Called - Al-Anon Family Group

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Called

Peggy7 · ~*Service Worker*~

I've heard it said, "If I pray why worry. If I worry, why pray".

F E A R... false evidence appearing real.

Example for me, the times I spent stewing over all of the "what if's" cost me dearly. Often times the things I had allowed myself to imagine weren't even on the radar. The things I gained in carrying such insane burdens were restless days & nights, aged /wrinkles and lost time enjoying my healthy life.

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

You are so right Peggy I want so much just to let it go because nothing has happened and I'm just being fearful for something I have no control over anyways. I write it here, I journal it, I read about it and I talk about it. I pray someday it won't happen anymore and I can be happy and grateful that my son is still alive and doing the best he can.

Tasha · Senior Member

We just never know. A boy my sons age was hit by a motorcycle this past week in our town. He was just riding his bike safely with his helmet on and then his life was over. I chose to let my son ride his bike today anyway. It occurred to me that I should worry, but I remembered the program said I have a choice. My HP says I shouldn't, it sounded like this in my mind: "don't take away more of your precious life worrying my child."

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

I have come to tell myself when I obsessively worry, will all my worrying change the outcome? No of course not, but all my worrying will give me another ulcer or ruin my health in other ways so I take time to go to the YMCA or go for a walk with the dog, something to get my body moving and out of my head. I have said the serenity prayer a bunch of times until it clicked and I could really release my burden to better and bigger hands than mine. I am sending you much love and support!

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Cathy: I've had to start my day over many, many times. I figure that the entire world is in different time zones so I can do this every time I slip and let the creepy stories of what could happen take over my mind. That way, I have very few ruined days. Only an occasional nightmare. You're doing fine. This is going to happen and you are doing the best you can and continue to make progress. Thanks for the big hug and a big one back for you, too. I heard some news about my son this afternoon, felt the old stomach churning again, and drove home from spending time with my daughter asking God what Al-Anon tool to use. I could feel myself slipping. No answer came, but I completely forgot my worrisome thoughts, my stomach stopped churning, and I went on with the rest of what I needed to do for me and people I'd promised to help at the office. I've been at this a long time and still the rescue light goes off on my head with concerns for my son. If I ask for help I get exactly what I need. Today, it was release from stressful thoughts clouding the rest of my afternoon.

Rose50 · Senior Member

((Cathy))

I totally get what you're feeling. Any time I have a missed call from my son and he doesn't leave a voice mail, I automatically think the worst. The fear just takes over. I honestly don't know if I'll ever get to the point where my heart doesn't start racing when he calls me. I know I have no control over what happens but my emotions take over every time.

The negative thinking always wins out. It's so hard - you are not alone. I am walking the same road.

(((hugs)))

Gaby · Senior Member

Cathyianz.. You have read many of my post about my son.. " he shared a saying with me this morning" " BE A WARRIOR, NOT A WORRIER "!! I live with worry since he has been home.. I pray and pray that this is the last time around.. I have met mothers that have told me that they kicked there child out to learn the hard way if addiction is there choice.. My son told me I should have done that to him but I told him that I was not giving up just yet on him.. To be very honest maybe because his daughter deserves her father and he knows that was my biggest reason. NOW!! But I was not going to bury him and I told him I would never visit him in jail or prison. God gave us the caring hearts.. I was raised to put my children first once I had them. It was no longer about me.. But my son is now 22 freshly new out of recovery facing a lot of his pasts and he knows he will have those trials and tribulations when they come his way. But I have to continuously say to myself that If he choses to ever go back out there. I can not control it and I can not cure him, but he can. As far as who caused it only our Addicts know.. I oftened thought I caused it because of all I put him through as a child. But I can't live with the guilt no more.. We have a life and we deserve to live in peace. Yes I know easier said then done. I'm feeling every ounce of your pain. You are not alone.. My son maybe in a good place today.. But I'm a mother and so many flashbacks run through my mind of the person he was when he was using. I have to learn to have faith and pray and pray. We here are all on the same boat. We love and care so much..! Our higher power hears us, but we have to work our program.. I thank you all for always being on here for me. As I would do my best to give my support and my shares.. I'm praying for us :) god bless..

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Thank you all for the kind words and ESH......I need it every single day as I'm sure does everyone else here needs. Yes we have to live one day at a time and be honest with ourselves and do what we need to do. My program slips all the time. I can't keep it in line for every long before I'm in crisis.....and even with no good reason. I made the choice today to feel bad for NOTHING. My son is safe in a rehab facility. He's working a program as far as I know. He has a very long journey ahead of him if HE so chooses. Am I going to be able to stop it if he decides to drop out...NO.

I got a call today from his old landlord. He tried calling his cell phone to ask how he was doing. He called me because he was concern because his phone was turned off. I told him were my son was and he was very happy to hear that. He liked my son very much and prays every single day for him. I thanked him and we said our goodbyes.

