The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
He received my message and called back with a snarky tone:
him: "ok....I'm going to make this real easy for you....pick me up at the train station at 5:15" me: "Sigh......" him: "what? Am I disrupting your busy life? I'm not asking you to come all the way out here, what's the problem?" me: "I'm not doing this for you every week. Why don't you stay there?" him: "It's just the train station, you're starting to piss me off you know? I've been here for a week Jim....I need to get back to normal life. You and your sister are going to get a stern talking to when I get home" (we're 27 and 29 for the record)
Me: Who cares! (silence)....who cares.... Him: "You don't care!? Fine I'll take a 'xxxx' taxi, thank you, goodbye"
I hung up slightly before him and I could hear his voice wimpering and he began to cry as he was saying goodbye.
I have to say I felt great. I stood my ground, did what was best for me. He needed to hear that. He's in the right place to hear that as he's in a rehab.
He's a selfish man who takes the sanity from everyone around him. I'm the third person to tell him no. He was pissed. People are fed up of him and his disease. If he's that excited to leave a rehab after 6 days, and get back to his 'normal life'.....he has noone here. He has nothing here. There is nothing normal here. Even if he was normal, it's not like he's been stuck in the woods for a year, he is at a treatment facility with chefs and cleaning ladies.
I called my sister and talked. I called my sponsor and left a voicemail.
I feel such a sense of relief.....I pray my higher power is with me and guides me and my father along our destined paths.
Thank You Al-Anon and MIP
-- Edited by canadianguy on Thursday 17th of October 2013 09:59:30 AM
I am facing a decision. My dad is in his second stint in rehab and they gave him a weekend pass to go home this weekend. He has asked that I pick him up. It's a 45 minute drive without traffic. He simply left a voice mail so he'll call back. I don't want to do it, and then sit in a car with him for another hour. We all know why he's so antsy to come home. So he can get in a quick drunk and have someone drive him back. He doesn't have friends here, no spouse or gf. Me and my sister are not overly excited to see him. He has no reason to be home for the weekend.
I won't let him manipulate me. He said 'I might take a cab if I have to'....Well, you might have to. I will not be picking him up.
I'm think along the lines as PC. There are no locks on the gates but if my son walks out that gate he's done. I know I could visit on Saturdays for 2 hours but I even re framed from that. He doesn't need me right now. He needs to only take care of him. I will be grateful to wait a year to see him if that's what it takes.
I wouldn't let my son come/pickup or see me if he called.
Maybe check the rules at the rehab. that way your mind is at rest. But your doing the next right thing for you...
(((( hugs ))))
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
And he can take his taxi home and you can do what you need to do for you. I hear a sense of entitlement in his "Okay, I'll make it easy for you, pick me up at the station at...." Well, he just learned that you don't owe him rides when he demands them. He also learned that a stern talking to isn't going to make you change your mind. Now - you get to do what you wanted to do for you. He gets to feel his feelings and take advantage of what is offered to him at rehab or drink. A week that he hasn't had a drink. That's the normal he wants to get back to it sounds like. You aren't making it easy for him to return to that normal or at least you aren't driving him to it. Detachment - although a little rough at first - is detachment all the same. Others may not agree with me, but I think you did what you needed to do for you. What he decides to do is on him. You're right. He's in rehab. He can stay or he can go. What he does is his business. What you do is yours.
You did what you knew in your gut needed to be done. It was hard and you did it anyway...well done. In spite of your dad's illness, he helped raise an awesome son.
You did the right thing and we can pray it puts the thoughts in his mind he doesn't have any more enablers to help him. He will be alone in this and might seek help with people he needs to help him now.
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
