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You know when it's been quiet, And you are lulled into a false sense of "maybe this isn't so bad", something's gonna hit the fan. So here's last night.
I stay in the den at night, have become quite content to be by myself, comfy and cozy. With a kitty or two. On the laptop or watching TV. The AH has the greatroom with the big TV and the home theater system, and the fire place, ect.
Now I know if I mention sports,the guys on here, are gonna think I'm some sort of nag. But, realize, my AH is the kind of sports fanatic that other guys litterly, shake their heads at. I don't like to watch sports. Of course sports is not the problem here, It's the underlying self centered, all about me, selfish , drunk, that's the problem.
The AH records all kinds of sports stuff on both of the TVs, while watching a game on "his" TV and listening to some other game on the radio. So you can see the problem here....I really don't ask for much, just to be left to my own devices inside my cave. There is a series marathon of a show that is ending. I had always heard this was a good show and since escape from reality is always good, I figured I would record all 6 seasons of this show and watch it at my leasure. SO, I set it up to record, and came out , and told the AH he would not be able to record anything on "my" TV till Sun. (4 whole days) He went bollistic (SP?) Screaming, and yelling and carrying on. I thought he was going to blow a gasket. I however did not, join in on the screaming.He is a big enough ass for both of us.
He just put me one big step closer to getting a divorce. You see, unlike a lot of the people on here, I have no undying love for the man. He has spent the last 41 years making sure he killed off every feeling I ever had for him. It's almost as if he is on a mission to make me hate him.
Yup. I understand. My hubby gave up booze but there are some sports teams that he plans his days around. Addiction? Maybe not quite. But really annoying when an outside thing can be the elephant in the room and we have to live life around it.... even sex.
I also have MY room with MY tv.... and his tv is the huge one with the home theatre system.
Brava Islandtime, congratulations on staying calm and protecting your cave, it sounds like a really good place to relax. I'm not sure how to spell ballistic (spell check just changed it automatically - hey ho, now I know) but I just wanted to say, if spell check will let me, that I much prefer your word bollistic and I shall be using it henceforth - it just seems to sum things up so much better
PS My AH admits that he wanted me to hate him - that way he could show me how he feels about himself. So sad all round. Take care of yourself and enjoy the series.
He just put me one big step closer to getting a divorce. You see, unlike a lot of the people on here, I have no undying love for the man. He has spent the last 41 years making sure he killed off every feeling I ever had for him. It's almost as if he is on a mission to make me hate him.
yea, like my theory has always been....IF i am gonna live alone, take care of myself, be a single in all things, I may as well BE single and be sans the abuse (verbal, mental, physical) 41 years, wow, u r stronger then I am...I couldn't have taken it that long.........1st marriage lasted 5 years.....2nd was about 13 all together and thats only bc he was nice to me.......
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I can really relate. I have my room and my TV and he has his. Ours has been 45 years. You have the kitties and I have the three dogs with me.
But the fact he pitches a fit about the TV because he wants to record on yours, I don't see as fair at all. Once in a while I want to watch three things at once and ask him if I can record on his. Tonight I have 30 minutes that way. But I did arrange it so the show I wanted to record on his is also one he wanted to watch. I can see if I had asked him to allow me to record a soap opera on his he would go ballistic.
I have learned over r the years that alcoholics think differently than we non-alkies do. Sometimes it's the old.." What's mine is mine and what's yours is also mine." Good luck!
Hey, at least you put the quotations with sp behind it. My AH has a terrible time with spelling and he's been asking our son how to spell stuff for years, LOL. My son gets a kick out of it because he has some learning disabilities but the one place where he tests at a college level is spelling.
As to your original post, I completely understand the TV thing, too. From very early on in our marriage I felt that my AH had a TV addiction. This was before the drinking, too, and he'd sit there from 3 or 4 PM until midnight, falling asleep in front of the TV many nights too. I do not control the remote in our house and there are 2 other TVs I can watch which have basic cable. I could care less for TV and mostly just keep it on HGTV when I'm home, LOL, if it's on at all. I could never understand why he was so drawn to just sit there but honestly, I think he sat there to distract himself from reality, just as how he uses the drinking to escape as well. It's an escape tool, it's also something he has control over and that gives him a feeling of power. I do what you do, I go into another room, I sit outside and throw the ball for the dog, I go for a walk if it's not too late, I watch TV on the crappy television just to kill some time if I'm exhausted, or I help my son with his homework.
My AB is addicted to online computer games rather than sports; so, he got to a point where he could no longer work and I was paying the internet bill alone while he played games all day..and he would scream bloody murder if i used the internet at all because it "slowed down his game". He would even disconnect me from the modem- which he insisted on keeping in his room...THE NERVE!!! (Yes, what's mine is mine and what's yours is also mine). I just stopped paying the bill, and got my own seperate internet connection. (Now if anyone can tell me how to spell seperate, I'll be grateful because I can never get it right lol). His internet was disconnected, and it was just too bad. (This motivated him to get a job lol).
I don't know if you can do that with your tv subscription or whatever it is that makes him think he has a right to use your tv, but I've found the best policy is to just (seperate) every single item/service that causes contention.
So I have my own TV, my own internet, my own food, my own dishes, my own towels, the list goes on. If it causes a fight, then it gets divided. It works well for me.
