Ok heres my experience, strength and hope, this program is progress not perfection. When I came in three years ago, I was so focused in on him that I thought the program would fix him. I kept working my program, reading material, and I began to act as if. I slowly changed, it was not a overnight process and I still have slips. I will never be perfect. The things the program has given me is the courage to change me. One thing I heard recently is if you focus on the bad you will draw it to you. I started to expect the good in my life, and I started to take care of me. Think for myself, what to I need for me, to bring me peace and serenity. Our relationship went from hell to reasonably well and the way I think it worked is when I stopped trying to manage and control his life, he was able to feel that peace and serenity of my program, and he felt that unconditional gods love coming out of me. I stopped resenting him and I started accepting him the way he was, and he began to change with no effort on my part. He is not perfect, he will never will be, neither am I, we still have problems. What the program gave me is freedom, I honestly don't care anymore if he drinks or not, but in my prior post I did say I will not be around anyone drinking or using. It took me a long time to learn this, basically to stay in my hula hoop and to take care of myself. Act as if,watch and listen to the others that have gone before you, dream big, your life can change, but it begins with you. Take what you like leave the rest :) Blessings on your journey :)

Todays courage to change reading for today is very helpful, I think for this particular situation :) Ok well I don't go to bar rooms with him, or places I'm sure there will be drinking. I just don't want to:) as far as going to a restaurant or one of his family events and feeling guilty, at one time I would have, it is his decision though and his journey. Sometimes I can still revert back and take on guilt or second guess myself, recovery is a process though and I will never be perfect. I can be the best I can today, one day at a time. Attaching our thoughts and feelings on the behaviors of others is a learned behavior, and it can be unlearned with practice, the program and willingness. Like me you probably learned this behavior very young. The promise of recovery is you can be you, take care of you, and have your own identity. Live and let live....detach with love. Learn to love you for who you are in the moment. You can still love him, but not be so attached to his behaviors. If I did it and others did, and I made progress and so did they, you can too. It's a process, I had a breakthrough when I started accepting myself the way I am and I stopped beating myself up for my slips. Learning to live in the present moment, accepting the present moment, keeping my power as much as possible, and having compassion and humility for others. We were affected by alcoholics :) I'm praying for your recovery.