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LOL! Oh, I always feel guilty when I drive by people who are begging on the side of the freeways, people who are stopped with a flat tire, etc. Now, I have no idea how I could help those people with the flat tire since I am not mechanically gifted, but I guess I could offer them a friendly smile, right? Yep, that about sums it up for me. Oh, and like those people really want my smiling face right? I'm sure they'd benefit much better from me actually knowing how to help them fix a flat!
You know you are codependent when you feel guilty driving by a hitchhiker. ..
I USED to feel bad till i heard enough scary news stories of people getting robbed and killed......now the only time I stop is at an obvious wreck....I offer to and I DO THE TALKING, but I offer to let their loved ones know they are ok (they could steal my iphone) so I don't even let someone use myphone anymore.......too many bad stories...........so sad.....humans are just too dangerous for a little lady like me to mess with..........wrecks I will stop at....then I keep my windows up enough to protect me....
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I went to the gym after work and someone tried to stop me to sell me some crap. I felt guilty for blowing them off but was already into my cardio when I was like "WTF! I come here to destress, work out, and I already pay to be here and they are still trying to aggressively sell me crap?" Annoying. But codependent me did feel guilty for not listening to the speel.
Some ideas or knowledge that might help that codependent and unrealistic guilt that have helped me:
Panhandlers can sometimes make up to $60,000 a year and not pay taxes. I've never made that kind of money, have tons of responsibility, and have to pay taxes.
Hitchhikers - like the one my Dad picked up - can choose to see the country in this way. (The guy was a railroad retiree. He liked to travel. He'd find shelters to stay in on the road. He'd get new clothes in various cities for free. He had a pension from the railroad that he used for spending money.) He pretty much travelled wherever he wanted to go for free in the US.
Thanks to cellphones, we can call 911 to get roadside assistance for somebody with a flat tire and if we avoid mud puddles as we pass them on the highway so they don't get wet, I think we can call that good.
As far as salespeople we didn't invite to call us or stop us in the parking lot - a friend handles them in this way: "Oh, I'm sorry. I don't want to waste anymore of your time. I'm not interested. Good luck today." She then hangs up or walks away.
I asked a homeless man I met in downtown Cleveland what he thought his purpose in life might be. His eyes sparkled as he told me that he saw his situation as a message for others: "Love one another."
Homeless people have told me that the hardest thing for them is when people won't look at them or speak to them. It makes them feel invisible. When folks do speak with them, they feel alive because they've been noticed.
As far as salespeople we didn't invite to call us or stop us in the parking lot - a friend handles them in this way: "Oh, I'm sorry. I don't want to waste anymore of your time. I'm not interested. Good luck today." She then hangs up or walks away.
I must be the exception, then, b/c I have no problem blowing off sales people or solicitors whom I did not ask to "sell their pitch to me".....like when they call, i don't even pu the phone.....when they try to accost me in the parking lots or whatever, I just tell them, thank you, not interested and i keep walking.........
One time I was working for a company it was my last long term job...sales lady calls, I politely tell her that we are a business and we don't accept sales calls , and I thanked her and she kept on and on and on, trying to push and starting to get aggressive...so I tell her, "what part of NO do you not understand????" (this was b4 recovery...now i just tell them no thanks, have a good day and i hang up) but anyway, she is getting aggressive so I do the "what part of no don't you get???" and I tell her we are NOT interested and I hang up...
a few min. later, her BOSS calls...wanting to speak to the lady who was rude to her worker....I tell "miss boss" that I am the one and she got in my face about being rude to her sales rep.......I told the boss lady, that if the sales rep cant take a "NO" she needs to change jobs, AND when you sign up for THAT kind of work, calling folks who did't ASK for you to call, then when person says "no thanks" and has to get rude to get rid of your lady who can't take no, then she ASKED for it and rudeness comes w/the territory of her job......I told the boss lady, I was not sorry, would not apologize and "thank you I have to go" I hung up......
IF they are sweet and take my "no" like a lady or gentleman, no problem....do I feel guilt?? Nope...I did not ask them to approach or call me......
if they are rude??? then yea, they start it, I will finish it and hang up......
I guess it is not difficult for me b/c it pertains to my having a CHOICE and these people if aggressive are like saying "you HAVE to buy from me" and that does not work w/me.....any "smell" of force or harassment and I am gonna dig in and defend my "no"....guess that goes back to the past again....NOW i can say "NO" and I exercise that right...
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
What, I thought everybody felt guilty doing that! LOL
One thing that got me past the issue of the guilt of turning down strangers was having to take a job as a receptionist. I now have no qualms at all about telling people a firm but friendly "No thank you" (which is a complete sentence). These cold-calling salesfolk really cannot argue with that. And when they try, they know they are starting to become an unreasonable pest. Also when people walk in off the street and ask if we are hiring, I say "Not right now, but you are welcome to leave a resume", and then wish them Good Luck as they leave. I mean what I say in all of these cases, and don't have to say it in a mean way, either. I think it took me about 3 months of being thrown into the deep end with these situations, to where I felt comfortable with it. But it was absolutely terrifying at first.
So for anybody wishing they could be assertive yet friendly with strangers selling or begging, take a job as a receptionist for a few months! It will cure you.
-- Edited by ClearTheFog on Wednesday 2nd of October 2013 09:40:47 AM
