Waiting to hear what happened - Al-Anon Family Group

Rose50 · Senior Member

Waiting to hear what happened

oldergal · Senior Member

Something bad happened to HIM, not you and so if you use your program YOU will not deal with it, the problem is his.... in support OG

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

(((Rose)))

You are not alone HP will give you the courage and wisdom to walk through this

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

((((( Rose )))))

OG is right....something happened to him and there is nothing you can do to fix it. He is alive and well so whatever it is he will have to deal with it. Nothing he can't fix if he wants to. They will learn one day at a time.

Please get close to your HP now...this too shall pass....it always does.

We are here for you so your not alone

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

oldergal wrote:
Something bad happened to HIM, not you and so if you use your program YOU will not deal with it, the problem is his.... in support OG

DITTO......what happened is for HIM to deal with.....it isn't on your side of the street......

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

You are doing great.

However I must say, now I am wondering what happened!!!!! debilyn

Rose50 · Senior Member

Not sure I really want to know what's going on with him. It's been one crisis after another these last 6 months. Yes - it's time that Mom steps back and allows him to face any consequences.

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Sending you lots of support and prayers, too, Rose. What's happening right now with you? How's life - apart from your son's calls and crises - been for you? I think a lot about you and hope your days have some sunshine and some fun in them for you, too. (((R)))

oldergal · Senior Member

Confessions of a mother of an alcoholic for 15 yrs

After I got smart, I didnt want to know what was happening with my son. It was never good. And I couldn't control it, I didnt cause it either. I would immediately go into fear and worry. I finally realized it was his thing not me...he got himself there because of alcohol and the only way he was going to get out is to realize DUH! what did I do that for....! It took many mistakes. And on a more serious note I had to resign myself that he might die, not a very good thing to do, but I found no other way to stop the stressing, when I faced the final picture, I started changing for the better. He is yours God, I can't help anymore its driving me looney. ...take what you need and leave the rest. in support OG

Rose50 · Senior Member

grateful2be:

I am going through a rough time right now, my son's problems aside. Still looking for work - I had a couple of interviews this past week that didn't work out. I did get some feedback that I interview well and am qualified to do the job but I wouldn't be a good fit for their team. That is something beyond my control - I realize that. So I keep searching but it gets very discouraging. I've never had a harder time finding work.

oldergal:

I have reached the point where I know this disease may take my son. I need to face reality, but I will never give up hope.
Where there is breath, there is hope. I place him in God's hands.

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Rose, I get suspicious with this kind of drama. This was a tactic used to keep me within the madness and its designed to have an effect on you - make you fearful of worried because often that is the desired reaction. My son did this often and I fell for it for years. It was due to the fact that when I was in this heightened state of anxiety I was easier to manipulate and control in some ways. Im not saying your son is doing this, I know my son was not really consciously doing this, well I dont think he was, but the fact was this is what happened.

Rose50 · Senior Member

el-cee:

I haven't looked at it this way but you certainly have a point. He has been good at manipulation although I don't believe it's done with any bad intention or malice. Just part of the disease.

God, please help me in stay in the moment.

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

I know how hard it can be to stay in the moment. Been there many times and I'm sure I will go though more. I find if I just sit, close my eyes and feel/listen to myself breathing I find some peace in it. Keeping my mind blank as can be possible. I will read, call somebody, cry and breath some more until the fear subsides a little.

Keeping you and your son in my prayers.... keep coming back...we are here

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm sorry, Rose. I can understand how discouraging it to seek employment and not seem to find it. I went through a period like that in my life. One of my bosses in a temporary job called me aside one day and asked what was happening with me. I told him everything. He just seemed so kind and really interested. This is what he said to me: "Don't get discouraged. Get excited every time a door to a job closes. You are being led to the job that is right for you. Keep searching. I promise you are closer now to the door that will open for you than you were when you first started the search." He was right. I'll be praying, Rose, that you go in the direction that you intuit is your HP's leading straight to the next work in your life that is now right for you. I also learned that gratitude lists helped me get through the finance issues I had at that time and volunteer service in things I really wanted to do. It wasn't easy, but I made it with HP's guidance and support.

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

I agree Rose, these behaviors may not come from malice but from the disease. I think when we become aware of this tactic we and them have a fighting chance. We can choose to react or not react. Your son needs you to not react because that halts the justification he searches for. He is looking for you to react to his drama, that supports his disease which keeps the cycle going so effectively it is enabling him to continue on this destructive path. If you are aware of this tactic you can respond with calm non reaction, he will be forced to look to another helper or search for another way to keep his disease alive. These new ways are not as easy or comfortable so it makes it harder for him to continue. He may reach the point where he gets sick of being sick. Nothing is guaranteed of course but you get to have a clean conscious, you have not enabled this journey of his.
Try reading 'The Merrygoround called Denial' its an eye opener. x

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.