The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My AH announced a week ago that he didn't want to go to his AA meeting because meetings make him feel bad. In the past I would have scolded and threatened, saying he had to go if he wanted to stay married. This time, I smiled and nodded, and said, well, you know what's best for you. And then I went to MY alanon meeting. Inside I was panicked, but outside I kept my cool. So a few days later, and every day after that, he's back to his meeting. And today, he used a bunch of slogans as we talked about some money decisions we are considering. It really is true, if I just keep the focus on me, he can focus on him, and with hp's help, things work out. Very grateful for this program.
YAY I am seeing some good positive things today phew! So happy for you. Mine says the same thing, he says it makes him feel horrible and the people they BUS in are there to fantasies about their addiction and he says it makes him want to drink when he leaves. Sad to say, the one in our area they closed because people were in the bathroom doing drug, during a meeting and it was the one he tried to go to and I got mad because he wouldnt go back to it. I felt bad but didnt tell him. And there are others around, not in the best area but...............
I am learning the less I say and less I push the better he does. He / they know what needs to be done (if it was communicated to them). Mine has learned I mean what I say so, if he wants me he knows what has to be done or not done. I dont like it this way but it is what it is.
Happy thoughts
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Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try.
What a powerful example of minding your own business and letting your husband mind his. It sure is a more peaceful way to live, isn't it? Harping and lecturing always just wore me out and might have brought about a little change on the other person's part, but only temporarily. They did it to shut me up. I hated that. I stopped. Sometimes I slip. Not very often now though. Good for you, Paris. Good for you.
I've heard that the response as you made it really works often because it puts the reponsibility right back on them and doesn't give them an excuse to alternate choices because an arguement got in the way. Way to go Paris!! Didn't react...responded. YAY (((((hugs)))))