Well I didn't get out today and sat on my butt most of it so I think I will make a good dinner at least. I have a couple of steaks to grill and some baked potatos and salad. I'm hungry so why not do a little for HALT. Don't need to be hungry....easily remedied.

((( hugs ))))) prayers for all tonight because we are not alone here are we

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

The ESH here now is soooo appreciated and I am grateful for your mutual support with and for each other. Keep coming back ((((hugs)))) smile

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

Are you talking to your hp? NO matter what he is ok. He does have our father watching over him, and even more so becuz we have him in our prayers. He is very sick, he is not in his right mind. So he is watched over even more.

Please do your best to let go, maybe put, "stop" in your head and say, he is in hps hands, picture him there. let it go. YOu may have to do this a hundred times a day.

My son is just on vacation and I am concerned, off balanced. So I am humbled by your putting one foot in front of the other.

We do have the ability to give it up. It takes practice and faith. If not we would all go nuts when our loved ones get sick, die are missing etc. HP wants us to need him, love him, believe in him enough to give him our burdens.

Yes your son is precious no matter what! I know from being around it that he is honestly having it easier than you, if he didn't he would be going for help and stici sking to it. He may not be miserable enough yet.

A lot of our program is learning we are not in control, we cannot do anything and also to TRUST in something, someone bigger than ourselves.

Praying for you and your dear son. love,debilyn

Katytexasmom · Veteran Member

Cathy, I understand. You said it best, you are NOT alone!
When I slip I try to not beat myself up....I start over. It's hard to do when the blood runs cold in my body. The fear is crippling, if we let it stay.
I was going to bed and I saw I had missed a text from my sons girlfriend. She was worried about him because she had not heard back from him all day! I called around and he finally called me from a friends phone. He's partying. He had been trying again (without a program) and I guess he still has more to learn.
It's heartbreaking. She is a sweet girl, does not do drugs or drink. She works hard and is mature for her age. She expressed her concern over his choices and I told her to take care of herself. I suggested alanon....
In the past I would have tried to keep her with him as a motivator, but I could not do that. Nor did I try to break them up. I told her I that either way it's her choice and I just hope she takes care of herself.
I guess for me this is progress.
I am worried, but I don't want to be. I want to sleep. So, I'm going to lay my head down and pray for a good nights sleep. I will also pray that God cover my son. My hope is that I will come to a place in my life where I can LET GO, and LET GOD. it sounds like freedom to me! I think we can get there!
Sleep well Cathy.
K

Ness · ~*Service Worker*~

Cathy, you've had lots of good ES&H, not much I can add

When I felt the obsession kicking in I would force myself to get busy (brushing the carpet on the stairs is a good one) and I would constantly repeat what became (& still is) my mantra.. 'please give me serenity'.. just the rhythm of saying it over and over (& the constant brushing!) would take me to a place of calm.

((((Ness))))

el-cee · ~*Service Worker*~

Your self awareness is brilliant Cathy. I love that you feel it, acknowledge it but crucially don't act. Im not quite there yet when the fear rises in me I still have this urge to do something, save, rescue, get in his hp path. You know the whole arrogant idea of I have the power!!!! I am getting a little better then bang I go and undo the lot but I must use the slogans - 'this too shall pass' Thanks for being here, showing me how its done.x

Cathyinaz · ~*Service Worker*~

Good Morning

I slept good. I will get up today in a little while and get dressed and get out to the book store. I want to sit and read...maybe buy a book or two. I have quit any enabling or trying to control him. That is done. Now to continue working to control the obsessing once in for all. I can do this. It isn't as bad as it's been in the past but it's still there in one form or another.

I will pray to let go and let God help me ease the pain and fear inside me.

Thank you all for the support and love you so freely give. I am grateful to have you all in my life

((( hugs )))

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

I'm grateful for you, too, Cathy. You do the same for me.

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Cathyinaz wrote:

This fear he will not make it will destroy my life if I let it. I will go down with the boat.

I pray serenity comes in my life and I can live it being true to myself and continue to strive for the help I need.
I am not alone......

((((((((((Cathy)))))))))))) I can so relate to what u said...."fear he will not make it will destroy my life if i let it"

my inner child fears i won't make it and that i will go down fighting, but nevertheless "go down with the boat".....fear is fear.....and fear of myself not making it or fear of a child of mine not making it, I can identify with you

the only way of managing this is one day at a time...sometimes i can't do life more than one hour at a time..working , chanting the slogan that applies or resonates w/me the most for that moment....

meditation, visualizing myself wrapping up my fears in a trashbag and dumping them into the fire, sending that negativity back to its source and saying I CAN go free to have planty

no matter what a horrendous fear is, it is till fear and painful......sharing about it, being willing to give it up to what higher power(s) you embrace....and knowing that some stuff we just have to let go of....release ourselves from, and only we can do it.....i do this and also, figure out ways to take care of me....

sending you loving hugs, my good , pretty friend........I will ask the angels when i burn my candles and meditate to the forces of love, to give you angel hugs and comfort.........

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.