The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Welcome to Miracles in Progress I am so very sorry to read of the loss of your precious pet and am happy you found us and reached out. I have been in program for many years and know that my recovery is one day at a time. I must stay with these principles and meetings for a lifetime or I will also slip back into my natural state of negative thinking.
This is a simple program for complicated people I suggest that you pick up your tools of living one day at a time, focused on yourself, saying the serenity prayer when you feel lost or angry and keep coming back You are not alone.
-- Edited by hotrod on Wednesday 16th of October 2013 07:37:49 PM
Hello all, I'm feeling so lost..so sad. I have lost who I am..I have been in the program for years.. but in the last 2years I really don't like who I have turned into. So much back sliding..lost of contact and belief in a higher power..
Hence to say two years ago I got into another relationship and worked really hard at making this one work. So hard the I have lost myself in the process. Of course we are fighting.. she quit drinking but never embraced the program or the way of thinking. She is really anti spritual.... and I have let that wear off on me... I know it's not her fault its just part of the life I live in.
And I am so ashamed of the example I have set. Been in program for 23years. So many good positive happy years.... but now I am feeling so lost... such a bad example, I have let my spiritually, my fitness and finances slide in to disarray. (I have a good job, a new doctor appointment with a new doc for my tummy, and should be able to do more to increase my overall health and fitness.
This has all come to a head when I had to put my 13year old dog down last week.(tears as I write this) I don't have kids so this has hit me very hard. I have also had stomach problems this whole year... many doctors no solution... few understand what its like to feel this day after day for this long. It has taken its toll on me.
So I walk around with an upset tummy everyday feeling like a failure and somehow I have quit believing in the program can help this lost soul.
I don't have a sponsor, I live in small town(50,000 people) no other men in few meetings we have.
I ashamed to be this down... this negative I used to be so positive so full of hope. I want to be that man again... Please any ideas or hope I really need it.
I am new here and just started my recovery..... but you came to the right place (as you learned before). Hang in there and start over if you have to. I have started over many times in life not with addiction things but life things............. It stinks but can be done with effort. :) Keep reaching out! You will feel better
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Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try.
Do you still have a sponsor in program? I know that my sponsor is the first place I turn. I'm so very sorry for your loss, I lost both my old dogs in the past 2 years and eventually got a puppy because I couldn't handle the house without a dog around, LOL! He's brought so much joy and mischief into our lives.
As for your stomach problems, have you tried a naturopathic doctor? I had serious stomach issues for years and managed to fix things with a lot of research and diet changes. My naturopath checked for food sensitivities that were leading to leaky gut syndrome which was causing malabsorption issues and other symptoms like painful bloating, gas, stabbing pains in my stomach, etc. Mostly I have things under control but it took a few years of work and research for me to find my way. I remember having a doctor (who had no other answers for me) diagnose me with IBS. There was a new prescription out at the time and all her office stuff was from that pharmaceutical company and that drug, the pens, the tissue boxes, and the clipboards, etc. Anyway, I knew she would try to prescribe me this medication and when I asked her if I could fix things with diet, she yelled at me and told me, "No! You need medication for the rest of your life. Diet changes don't work." Well, they did for me but I had to take my health into my own hands. I pray you find answers for your stomach problems, you shouldn't be suffering needlessly. Sending you lots of support and hugs!
I too feel that I have lost my way. I went to a F2F meeting last night and it helped so much. I kinda just let things go which means I let myself go. Hard to get back up but we all have to. You take care.
When we're ready for new life, we sometimes enter a depressed state of being and a feeling of being lost. Almost a year ago, although I had worked the Al-Anon program, I felt pretty sad about a lot of things. I found this site - although I had tried it a few years before and couldn't keep up with it because I didn't have a computer at home - and it helped me re-enter recovery in a new way with people I truly think are the real deal. I'm glad you're here. You're not lost. Your HP has been guiding you the whole time. Stay with us and continue your Al-Anon meetings, too. You're part of our family now.
I'm so sorry that you have lost your lovely dog, I'm not surprised you are grieving and feeling down - our four footed friends are so wonderful and precious, it is an honour to know them.
Thank you for posting and showing relatively new people like myself that our journey is on-going and that there will always be ups and down. It is very generous of you and I appreciate it.
It sounds as though you are taking some steps to take good care of yourself though, and there is some great realisation in your post. I imagine that you carry more of your programme than you know.
I've just completed a long haul flight and whilst sitting on the plane for 12 hours it gave me some time for gentle thought and meditation - I started to wonder who it was in me that was pointing out my anxious emotions so I tried saying 'hello'. Strangest thing, a calm voice in my head answered back and said 'I'm watching over you'. I think that this HP is someone that I want to get to know better!
My small town has 700 people...do I get the prize?
One thing I've learned is that life is a series of ups and downs, yin and yang. Sounds trite...but it's really true. You haven't failed! You are human, and you have a right to "backslide" --
I find each time I get up, dust myself off, and keep going..I am a bit stronger, and my life is richer for the learning...(doesn't mean I have to like it though...)
Dogs are such a special blessing...and it hurts SO much when they are gone...sending you solace..
Insight is the first step....and you got it...and the healing will be one day at a time (and 2 steps forward, 1 step back).
I believe you are feeling the loss of your dog...which takes time.
The other is unfortunately you fell in love with another A. Which is so easy to do.
Next relationship, try not to work so hard to hold it. Step back and re evaluate and use the tools of Alanon to renew
your spirit. I think the relationship you were in stripped you of your energy and spirit. Don't let anyone take that from you.
This time make sure you are strong in identity, spirit and connected to HP, all for YOU!
Nothing is a mistake, just learning experiences and were all still learning.
Thank you all for you wisdom and kindness. Today is such a better day. Did many things yesterday to improve my situation, found a temporary sponsor (Thank you very much David), went to another meeting, prayed ...really prayed which I have not done seriously for some time, made an appoint with a naturopath to maybe find out what is going on with my tummy... and went for a little mt bike ride with a buddy(felt nature which i have been missing). So I was feeling lot better.... and of course I came home from my ride and she hit me with more of her problems and drama in her unexamined unhappy life. But I am proud to say I prayed and prayed while she telling her stuff and some how it was easier to hear. I still a little shaken from her action, info (and how it will effect our relationship) she shared with me...but I working the program.... keep saying the serenity prayer has really helped today.. Letting go of her stuff... and focusing on my own problems and trying to do something even if it is a little to make them better.
So I"m off to working the things I can control in my life that I have been putting off for a long time.
Again thank you for love and kindness you all have shown this hurting boy that just happens to be 50 years old lol :)
