Trust nope tell my side of really what's going on here and found out I should not talk anymore . Did not know Alaon played on the other side of the street to at the same time . So my shame my feelings were read by A person who is using my post to gain and take only sourse of help I'm getting thank you for helping me in time of need . Nothing is safe or private not even a face to face . Another lesson learn today . I will not talk about nothing at all anymore

And as far as AA and alanon not going together...well that's obviously his issue. Myself, Jerry, WTI (all working both programs) can tell you that the programs compliment each other and if they are at odds it's because the people in the separate programs are at odds.

Just wanted to add - my trust in outer things has generally always been broken. People, systems, programs are faulty and 100% never foolproof.
I've survived many experiences of my trust level dropping and have learned to make changes that better suit my new learnings and my new realities.
I've also learned that my disease of codependency will insist that I do everything I can to make sure I never get hurt again, feel betrayed again, feel disappointed again, feel threatened or misled or cheated or embarrassed again. The healthy part of me says that I'm dreaming. I am a human being living with other human beings and I am going to feel what I feel when I feel it. I've learned that I can feel my feelings, share them like you are doing, and trust that I can make the changes I need to make that are in my best interest - like continuing to work the program, trust my HP, and accept that I am powerless over me being human with human feelings living in a world with other humans who are hurting and failing themselves and others, too. It's reality.

Our disease isolates us and keeps us stuck in believing we are victims of other people, circumstances, life. Reality shows us that as adults we are not victims and can take good care of ourselves and still allow for unpleasant experiences and the feelings that accompany them when things happen that are not to our liking with the help of our HP, Al-Anon, a good therapist if we need one(and I have at various times), and things we do that we love to do for ourselves even if that is just going outside of our home and soaking up the sun quietly in a chair.

Rosemary,

I'm sure this betrayal feels like a double- whammy that stirs so many strong emotions- hurt, sadness, maybe shame... much of which may be perpetuated by the disease "talking" and trying to get you back to being in isolation and complacently absorbing all that destruction he throws in your direction. He is not thinking clearly and has fear. You have fear, too... but you have the program and know that you can choose the next right thing for you. This doesn't have to always be the big disaster it feels like- it will pass.

Safety first- please develop a safety plan and several backups with some one you trust. Alanon can have a secure spot in your safety plan and you have already started experiencing the benefits of working the steps. Please don't let fear- his or yours- stop you from strengthening your relationship with your HP. ODAT.

In support.

Thank you all for the support my husband doesn't know I'm on here until now there was a leak in the system . I guess we reay don't know who behind the key boards but I can say he has invaded my privacy which is not like a major thing until it comes down to my health care documents and ppl that's are helping me . It very easy to create a profile and read Alaon board . He did that in the past I ended up closing down this sight.  That was a big trust thing for me things I wrote down in a journal I yet after 13 years didn't tell him because I was not ready to still trust even him special after the affair but he got my emails and passwords and phone numbers and did random calling asking inappropriate question . Today has been a day of fighting . Over a t shirt over his defect jelious !!!   Yes I did change my pic and I don't know how to make a new name . I have so many different names just to hide my privacy that's observed that I have to go to that extreme . I'm just very upset right now . And the fact he knows it and still wants to come at me inferiors me 

Yes that's what I'm trying to figure out is to change my name or close out the acct this is just got bad . I left my house he was home now he out again it's a big mess I should of shut my dam mouth and let him have his say . Nope I had to say something that made sense I had to have a clue that's my problem I see things now clear I see how he still likes to twist his words and make it sound like me out of control . You know what I'm tired of hiding my mind my feelings I have a right to defend myself back . And I'm done hiding from him this is so out of control !!!!   It all started with a comment he made at me yesterday and I said something back he did not like !!!!! What right do I have he says . I said all my rights . What I'm In title to . It's ok for him to bash alalon because that fellowship might tell me what to do ! Oh my  I might get healthy , he made it know very clear to me today that we will never agree . I said that's what I been telling u right along 2 toxic ppl in the house same time is not good special since it him that want to take charge . Granted I had my part in this fight . I know that I'm not innocent in this one . Yes I opened my mouth and spoke my mind I did what alalon teaches stay on your side of street . I don't need to go to the fight ! I had the feeling that this would happen he would not accept a weak wife that talks back !