The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
so, i havent been on the boards lately to post, but ive been reading. so much of what we post and share out speaks volumes as to the depth this disease can go to do harm. ive returned back to work after the summer break onky to be crazy busy and tired and yes, raising a child and living with an active alcoholic. interestingly, i made it through september better than expected. ive really done a ton of detaching and learning to live more in the momnet as opposed to fear what may be. my ah continues to drink heavily 2-4night a week. he stays out till all hours and then is dead tired and hungover. . thankfully he has a sucessfull business. . thanks to Gods amazing grace and my husb charm and good business sense. that said, im alone a great deal. i handle it better than i use to but just the other day i went into panic and lonely mode as my mind wanders and i blame myself and wonder what i could do differently to help him stop. yet, i know. its not anything i will do. . only to take care of me and my child. its his disease, his mess. . but how sad, how lonely sometines and how very painful. i still struggle to realy grasp and accept the fact that my husband is always either on the verge of drinking, drinking or hungover. . yuck. its sure not what i imagined yet its what ive got. im struggling to understand what an alcohilcs mind and body goes through after an all night drinking binge. . i get the initial hangover thing. . but what do their bodies do several hrs after with no.more alchol going in for a couple of days. really are they ever really sober? are they ever not under some form.of influence be it the alcohol or the withdrawl process? are they ever just ok? im probably asking as a way to cling to.hope. . a way to try to allow myself to believe that once in awhile i have a "normal" (ha)marriage. . .but who am i kindding right? so now having rambled as i lay here alone again, im reminded. . my focus is me and my child. . the end. but, man do i wish i could understand the compelling force that alcohol has to.make a person choose hrs on a barstool, hanging with people far beneath oneself and to then know ones body will pay the conseques for days after. . i just cant understand it yet i live in it every week. sighhhhh
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When all else fails...there is Faith, Hope and Prayer.
Glad that you shared and are using the tools of the program . They kept me sane. Just a thought Alcoholism is a progressive fatal disease over which we are powerless Trying to understand a irrational disease is painful and really does not help us to learn how to live our lives in the midst of the insanity
I had to remember that this disease had many symptoms that made it difficult understand .. Denial of the disease, blaming others for their problems hanging out with others who think and act as they do are all recognizable behavior
Please continue taking care of yourself and your daughter, and sharing here You are not alone
Aloha The Ocean I remember my curiosity being partly answered in college and mostly answered in Al-Anon and AA. I dug deep to understand and then came to it and still she continued to drink and use as was required by the disease. It is a compulsion (urge) of the mind and allergy of the body (alcohol is toxic a poison) and it is progressive because the body with all of its parts, brain, neurological system, bones, organs and such grows in adaptation and the alcoholic is compelled to drink more and more to maintain the level and get that one inch or foot or yard beyond. In spite of the pains caused by the allergy they will drink again unless they hit a bottom and won't want to anymore. Sadly too often they will reach insanity and then death before sobriety comes. Addiction is the use and abuse inspite of the known harm from the use and abuse. Sobriety is about reasonable, rational, sane and healthy choices and behaviors. Sanity is about the continuous and orderly process of thought. I am a double...a long time member of both programs. I urge you to get into Al-Anon face to face meetings if you have not already. You will change alot whether he is drinking or not. There is no such thing as a functional alcoholic. A person who is addicted to a life altering and threating chemical is not functional.
Thanks for your share and keep coming back. ((((hugs))))
TOC, as a recovering alcoholic, I do understand the process and the compulsion, but that doesn't make the disease rational or sane. It is insanity. During my active alcoholism, there were times when I was legally sober or medically sober, but I never had clarity. So I was never "sober" on that deeper level. I never had enough time between binges to see the world clearly. So yeah...I was never normal or well even though there were days and moments where the disease was not as destructive and overwhelming as others. You sound much better regardless of him. I can hear detachment in your post. Earlier posts from you were pure suffering that you were going through. I am inspired by your progress.
