The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My daughters live in A. stopped putting money in "their" account to pay bills. She found out yesterday ... which his reply was going to a bar all night. She then blew his phone up with txts. He said he's moving in an apartment. She cant afford the home she bought without help. I wrote her $300 to cover what she was short. I told her NOT to tell him. As far as I know she didnt.
they spoke after theygot off work and he said he couldnt afford to move out yet and he couldnt pay his part of their bills .... he hasnt mowed grass in ahile. My AH volunteered to do this in the next couple days so she wont get rodents in her house.
My issue with this: I will not pay more money on her house and help her while he is living there. My MOM mouth said.. if he cant afford his $300 for nect two weeks he needsto stay with a friend, Id be nice enough to let him store his furniture up to a couple weeks ... but he needs to learn a hard lesson.... He is at pool bars 3-5 days a week, drinks a 30 pk daily. He cant afford to get a lawyer to see his son (his ex wont let him, and shes in contempt) He says he has no mother relationship ... best I can tell (and I shared,) he's playing the victim
.and she is defending hinm and blaming herself !!! Im like SMH ... alanon 101
I just said ... (to my daughter) I hope it doesnt take you the same 45 years it took me to accept .. the 3 C's
My duaghter isnt an A - works full time (hard job) and goes to school at night. I will help her ....as soon as he is gone.. Im having to let her hit bottom with him if she chooses to let him stay !
Her dad is an A ... When he couldnt control her, she doesnt exsist to him... She just kept crying and saying.. If my own dad doesnt love me why would any other man....
If you stayed with my ramble this long..... what book would you recommend me loaning her first ... She does recognize he and last few bf have same qualities of her dad ... this one was just more of a pleasant personality and non abusive
__________________
..."expecting the world to treat you fairly because your a good person, is like expecting a bull to not attack you because your a vegetarian "
Even though its not your Daughters fault that her A is not responsible, there are lessons to be learned.
You , me, we have all paid the consequences for being with an alcoholic. The karma of the next generations continue.
Does your daughter have a recovery program? Does she attend Alanon meetings?
Just his irresponsibility is abusive even if he is not physically or verbally abusive. He wants to be taken care of.
Your choice of not helping if he continues to stay is right on.
Since she is a child of an alcoholic parent, she qualifies for Alanon, first book to recommend is Alanon literature. Courage to change is another one. She would do well to recognize the men she is drawn too and stop the cycle .
I know it is hard to not help, however, trust that she will figure out what she needs to do. If it were my daughter, I would remind her that al anon is available to help her figure it out and I am available to love, listen and affirm. (((hugs)))
