The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My sponsor and I are basically now in the fellowship together. We call each other and talk - program calls, but I know that both of us are probably at a stage where we each are friends with each other and no longer in a sponsor-sponsoree relationship. I know I need a different sponsor, but I also don't think its necessary for me to say that to her since our relationship has been pretty much fellowship/friendship more than when we first started 10 years ago. Since sponsors and the people they are sponsoring is not usually revealed even member to member in our groups, I don't see a need to do anything in my case but continue the relationship as we are now and stay awake to the next sponsor that is right for me.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 7th of October 2013 06:59:09 PM
I have changed a sponsor once . All of a sudden the relationship did not feel right.Since I had learned to trust my inner voice, I made the change.
I simply stated that I no longer felt the deep connection with her that enabled me to share my inner being and in order for me to keep growing I needed to change sponsors. i also expressed my gratitude for all that she shared with me and for her guidance. and moved on.
Trust your inner voice
-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 7th of October 2013 08:07:40 PM
I have been with my sponsor for about 4 1/2 years. The relationship no longer feels like a good fit, yet I am not sure if saying that it no longer is working for me is the best way to end it. It is the truth, though. I want to acknowledge her for her service and companionship, then wish her well. Any feedback from those of you that have changed sponsors? I don't have a new one in mind, however, I know the right partnership will show up.
I have been with my sponsor for about 4 1/2 years. The relationship no longer feels like a good fit, yet I am not sure if saying that it no longer is working for me is the best way to end it. It is the truth, though. I want to acknowledge her for her service and companionship, then wish her well. Any feedback from those of you that have changed sponsors? I don't have a new one in mind, however, I know the right partnership will show up.
I think I would be kind, loving and honest....we sometimes "out grow" folks and it happens.....I had no prob. dumping 1 sponsor who shared my stuff w/another sponsee of hers who happened to be my friend and we just happened to compare notes, but that is the exception rather than the rule, I HOPE
I think I would just be up front.....I would say "gee I have changed and I think I need to go in a different direction......love ya and thanks so much for your great service" or words to that affect......i would keep the focus on me and my need to move in different direction.....
I always keep the focus on me and what I need to do to meet my needs in situations like this one......my old guy is MIA., i think he is sick, and another guy who sponsored me for a while, fell in love and had no time for me, bless his heart, he tried, but I had to tell him that I needed more attention then he could give me and I wished him well on his engagement and thanked him for the stuff he taught me, I kept the focus on MY needs and where I was needing to go......
as sweet as you are, Paula, I am sure you will do it with your usual class and aplomb......Hugsssss
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
My sponsor and I are basically now in the fellowship together. We call each other and talk - program calls, but I know that both of us are probably at a stage where we each are friends with each other and no longer in a sponsor-sponsoree relationship. I know I need a different sponsor, but I also don't think its necessary for me to say that to her since our relationship has been pretty much fellowship/friendship more than when we first started 10 years ago. Since sponsors and the people they are sponsoring is not usually revealed even member to member in our groups, I don't see a need to do anything in my case but continue the relationship as we are now and stay awake to the next sponsor that is right for me.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 7th of October 2013 06:59:09 PM
yea, I think that is what happened to "R" and me....first it was sponsor and sponsee, then we became friends....dear friends, however i still respected his being an "older" acoa and I did listen and would to this day, if he were well enough......
its all kinda "between the two individuals" however i only had the 2 that i ended it with...one for betrayal....the other was b/c i needed more of his time then he could fairly give...i mean he had a future wife....we talked about it and he was real pleased and proud of me for broaching the subject about my needs and that i needed to "float on" in recovery...we stayed friends till he and she kinda disappeared out of TX...dunno where they are, but i wish them well....he was there when i needed him and fulfilled that need.......
sponsors like other folks are for a reason.........season.........lifetime.....my now sponsor is my life long pal...just spoke to her...she is in big bear lake, calif. and with a friend...wish i could join them...........
my other sponsors were for a season (mutual need) the other one, sadly, but still it helped me grow and stand to boundaries...she was in my life for a reason which usually is a lesson.........it took me a long time to forgive her and i was able, to, finally "let go the resentment" when I realized that "HEY....I learned a BIG lesson on boundaries"....
and I *woman'd up* and told her i was leaving her and i told her that betraying my trust was a deal breaker, and i was leaving her bc i could never trust her again..........oh she did the apology thing and i accepted it and thanked her, but the "divorce" was final.....i wished her well and left it at that.
she later got cancer and called me, I said i would send her angel healing, but preferred not to hear from her.....I did send her angel healing, but did not want to talk to her.....she would call again, leaving messages on my VM "demanding" i call her back...i wrote it off to her meds and never returned the calls..........
i hold no ill will for her bc the lesson she came "wrapped" in taught me big time about boundaries and also morals and values in the scope of working w/others in this program.....she taught me what NOT to do when sponsoring others....so far i have not had one sponsee want to throttle me, LOL
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Hmmm...another perspective to consider. Thank you grateful.
glad u r getting different "tastes" on this....goes to show there is , unless it is what happened to me, there is no "cookie cutter" way of dealing with this......one time i was straddling two sponsors at the same time....the need was there, so i embraced it........"R" and i , if he were well enough to talk w/me, would be friends till death do us part, i do believe....he could already be passed...i do't know but if he has crossed over, i know he will be never again be poor, sad, alone, in pain, he will be forever free and looking at me and his other mates and thinking "Hey guys, I'll hold your seats"......funny, i have thought about him a lot lately and here comes you with your sponsor post......
glad u r getting different slants on this.......the bottom line is....what is best for Paula????
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I have changed sponsors a few times; different people- different relationships all under the umbrella of sponsor. I waited until I was comfortable in how I would handle each situation and be sure it was from a warm place in my heart. Each person I thanked and expressed my true gratitude and let them know that I would not be working with them in this capacity as it had been. It wasn't easy for me to do, but it was necessary growing pains. The door was left open, but those are in my past and I keep looking ahead.
I've kept everyone of my sponsors in my head and in my heart even as most of them are no longer on the face of this planet. Use to wonder if asking someone to be my sponsor eventually meant a death sentence and then....My first sponsor pointed out my second sponsor to me and my second sponsor gave me permission to "find and use what ever or who ever was available to me to gain and maintain my serenity". In between my "go to" sponsors I've had others who had other recovery I needed. I've been blessed deeply. HP approved of all of them. ((((hugs))))
