I had the greatest talk w/my cousin who is my favorite of all relatives....she rates up there , maybe even more than my A brothers whom I love.........She and I grew up together....the respite i got from my hell was at her house w/her parents....we are fraternal cousins and very close in age....

we played together..shared the same bed.....my beloved Aunt Harriett would even toss us in the bathtub together,....."R" and I were inseparable and still are

my aunt and uncle wanted to keep me in the worst way...they wanted another girl and poor A. Harriett couldn't conceive....and they adored me.....what peace i had in my youngest years were thanks to these folks

well during my teens when the worst began,  "R" was student teacher at her church,  we saw each other but not so much....i was going over to these other folks house and THEY wanted to adopt me too...that started w/my elder sister's girlfriends just falling in love w/me and taking me home with them,  so I had THEM as my rescue family as well

however , of course, the offender had custody and even tho my aunt and uncle and this other , and I rightly call them,  Mom and Dad wanted custody of me,  the offender had the lions share of custody of me

fast forward........noone knew about the abuse except older sibs who did nothign to help me , in fact they shunned me, blamed me.....

so by the time "R" and I were collage aged, she went...I was refused............so I went to OK and staid w/my grandfather who was dying from his emphasema....he was too sick to handle a teenager w/my mental problems so he abandoned me

fast forward......."R" and I are in TX together when I moved her in 1992 to be near her....I lived w/her and found my now little house 6 mos. later.......it was in 1992 that I finally told "R"....she was the 2nd one I "Told the horrible secret" to.....My AH #2 was the 1st. and he loved and supported me, bless his heart, w/his alcohol probs., he was a real support....this is why I still love him.......

back to "R" , when I told her , her dry drunk hubby was out of town, and I just told her "i have something to tell lyou"  and I let the proverbial cat out of the bag............she grabbed me and "rocked me" as we both cried...........i told her everything......then we told her mom, which I disagreed with b/c of aunt Harrietts age, but "R" wanted her to know......so we told.........it broke Auntie's heart....but being a strong women, she quickly recovered and said  "we have your back, honey and we are here to listen and validate you as much as you want"

she was a rock.......so even before program, I found some hope, in that THEY NOT ONLY BELIEVED ME , but  THEY STILL LOVED ME.....Maybe even more........

I know through the years,  b4 program and during program, I "dumped" a lot on my poor "cuzzie"  and the poor thing had survivor's guilt...that I didn't know aout until TODAY

we talked an I was able   hooraaaay   to get out of me and SEE another's feelings about what my "venting" impacted them..........

she told me she felt horrible........she had a gr8 childhood and mine was horrendous......this challenged her basic beliefs in the world being fair, and that innocent people do get harmed greately,  and she ????d   why did I have to suffer so much and not her????

I told her that it was what it was an  to "PLEASE don't feel guilty b/c U had gr8 parents....U deserved them........so did  I ........but it didn't happen for me........"

however I did get respites....i was loved by everyone , outside of that nest of spiders, around me,  that wonderful family who wanted to adopt me.....i am still sisters w/my sisters to this day............one of whom went missing b/c of her Alzheimers and you guys supported me on that........

anyway, "R" and I had a lovely chat and i told her YES.. i was right to tell her why I was so sick........she deserved the truth..........however, I went "too far" w/the venting on her, dumping this on her when I needed to keep the bulk of it in recovery meets and sponsor talks......

so the UPSHOT is.....yea, share with her my PROGRESS and yea, if I am down w/my ptsd, sure.....be honest....state my needs for quiet and rest,  but don't go on and on and on abut the same old evil............bring it to the meetings

I acknowledged this to her and she was so proud of me and how far I am coming along.........I can't wait to see her.......she is coming to visit on the 1st. and we are gonna have a blast...........she makes the BEST coffee u ever tasted and i got videos galore, we can stay up all night chatting and watching vids on the big screen, but mostly,  I just want to savor her company

Today, I thank her for being HER.....I thanked her for existing and being my goodest and loving cuzzie a person could be blessed with......