The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
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information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
So lately I have been trying to focus on me. Leave it in HP hands. No snooping, no asking questions just moment to moment. Last night I was carrying my 13 month old around at bedtime and my A gave her his cell phone to play with. She was pressing buttons and up popped a fb msg from A to this girl he had an affair with(it was dated that day literally minutes before I arrived home). My heart sank but I am ever so grateful to my HP for bringing it to my attention. I tried with all my might not to react but respond...very difficult. Not all that successful but better. Today I was very clear on how this communication was to stop because I will no longer tolerate being disrespected. There are consequences and I will see them through. I will not go down to the depths of despair with him. I will pray for him and stay strong and steady on my own path of recovery. I want this. I need this. I will walk and focus on my health and my well being. I will provide my children with a mother who is strong and nurturing to them and their needs. I will let my children fall so they can pick themselves up. I will support them and encourage them. I will love them with a whole heart not a broken one. I type this now after having set boundaries but it was not before my tears flowed uncontrollably...powerless against all that others do and say. Its in my God's hands now.
My heart out to all those who hurt, who have been hurt, and those who will be hurt once more,
Hi, Mari: I know how painful this betrayal must feel? It also points out that what we need to know will come to us with no effort on our part as evidenced in our C2C reader. Keeping your head on straight and your heart closed to the disease's manipulations right now takes much strength and self-discipline. I, like you, am a person who simply can't abide deceit or affairs. Lying to myself about what is truly unacceptable to me in relationship to my A is one of the things I've been able to change with recovery work. It appears that you also will not tolerate pretense within your own mind, heart and soul. Good for you. Remembering that your responsibility is to your HP, then yourself and then your children right now appears to me to be you listening to your HP and having your priorities straight. Much support and understanding, Mari.
Awwww I'm so sorry you are going through this, ((((mari)))) Definitely, hp looking out for you. Please keep coming back to share with us. We're here for you. TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Been there and done that and then didn't do it anymore. It was a deal breaker for me and actual sign that I wasn't only carrying my spouses weight in a deciet and also the weight of another person who was helping her beak up the marriage. DONE!! Took my HP's hand and walked out. There is no law of morality or ethics which said I had to abide in and with it. I hope it stops for you also. Keep coming back. You're doing good for yourself. If he cannot and will not carry his own responsibility with you have him do it without you. ((((hugs))))
I have been through VERY similar circumstances and just wanted to tell you that your strength comes through your post BIG TIME. Very inspiring....I agree with another post-er who said that HP shows you what you need to see (something along those lines). I believe that too.
I just finished reading the book about Lois Wilson life story. Very inspiring.
I have come to realize just how important it is to attend a f2f meeting.
Thank you all for your kind words. Your support is truly appreciated.
