The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So this is what I think-that my A is possibly going to meetings, perhaps not staying through the meeting, and/or not paying attention at all. Back in Aug. I saw a bit of positive change in her, but then her job was lost in re-designing her work place. It's been downhill since then with her. She does NOT want the help-I want her to have it. Now I understand why ultimatums don't work. I threatened to move if she didn't start recovery, she started. I see nothing happening on her end. Well, here is the good news-I feel pretty darn good, in fact for two days! And I plan to keep on keeping on. There is life at the end of the tunnel which I was hoping to go through with her, but who knows, maybe I will travel through alone. Also good news-I'm not obsessing on what to do about her. I can enjoy my life right now, without all the answers. Having the courage to change is what it's all about, Lyne
It took me forever to accept that the only thing I can control is myself. I decided that I may never know what some one else is thinking or doing during their day - and- more importantly, I do my best to conserve my energy for focusing on myself. I had also found out the hard way that ultimatums rarely work. I'm glad you're here. Keep taking care of you ODAT.
Yeah, going through the motions is just what an A does with an ultimatum. It is just a lesson in powerlessness. A hard lesson, though. Getting out of their HP's way and letting him do the work is the hardest thing to do, but for most of us that is how we keep our own sanity intact through the process.
I remember learning to trust someone elses recovery process. That was hard, but freeing. I no longer had to be in charge of anyone other than me getting to meetings, talking to their sponsor, etc.
You are right where you need to be now, learning the lessons your HP has for you. Take care of you. That's where you have power.
__________________
~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
I can enjoy my life right now, without all the answers. .. Thanks for posting this .. Seeing when I'm not happy and can't stop obsessing, it's really about not having all the answers ..
I've had to struggle with thinking I know what somebody else could be or should be doing or not doing, too. Truth is - I'm just not God and I can't truly see into the heart of another person no matter how well I think I know them - only God can do that. Accepting that others are doing the best they can with what they have to work with just as I am doing is helpful in releasing me from judgment and from focusing on someone else's journey. Its just not my business no matter how long I've known them or think I've known them. And I slip a lot here. All I can do is recognize my slip, get back up, put my focus on myself, turn myself back into my HP's hands, and practice the steps and slogans that are mine to practice for the day.
