The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
when in a bad neighborhood, i roll up my windows and lock my car doors.......that is a judgement call to protect me
I do not pu hitch hikers bc of the potential of being assaulted/murdered.......that is another judgement call
i dont' ride with someone in a car if i think they are drinking/using b/c i don't want legal troubles or worse...an accident......that is a judgement call, i guess, too
on my post i did not call my cuzin a "selfish twit" i just said......"she is habitually late and does not consider my work days and therefore i had to stand to my boundaries which i laid out clearly to her"
OR a child molester......i will never allow one near a child, I will do what i can to "run him off" if i see him around children, call 911 ea. time i see him near kids..........that is a judgement call and I stand to that and if people want to think i am working his inventory, the recidivism rate on these people is terrible...they cannot be cured....they are a danger to children..... so , am i working the "molester's" inventory??? probably so, but based on his previous records and the horrendous danger he is to children, yea, u bet your butt, i am going to call a spade a spade and drop the dime on him when/if i EVER see him /her near a child...............
so inventory??? I will just have to roll with that one...
i think we make judgement calls which precede our decision to accept / not accept behaviours......we are making a "judgement" ea. time we refuse to let a offender near children...............lock our doors when driving thru bad neighborhoods...............refuse to ride w/someone who is using/drinking..............avoid folks who have been in trouble for domestic violence..................call the animal protection if we see pets tied up in back yards w/no water, food, shade or relief from any elements of weather
yea, i make judgements ea. time i decide to do or not to do something.......accept or not accept being around certain people............
this is my take
i think for being healthy and keeping my side of the street clean, the folks I DEAL WITH...or DEALT WITH.........I keep it focused on me when I am making the amend step 9 b/c it is about ME and MY mistakes made and I am "here to clean up my leaves in my yard" let the other own or not own his stuff, and it is not my job to bring up their stuff
however, that said....if a known DV offender asks me out on a date, and I know he has violent history, of course I am going to refuse to be in his company........i am out to protect me......I will just politely say "no" I dont' owe him an explaination, but my "NO" is of COURSE based on his previous problems.......and its intent is to protect me
so this, to me is a "thorny question" I think when face to face interaction w/folks, i always try to keep focus on me, my wants, my needs, etc.......like with my cousin when she called me on the late late afternoon , day before work............my only reply to her was "i told you i work ea. friday...its been that way for 5 years.......i do not want company on a nite b4 work b/c i need my rest, so I am sorry, i canot see you b/c i need to be focused and fresh when i go to work...sorry, another time"
that is almost to the word what I said to her............
JUST my take
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I believe the question is difficult to answer I did not read the post you are speaking of but in general
I ask myself that If I am powerless over others, and acceptance of everyone, as they are, is the key and gossiping is a destructive form of communications that hurts everyone, what situation would require I address another's behavior?
if it is to a draw boundary and protect myself then - In a perfect world, I must remember to keep the focus on myself , examine my motives,and if someone does something I do not like it is up to me to Validate myself and state my boundary without judging or critiquing them
For me the question is why am I bringing to light someone elses behaviour? Am I gossiping, critizing, putting someone is a darker light than the one I am standing in? I might speak in general about a condition I am faced with and to name names and spell out behaviors isn't part of what I prefer to do. The other person isn't there to defend themselves so it is similar at times to character assassination. My elder sponsor told me that it may seem to be the easiest way to build mysellf up by putting someone else down and then I need to consider how the listener sees it. Speaking in general about acceptable/non-acceptable behaviors without naming names or attachments works for me. Good post. (((hugs)))
