The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi I'm ok I'm alive and still a co dependent. I know what needs to change and it to much . To many sub selfs to deal with multiply emotions with there own fears and I can assure you my name is rosemary and not Sybil . My new onset of why I do what I do . Never new why had no clue I have no leader in my pack (in me ) I have sub selfs that have been harmed by many factors and please don't take this wrong but my A recovery had a major part in this new sub self I have. Hope all following me. Now that we no (. A ) states his drinking is not the problem it's my other sub selfs that won't help me get to my higher power maybe a hospital could help me. (âï¸) wish that was the middle finger instead. I'm traveling down to see my sister today because she seen my crys for help . She wants to guide me not walk for me or tell me what's best for me. But share her intake on this situation . She been where I'm at years of Therepy and 12 step from both side if the st. My A has been talking about this day for several days now and said to me I think it's a bad move for me to do is to add more out side help to my current issue. Basically stop talking . Ask me this morning why do I go to Alaon ? What is it doing for me ? Is it a night out to sit in pity and come home mad at me my A says. My A says it's not for me and thinks its a waste of my time. My reply back to him why I go. 1 because I can 2. Because I want to be around ppl and not be always with him. 3. Just because I can't get what I need at that time and can't connect with my higher up you want me to give up HOPE that I might here a message. I said you want me to give up on myself give up my goal to get better I said your asking me to stop looking and reading because I don't understand it. I looked at him and said do you know what's best for me ? Are you going to settle with me not getting better? I said to him think about what your asking me to do . And you tell me how healthy that is of you to tell your wife what she needs to get better. Said to my A why would you be selfish and say that to me , your surpose to cheer me on incourage me to go get help find what I need to get better so we can grow together . If you are a healthy 10 month A says the chip you got you would not be trying to talk me out of it. Your robbing me of my right you took from me when chose to drink . I don't see love from you or hope or patients or guidance and deff no support , and now you are going to use my other sub selfs emotion to confuse me more . Now your going to use my illness to work to your advantage to convince me Alaon not for me. I said I will keep going to Alaon until they tell me there's no hope and they denie me my right to get better like every one else has. Shame on him for being selfish and I don't think I'm taking it in a QTIP way
Ok I'm back that's a quick one . My A eerrrrrrr. ð¹ð¹ð¹ð¹ just came home with a rocking chair he paid 5 dollors for and said sit in it .. Why are you not dressed yet are you still going down your sisters I said yes . He says to me I hope you enjoy the nice things I'm doing for you . I hope you appreciate this because it will stop soon . And asked what I been doing all morning ? What am I wearing down there to see her? I want her number in case I need to get in touch with you . I said I don't have it I been talking to her via Facebook . He like BS!! You don't want me to have it.. I said I call you when I get there with my phone. Then proceeds to get more angry. Hope you have fun don't worry about me . I said thank u for the rocking chair thank you for all you do for me and thank you for your incouragement . He said I didn't give you any I said that's right u didn't but I'm telling you I acknowledge it for what it is . So he left here slamming and cussing. So I don't think I'm the issue here
I think I would say I will NOT be discussing my attendance in Al-anon with you anymore. This is my recovery and I want to keep it to myself. I love you and want to thank you but there is no need to involve yourself anymore.
Give him a hug.......then let go Let HP
((( hugs )))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Ms. C. I really don't want to sit in judgment but I'm not getting the whole picture here. I am thinking he has possibly married you from another country and expected a compliant and meek type of mail order housewife. I keep thinking this has to be the scenario because I can't think of any other way you would be with someone so controlling, possessive, and abusive, yet still feel tied to him. This is just the sense I'm getting. EVEN IF that was the scenario (and I know I'm leaping here), you seem to be growing into a confident woman. Yes, you seem to have some trauma issues due to the past, but on your own, you seem to work on them - he aggravates your working on your issues.
There is hope - you can make it on your own. I personally would not even tolerate listening to 99 percent of the bullcrap that he says. He's now saying his drinking was "not the problem?" Please. What kind of 4th step did he work? Or has he?
Anyhow, back to you. I hope I didn't make to many suppositions about where you are coming from with him but I'm picturing some sort of marriage that started out arranged or grossly unequal from the get go. Either way, you are equal and valuable and a worthy person now so do what makes you happy and healthy and stay safe! Keep taking care of you.
Oh...and when someone attacks you personally - It's okay to personally get the heck away from them. Try not to take the QTIP thing to mean you should accept abuse and "QTIP" it. If someone said some of the stuff you describe to me, I would QTIP it right out the door and/or QTIP it to the cops when they start slamming things and so forth.
I agree......tell me what U think the solution is to this??? How can you take care of you??? What steps are you currently working on?????? We have good meetings on this board and others.....What is your sponsor suggesting????? I would love to hear what program components you are working to be in the solution, and talking about you and what healthy things u r doing for you
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Rosemary, I hear a stronger woman through your posts. Keep going with your recovery and take great care of you. Enjoy your visit with your sister and let it be healing.
There is hope, and you have choices, and a way for change. Have the courage to continue working the steps and developing a relationship with your HP. Fears and feelings are not fact. My stress dramatically decreased since I have been able to stop hanging on every word from an active A or seeing myself through his sick eyes. When I became certain that each contact would bring only misery and insanity, I stopped engaging.
Thanks for the update I am happy that you are going to visit with your sister today and hope that you update us when you return.
You are gaining much awareness as you continue this journey with us. I do agree that it might be best if you did not engage with him in any discussion regarding your alanon meetings. By simply saying," I hear you and understand how you feel. I simply must do this for me . This might avoid lengthy destructive arguments.
Yes I think a dry drunk to but . I here about dry drunks and I see he has the attitude of it but still hate assume since I stay on my side of the street . And to all the other question. Yes he exspect me to be perfect he know that does not exist in the real world. What's the solution ?? Well it's for sure not yet visual yet to my eyes . I feel and it's my feelings but the way he speaks to me and the way he controlls and he very smart he use all other words but controll , trust me when I say I can only do so much and I'm able to I have others stuff get in the way of my recovery and my A no this and works it to the best . Yes my Sponser see this and wants to help but she also has been able to valedate that what I say is true not in my mind . Some how and I truly believe in brain washing . Years and years of the A telling you what's right for you and any one I make friends with he finds ways to keep me away from any one that guided me . I should shave my head put a cross on my head and just start calling him Charlie .. Charles Manson did not commit those crimes writes but he played the part of brain washing ppl to do things for him . That's my A he smart . Like it says ok say when !! Say enough! I'm going to a dam meeting tonight I don't care the guilt trip he puts on me . My fear is I'm going to be to powerful for him to accept and things twist for the worst . I do have a team of ppl helping me get things in place but I don't feel like I'm ready to chance it
