The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm a very new Al Anon member (just a couple of meetings) and my wife is in recovery and has been sober for 6 months. Our relationship has deteriorated over the years and recently we had a discussion where she told me she's no longer emotionally or physically "attracted" to me anymore. We agreed to work on our relationship one day at a time to become closer again. I was wondering if this is a common theme and have others experienced the same thing? Have there been positive results?
Mine has not said that but I feel it. But he is dealing with Dry Drunk bad, Once you learn about that and IF she is you will understand more. We started couples Therapy.. ummm. I think it is going better.. but it will take time and as long as he is sick it wont, sorry to say. IF you know about dry drunk be carful how you approach her with it, if you choose. HANG in there
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Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try.
Yes, I do keep in mind that she is struggling to get well. I suggested we go to couples therapy, but her therapist told her that she has too many things going on mentally to work on "fixing" out marriage issues. She said that since she is so early into recovery, that she needs to focus 100% of her efforts on getting well with regard to sobriety. I guess I'm just hoping that there is a good possibility that we will eventually be able to get to a better place and have a relationship again.
That makes sense. Mine struggles because we do that AND he has to get better for himself. I had to back off a little on our therapy. OURS (and it took forever to find this) is a couple, individual and drug and alcohol Therapist.He is wonder and helps us on ALL aspects and him and I take turns going individually as well. It is having one Therapist for everything!Hang in there it is HARD and she is new to recovery.Mine was sober for 8 yrs, dry drunk the last 4 and slipped a few in the last 2 yrs.. so it is like (to me anyway) newly recovered.
I am new to here as well, it is helping and I havent even attended meeting yet or anything, so I can only imagine when I really utilize it. Everyone here is SO nice! I hate what I read and hear somedays................. but it makes sense and they are right when they say, take care of you. Still learning.
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Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try.
What her therapist is telling her is true. I hope you are in Al-Anon? That program is for us and helps us work on ourselves as our loved ones work their program and work on themselves. They need to save their lives by focusing on themselves and learning how to live sober. Others will weigh in on this, but you are in the right place. Keep coming back here, too. MIP is a good supplement to people in the Al-Anon program. We're glad you're here.
Hello Somerset,
I completely relate to your post. Yes, I think that there is always hope, especially when you can talk about things like this together.
AH and I started couples therapy far too early and it deteriorated into a forum for abuse.
Now we are each working at being ourselves (whatever that means!!??!). It is going to take time but we are slowly shifting from not liking each other to occasionally catching glimpses of the other that we do like - 'oh, there you are! Nice to see you again' kind of thing, and then one or other of us raises the drawbridge and we each go about our own business for a while.
Someone once told me that you can't be a carer and a lover at the same time and to a degree I can see some truth for us in that. AH and I have been together 30+ years and alcohol moved in nearly 15 years ago. So we have a lot of habits to break and we each need some space to do that. For me I find it difficult to feel attracted to someone when I'm not feeling good about myself - too scared of rejection I guess. So I'm trying to learn to be non-judgemental about myself and about AH (which I find jolly hard to do ) but it is a start and we are getting better. This is just my story and it may be quite different for you but I'm sure you will find your path. I'm curious about how you feel about your marriage deteriorating - what do you need?
Welcome to Miracles in Progress. Alcoholism has been defined as a spiritual, emotional and physical disease This means that all these parts of a person become affected by the disease. We who live with the disease also become affected in the same manner. It does not surprise me that your spouse feels that the relationships suffer in like manner.
AA and Alanon offer powerful tools for recovery in all aspects of our psyche.
With each partner focusing on recovery in the different meeting rooms, there is hope that each will again find themselves and will then be able to share in a healthy manner
) but it is a start and we are getting better. This is just my story and it may be quite different for you but I'm sure you will find your path. I'm curious about how you feel about your marriage deteriorating - what do you need?