The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
trying so hard to work the program but fighting my disease every step of the way. Tomorrow morning my AH will be closing on his new home after he filed for divorce in July. He will come the next day and empty half of the furniture from our marital home leaving me and most of the junk behind. He says I have done nothing to stop the divorce and yet he has filed 3x in about a year. He also began drinking again after 20+ years of sobriety. Of course he says alcohol has not played a role in the destruction of our 30 year marriage even tho there were issues with alcohol and substance abuse years ago.
My my life had become chaotic and unmanageable so I left it all in HP's hands. I thought I had detached but now feel such a panicky need and urge to "fix" this somehow. The clock is ticking..........tomorrow will be the beginning of the end for us but I need to focus on HP's plan as the sadness is nearly impossible to navigate. Fixing is what got me into this mess and I so wish I had started the program earlier, maybe then there would be hope. God grant me the serenity.
There is still hope! Hope for YOU! Keep working the program, every day won't be breezy but your steps will take you to the place your HP has prepared for you. You have purpose and a future. There is hope!
I've been in that place before, in my panic I forgot all the bad stuff that happened in the marriage. When I took a minute to remember the panic subsided.
Peace to you.
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More of LET GO & LET GOD, Less of GRAB ON & LET ME!
Thanks so much KMom!!! That's what I needed to hear. I have actually made notes on the horrible verbal abuse and indifference from AH. It helps to keep it all in perspective that way. Tomorrow I have an early 2nd interview so in addition to the divorce and not knowing where I'm going to live I think I may be changing employers as well. I guess HP is really having a colossal chuckle over my life. A test to see if I am paying attention.
I really get in a bad place (depression) but quickly get my butt to a f2f meeting and soak in the fellowship I get here and from others alanoners as well Thank you!!!
He filed 3X times and now is getting it right and it isn't about you at all and maybe another perspective of it is that God is doing for you what you wouldn't do for yourself. That has happened for and to me often with the reminder that It wasn't all about me and It wasn't that I had to do it all, all of the time. I get to look now at some of the events I thought were horrible and feel gratitude because I learn the difference between my will and God's will. I learned another thing in Al-Anon which was as long as I had memory there was no such thing as a divorce...the physical was greatly altered and over time the emotional and mental and yet the connection is always there. I get to rerun it with less and less anger, resentment, fear, anxiety and worry, no more blaming....I am soooo grateful for this program we have been allowed to have and work and the consequences in my life. I could have never dreamed this up...I don't think I'm dreaming. If I am I don't want to wake up from recovery. Today I love her without condition and also have no reason to be married to her...wow!! milehi...you're doing good. Keep on with what you are doing. After a while the entire picture will be of you without anyone else to complete the picture. Keep coming back. I learn from your post. ((((hugs))))
I am sorry for the upset in your life right now. Our HP will do what needs to be done for us to awaken and it is usually chaotic and uncomfortable. You had had some great responses already, just wanted to add my support. Keep coming back. (((hugs)))
We are happy your here so keep coming back because you are not alone. Many have/will go though what your going though so the support here will help you. I would also suggest you might find a Al-anon meeting in your area and go, sit and listen. These meetings can and will help you with the pain your experiencing right now.
I want you to know this too shall pass so keep coming back and get the much needed ESH you are needing right now
(((( hugs ))))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Thanks all for the support. This time I do realize that I have O control. HP is taking it out if my hands this time as I always want to get in there and muck it all up. I think I slept about 15 min. Last night and now headed out for an important interview.
Prayers for you Milehi. Sounds like you are more afraid of change and being alone than of actually losing him. If you really focus on what's leaving - it's only a person that isn't really respecting or valuing you or working hard at fixing themself to be able to fix the marriage. Yes it's a big loss, but it's also like having a cancerous tumor removed.
I know how hurtful this can be. It's good that you're already working your program and getting to meetings. When this was happening to me, I was in denial about how the marriage realy was and would get the "if onlies," a lot. It kept me stuck a long time. In grieve I minimized the the bad and exaggerated the good. You are so much more present than I was. It sounds like you are that having a few moments of reflection but are already taking steps to assure your future without him with your hp's help. It could be emotionally difficult when he comes to the house for the stuff but you will get through it. I chose to keep my serenity and not fight over "stuff." I haven't missed the stuff. New start, new stuff, new memories. All I wanted was my dogs and there was no argument it. Congratulations on your second interview! Sending good thoughts your way as hp reveals more to you. Thanks for sharing your recovery. TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
You are so right TT. That's why I started journaling some time ago. It's a powerful reminder of the marriage problems instead of romanticizing how wonderful and Rosie everything WASNT. I can't express how much support I feel on these boards. One day I hope to be "recovered" enough to be of service as so many experienced veterans here have been to me. It's truly a life saver. God bless you
Hi, Milehi: My x gave me so many reasons to remember why I was divorcing him, I didn't need to journal them. I needed more to journal the good things just to keep from hating him completely. Smile. It's been my experience to wait for the miracle when things get as upside down in my life as they are in yours now. I still have to get up every day and tend to what appears in my mind, heart, or on my desk to do, but something good is always on its way to me and to others in my particular circumstances if I'm willing to let go, let God, let be. Welcome to MIP and our family. Glad you're here. We've been waiting for you.
I just wanted to give you support and let you know that there is no "ed" in recovery. Its not a destination, its a lovely lifelong process and that's why we oldtimers are all still here. We need newcomers to keep stretching and reminding us where we came from, lest we forget and this disease takes over our lives again. And if we give it the chance it certainly will. I have felt the slips and seen it happen.
You are just as needed here as any oldtimer. Remember that.
In recovery,
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~Jen~
"When you come to the edge of all you know you must believe in one of two things... there will be earth on which to stand or you will be given wings." ~Unknown
Tami....I think I'm still a newbe being here a little over one year now. I was a mess when I entered the rooms of Al-anon and started posting on MIP. But you what?? Miracles do happen and as you will discover many here are proof of that. Join this fellowship and see what it can do for you. You are not alone because we are all in this together no matter our circumstances are.
Please keep coming back and ask for the much needed ESH you need right now.
(((( hugs ))))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
I find journaling helps, you can let out a spew of obsenitys and get it out of your system, then with that out of the way you can write everything you have to be thankful for, and make a list of things you plan on doing in your new life, ((((((hugs))))))
when one door closes, another opens...you never know what is around the corner
Welcome to MIP- you're in the right place. I'm sorry for the upset and chaos; change can seem scary, but it also brings positive opportunities. Keep your focus on your next right thing and know you'll get through this.
