The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I'm the one whos worked(ing) the steps!!! Not him. He just hangs out at meetings....
Look who is judging him for judging me lolol!
Maybe... just maybe i have stuff to learn.. um yes. Hp knows when i need a boost in an area and gives me lessons and growth opportunities galore. Thank you for being here to teach me.
Your sense of humor makes me smile. Fortunately, your Alanon recovery is between you and your HP, and what others think isn't what counts. Projection is not a 12 step program tool. If he's having a specific problem- then that can be discussed without bringing your recovery into it. There is no shortage of opportunities for growth- and that's what keeps me here too.
My ABF also thinks I have better things to do with my time than attend Alanon meetings. Oh, he also called the pamphlets "propaganda". I figure that if he doesn't like the change in me; all my time and effort with the steps and meetings must be working!
One day he asked why I was going to the meetings if he was sober. I said "my life had become unmanageable". You should have seen the look on his face. I think he was expecting me to blame him but I took ownership of the problem. I needed help and I found it at Alanon.
What you're looking at and listening to is the "fear" which is also talked about in the Big Book of AA as the greatest emotional problem/defect. Your spouses are afraid and displaying "out of control" behavior. I watched and listened to my alcoholic/addict wife and my brother go thru the same thing and when they watched my body language not react (thank you God) they dropped their attempts for holding me accountable for "their" problem. The opposite of fear is love..."Love them anyways" and in time they will stop being fearful. (((((hugs)))))
I had periods of fear when my husband first began his recovery and I was quick to point out when he had relapses in his thinking....I was thinking "his recovery sucks", I just chose "nicer" words because I had lots of practice in my codependency ways saying things in such a way so they sounded "helpful".....good golly I can get a good laugh, now.
I'm the one whos worked(ing) the steps!!! Not him. He just hangs out at meetings....
Look who is judging him for judging me lolol!
Maybe... just maybe i have stuff to learn.. um yes. Hp knows when i need a boost in an area and gives me lessons and growth opportunities galore. Thank you for being here to teach me.
LOL....OMG...he really SAID that??? hahahaha......Love your attitude about it.......my non recovery, former sister used to say that MY recovery sucked......when i was speaking to her i said "oh really??? whch part??? what slogan or step am i missing????" and she would , of course, not know the answer......i'be noticed that the controllers and abusers like her (not saying this is your hubby) but when MY former controllers and abusers saw themselves losing their control over me, my taking back my power, they would get pissed and attack what?? my recovery...Oh yea, its my recovery that is to blame for my now unacceptable behaviour of setting those horrible boundaries, walking away rather than engage in fights....not picking up the rope for them to jerk me around, oh yea, recovery sucks....for THEM.........i figure when they attack, that is sign i am growing.....
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
How cute is that ? Me thinks what he's really saying is that he dosen't like the changes your making , like not playing the games anymore , actually having a valid opinion and finding the courage to speak up , and God forbid being happy . A simple answer to those usless conversations that works for me is (You could be right ) and walk away , or ( I'm sorry you feel that way )and walk away , or my fav ( thanks for pointing that out I will have a look at that ) and walk away . He will adjust eventually to the changes your making . Keep on taking care of you . Louise
Last court date...my ex caught me alone in the hallway (a rarity) and told me I should go back to using and pull the stick out of my ass. I told him that when we were together and I tried to keep up with him he didn't like me much either...to which he had no response.
I don't have alcohol addiction issues - never have but I certainly did drink more often when we were married. A lot that last year before divorcing; I will cop to that last year as being tough and I didn't like myself much. So happy to not be living that way today. Now if I buy beer - it stays in my fridge! I have a small stash of hard alcohol to make a mixed drink here and here and it stays in my house! It's amazing...I still get tickled when I see the bottle sitting up there on my fridge. If my ex was around it wouldn't have lasted more than a few hours...
I love me the way that I am. Not a big drinker. Not a big partier. Not perfect but trying to be better...show a better example to our daughter...show a better way of life!
Oh, and my 13 year old picks on me...when I do pour a drink or crack that beer it takes me about 3 hours to drink it...she thinks I should just slug it and be done. That's what she grew up with...
Tasha...my AA recovery is and will always be primary. Alanon is great. I need you guys but I need AA to live. If someone told me my alanon program sucked...shrug. I'm working 2 programs and my AA one is the one that makes it even possible to have anything to add here even though I qualify.
Since you are both in alanon it would be easy to simply suggest that your recovery is unfolding on a different path than his and then refuse to compete.
