The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Coming out of denial and into reality is surprising and sometimes painful. The awareness and acceptance are important to rebuilding a life based on spiritual principles. Knowing that we are powerless as the first step suggests, it is important to turn it over, as you have done, and move on
Trust HP to guide your path
-- Edited by hotrod on Monday 7th of October 2013 01:57:34 PM
Now that I am fully out of my denial, I see a side of my spouse I really don't like. This occurred yesterday after a family visit. We went to get flu shots and the first place was closing. It's no big deal, really. I saw a rush of anger taking over this person who had just been calm for several hours. This was a complete over-reaction, and she called some guy in the parking lot, a racial slur, which thank God he didn't hear. This is that nasty, entitled to, disgusting yet sick behavior, that I do not plan to accept for the rest of my life. Lyne
and she called some guy in the parking lot, a racial slur, which thank God he didn't hear. This is that nasty, entitled to, disgusting yet sick behavior, that I do not plan to accept for the rest of my life. Lyne
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Hey Lyne, yea, awareness can be a kick in the butt, but its also freeing....oh i want sooo much to NOT be in denial about anything...I want my joy to be based on the truth...even my pain, let it be out of the truth......i wold rather be in pain but know the truth then be happy in a lie.....never thought I wold feel that way, but i do, now.....yea, it hurts at first, but i can make informed decisions ONLY if i have the truth
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I get more angry at the disease of alcoholism for holding my father hostage when he is NOT drinking, than when he IS. He's much meaner and crankier and harder to be around when he's dry - because he has no recovery solutions, and no booze solutions (he's very happy drinking... very sad/angry when not).
I can get very angry at the disease for taking my father away from himself when I want the real him so badly, because subsequently - this disease takes him not just from himself, but from me too : ( I have learned to accept him and love him for who he is. Exactly who he is. He still deserves love. He did not ask for this disease. Sometimes I can love better from a distance. He does have good days. We've had a lot of good days as the result of my learning to love myself and have boundaries in the program. I guess our recovery can have an affect on our loved ones, just like the disease can have an affect on them.
I MUST be onto solutions FOR ME because I will never be able to do recovery for HIM. I sure wish I could. But that is why I keep coming back : )
I aspire to be fully out of denial....May not happen until I am flattened at the end. In the meantime, I am happy to peel away at the layers. I remember being pissed of when one of the initial layers fell away..that is when I got into some serious housecleaning!
It was very eye opening for me when my ex-husband got sober the last time to see that dry drunk behavior. It made me realize that I didn't like him. Not drunk. Not sober. That the marriage was doomed to fail and we were absolutely not compatible. I couldn't blame the alcohol for his anger anymore. I did give it time - 3 more years of my time...then he started drinking again.
I will never forget that lesson though. I was betting that sobriety would be better for him. The mental health meds were helpful. Then he stayed angry, went off the meds and back to the marijuana. I was so shocked that he was still angry. I was so angry to find out he went off the meds (I found that out when he freaked out in my face after I arrived home from work one night accusing me of stealing his stuff...he hid a bag of pot and a mouse had grabbed it and dragged it across the attic - I didn't even have a clue he was smoking pot again.) I was just beside myself. I knew then that I had to make some hard choices and began therapy.
Wow. Feels like forever ago...don't miss any of that in my life.
My first experience was 4 months ago (about) but didnt know what I was dealing with until recent. Not fun and I am trying to learn how to deal with it too.It takes the love of my life away. And I never know when he will get upset. I can see hi fight it everyday, but being he isn't doing anything really about the addiction side he won't be able to fight it. I have TONS of learning and reading to so, but when they have been sober for 8 yrs, slipped a few times in 2 yrs, is it like starting over for them? And if he knows he doesn't have it under control and he knows it might end us (possible) why won't he go back to a meeting or get his material back out or something? I am so confused. Hang in there
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Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try.
There is so much I've learned that I can't cause, control or change. Admitting I am powerless over another person's behaviors, disease, thoughts or feelings helps me focus more on what I'm thinking, how I'm feeling, what I can do to restore myself to living my life as best I can according to Al-Anon principles. Meetings, slogans, conference approved literature, this wonderful MIP family, and reminding myself I am not the one who will save my loved ones helps to release me from burdens that aren't meant for me to carry. I can pray for my loved one. I can detach from their disease. I can do what I can to practice HALT and the steps every day and that's enough. If I try to figure out why they do or don't do what I think they should do or don't do, I can drive myself nutty trying to understand the mystery of another human being or the machinations of this disease. Too complicated and stress inducing for me. Glad you're in the program and the continuing progress leading to serenity it promises. Keep coming back.
