I had an email from my son this morning. He wrote that he's doing fine and hoped my job interview went well. That was it. Nothing about paying me back the money I loaned him as he promised he would.

I don't necessarily believe that he's doing well as he tends to say this so I won't worry. I know there isn't anything I can do but I'm grateful that I heard from him.

Good Morning Joanne

I'm happy you know he's OK for himself and at least knowing he's still making it so you can relax a little. I am never going to expect my son to pay me back with any money, I just pray I have him back healthy...that's all I ask for.

This is a rough part of recovery for us when we don't have any idea if they are going to make it or not. Just like you told me you need to calm down and keep you thoughts on yourself as much as possible. I read a lot last night and it reminds me of the tools I have and if I don't continue with my program I relapse every single time.

Our son's really don't want us to worry about them....and that's the truth. They are guilty they put us through this so this is another reason to take care of us and show them your not worried anymore and they can take care of themselves. If or when they do call for help that's when we can apply our boundaries and let them experience and pain of their choices. It took a year for my son to realize he really was going to homeless and finally got scared enough to do something about it. So anything I do to enable him will just ruin all the hard work I put in myself to make this happen.

Is my son going to make it......who knows.....all I know I have Al-anon, MIP, readings and prayer to help when I relapse and that's what my son has also..

Make this weekend relaxing for you and take care with doing some reading because it does help to continue to remind yourself why your here.. that's what I do my friend

(((( hugs ))))

Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth

Rose50 wrote:

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I would always let my son know how much he worried and hurt me with his drinking but now I realize it was wrong of me to tell him these things. He must feel guilty enough without my adding to it. I need to be strong and learn to keep my mouth shut...THINK before speaking. I have a problem with that...I never know what to say.

I cannot enable anymore, in any way. It's a continual learning process.

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 Rose, you are aware...that is the first step in managing the problem......and how many times do i have to do the same thing???   STOP>>>THINK.....than maybe think again b4 speaking LOL

It helps me to think of what I could say in place of it. Instead of telling him how worried and disappointed I was(realizing that for me this was also laying a guilt trip in an effort to control) I would tell him that I could not save him from this disease and I would not let him take me down with him. I told him he knew where to find help(AA) and I knew he could handle taking care of himself. I also told him I loved him very much and I could see through the disease to the loving and good man he was.

This was hard, but it felt so much better on my end than the guilt and fear that I had laid on him in the past. Now if I could just manage to apply this in all my affairs. :)