The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Anyone who watched my interactions with alcoholics in my life probably would have considered me the crazy one. I was the one who searched from bar to bar, made scnes in public places and got hysterical over little things. I was also the one who agonized over the alcoholics behaviour, lied , made apologies and excuses, and resented everything I was doing. Was this sane?????
Alanon was the first place where I ever thought to question my own sanity. I found that I couldnt overcome the effects of this disease by force, of will, or reason. As they say my best thinking got me here. But alanon's second step suggested that a HP could resore me to sanity.
I know that I felt more rational in an alanon meeting than I did at any other time, and so I turned for help to the power that seemed to flow through those meetings. From time to time I still have my irrational moments, but I no longer blame my erratic behaviour on anyone else. I now know exactly where to turn when I am ready to find sanity once more.
If we do not change our direction, we are likely to end up where we are headed! (food for thought)............................................gardengal
i was the one upset. i was the one playing cat & mouse trying to catch my father drinking. i was the one bottling it all up. i felt uncontrolable. now i feel like i am gaining control.
It seems so long ago when I searched the bars, called the bars, called his cell phone 12 times in 15 minutes, yelled, screamed, threw stuff, thanks for the posting, it reminds me of how far I'm come.
That is one of my favorite pages in Courage to Change
When I think of how many times I tossed the beer, went looking for where it was hiding to prove that he was lying, etc.
All the nagging, arguing, begging & crying. All for naught.
Today I stand on my own, and allow him to fall if that is what he must do. Letting go and taking responsibility of my own behaviors is not easy. But it is much better than the alternative of the insanity of wondering where or what he is doing.
Karen
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Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care. Love you all!
Karen
GG, my WORST was the day we drove to the airport to pick up my 2 brothers and their families who were going to meet my husband for the first time. They would stay with us. He had been drinking.
I was insane, so much that even I recognized my behavior was nuts. Even if you had been looking at us from Mars, you would know that.
Those days are gone. I have short temptations, but they don't last and I don't act on them. My words don't betray me most of the time. For this alone, my gratitude grows. --Jill
Thanks. I really thought I was the only one who would call every bar searching for him, or that I was the only one who would go out looking for his car at the bars.
No, I was nuts...I would call the police if I heard of a black truck like his was in the river, I would drive by his house and try to check if he was in, he had the locks changed, so I couldnt get in, I had my cousin drive by his house to see if there was any movement there..any signs he was still alive. I called the police when a carpet cleaner became suspicious of the car at the house being taken away..they sent 4 police cars..when he got home from the store, and was furious to have to answer to them..they told him, check in with your family once in awhile. I made myself nuts trying to keep him alive....amazing what we do, that we don't even realise until later.
