always a lesson in each meeting.
Our groups include parents of kids on drugs. Amazingly, the real preference after folks learn more about alcoholism is alcohol - that is the core issue for a lot of the kids on drugs. My son could easily admit to drugs. He fought admitting that his first drug of choice was alcohol. His Dad did the same. Now my son admits he is an alcoholic although he fought that in himself for a long time. He had the idea if he drank beer, he couldn't be an alcoholic. I also think continued attendance at meetings will be a help to you as well as to the people in the rooms. The disease operates the same although the side effects might be different. I don't really think they are that different based on my own experience with a cross-addicted husband and son.
Keep an open heart and see what happens...try other meetings, too. When I have come out of meetings complaining in my head about the meeting, usually something has been triggered within me and it is an opportunity for insights. If something about someone is bugging me, at times, it is something about me that bugs me....I love how that works
Keep an open heart and see what happens...try other meetings, too. When I have come out of meetings complaining in my head about the meeting, usually something has been triggered within me and it is an opportunity for insights. If something about someone is bugging me, at times, it is something about me that bugs me....I love how that works
Yep Paula, I learned that in the early years, and it still works for me...!
We should have known one another and switched towns ages ago. I arrived and everyone of the people had married their A, not a one in the bunch with sons or daughters in trouble. Our situations were flipped. I kept thinking, so why did you marry them? They kept wondering so if you and your husband weren't A's how could you have raised them. Either way, the slogans and traditions and steps are 100% on target no matter who your A is. I too wanted to walk away after the first few meetings but not out of frustration from their shares. My issue was I was terrified once I began to share I would be crying like a baby in front of total strangers. True that, I stayed, I finally shared, I did cry like a baby and I had never found so much love and support and understanding in my life not even with family members. These people "Got It" they understood the disease is the same for anyone suffering from it. Good topic. Glad you posted. Keep going back there are miracles in those rooms. Free for the taking, waiting to be had all you have to do is show up.
Great to hear you are willing to continue to keep going Islandtime!
That was my thought exactly, you never know JUST WHOM YOU MAY BE HELPING AND MAYBE THAT'S YOUR HP'S PLAN FOR NOW!
And....When we get busy listening to and helping others, we get out of ourselves:) Tends to shed a new light on my life:)
and makes me very grateful because there are always cases worse than mine...and you could be the teacher even being new, that the help truly is in working the 12 steps and not just a social club or a place to vent:)
Thank you for sharing! So glad you are here!! ~HUGS~
Sorry to hear that. I finally found one I could attend after work, last night, and it was the SAME thing :( I was very let down. No one in there was dealing with anything close to what I am. And one lady said to me, why are you with him? Why don't you just leave?! Really? I went there to learn and for support not to hear that. And I didn't even get a chance to really talk. I get more out of the boards and my own self help than I did last night.
__________________
Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try.
I can understand why you are frustrated with that kind of meeting. It's good to know we do have choices. You might learn something by keeping an open mind and returning to that meeting, who knows? But I am here to tell you that I started out new to Alanon by attending TWO different alanon meetings every week. They were quite different, and that was good for me as I look back on it. Best to you, wp
We had 1 member who definitely 'enjoyed having the floor'. We got the hear about everything form their dead cat, to their take on the advantages to having connections in the business world. One day they commented on one of the 20 questions. It was the one about constantly seeking approval. They went on about how they never got a pat on the back for putting away chairs at the church they volunteer.
After many eye-rolls and people looking at each other, as GR I saw it as my perogative to pull them aside and remind them that it was ok to pass, if they didn't have anything to share and to try and keep the meeting on topic. Thankfully they cooperated,
However, in your case it seems as though it's the majority of the members that are doing this. I recommend finding a new meeting. Eventually others will follow you out the door and they'll be stuck wondering why noone is coming.
In our small town we struggle to keep Alanon going... ...today we don't really ask what the drug of choice is...
