The material presented
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Ug. Fighting with my hubby...on of my A sons just got fired again. Most likely for the same reason. He's an alcoholic (30yrs old) and is coming back around our business for another 'job' with us. That means we pay him, and his bills but he does next to nothing if he decides to show up. I reminded my husband (his step dad) that we both agreed to NOT hire him back. Well, seem my husband yet again has gone back on his promise to me. My husband knows nothing of the disease and has taken no steps to learn. He is convinced he can fix this by supporting, enabling, lecturing and shaming. He has a very difficult time with others being upset with him. He has absolutely no boundaries. It's driving me nuts!!!! We cannot afford this again.
so, what do I do? It's difficult to let go of my A sons....how do I now let go of my enabling husband? It's a constant battle. Whether his kids or mine. My sons call him , not me. Because they know I will say no....but he will say yes. Then, not tell me! He does not realize he is hurting them. He's hurting me too.
we talk,,,,,he and I agree no money....my 30 year old has an 'emergency' (going to loose his car---which he drives drunk----going to loose his place to live, or his lights. Etc. emergency is the way to get to my husband and they know it. Then he either does not tell me or changes what we agreed upon (lies). I hate this!
i love my husband and my kids. But this is making me nuts!!!!
Help!!!!!
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More of LET GO & LET GOD, Less of GRAB ON & LET ME!
I'm sorry, Katy, I've never been in this situation. The only thing I can say is that you can work on turning things over to God and try talking your husband into going to Al Anon meetings maybe? I hope others come on and offer their advice, but I just wanted to say that I read your thread and was saying a prayer for peace for you tonight. HUGS!
You gals are working it...love to read about that. Keep on keeping on. The consequence will be that you will reach serenity and nothing else. ((((hugs))))
My Dad is an enabler. He couldn't seem to say no. Until he'd get enough of stuff. Then, he'd turn the whole thing over to those of us who could and would say no. He liked being the one who everybody loved. That's not a bad thing. It was his thing. Without interference, your husband may end up turning everything over to you. Of course, you'll be the one everyone gets mad at because of your no, but they might get healthy, too? I wasn't an alcoholic, but I did have to struggle to make ends meet following my divorce. Once in awhile I would borrow $20 or $50 from my Mom. I did because I knew she'd loan it to me and she would expect me to pay her back exactly when I said I'd do it or there'd be no loan again. I tried asking Dad on a few occasions, but when I'd mail him the check he'd tear it up. I didn't want to take advantage of him and I didn't want him to make my way easier - I'd made my choices - so I quit asking to borrow money from him because I knew he wouldn't let me pay him back. So - even though my Mom was the tough lover and my Dad was the soft lover (I needed them both), it was my Mom I went to when I wanted to maintain my self-respect.
You know what the disease can do to your son. It's progressive and he will have only 3 things that can happen if your son continues to drink... Death, prison or insanity.
I wish you husband would read up on alcoholism and get a better understanding of what it's doing to your son.
After I finally quit my enabling it took about a year before my son's crisis after crisis finally took a toll on him. After he finally realized he had lost most of everything he owed and finally was going to be homeless that he got scared enough to seek out help. Is it going to get better....I will not know but HP has now given him a change that will work for him if he has truly surrendered.
I will pray for your husband that he may realize what is really happening to your son and what his actions are doing that if he didn't might cause your son to seek help.
Prayers for your son and you my friend
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
