The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have broken up with my boyfriend of about a year and a half. The breakup was mutual, but hard for both us. He is an alcoholic/addict. He will be sober for certain amounts of time, then it all goes downhill and he'll go on these benders, which can even lead into crack binges. It always ends with him crying and telling me that he is no good and to run as far as I can. Then it's turnings into us trying to work it out.
I haven't seen him in a week. I feel like its been a year. I know it sounds pathetic, but I'm worried about him. Is he ok? Is he with someone else? Is he happier without me? Or maybe he is just drinking trying to cope.....
just a month ago we where swimming in waterfalls, picnicking, and our intimacy was always good. I HATE tha fact that alcohol and drugs have destroyed our relationship.
i have two young boys who have witnessed enough of us fighting. I know I need to give them their mother back. Before this Relationship I was married to my boys father who is still an active alcoholic. We where together 9 years. Alcoholism has literally ruined my life.
i miss my boyfriend. I miss his love. I'm operating for strength and going to al anon. Sometimes I fear losing him forever. maybe its cause this is new. Anybody have words for me? I'm scared, single mother who is terrified. I feel spread so thin with my boys.
Welcome I am glad you found us and shared your heart. Alcoholism is indeed a dreadful progressive disease that destroys not only the user but all that come in contact with it. It is so important to reach out and break the isolation caused by this disease so that I believe that you are doing the right thing attending alanon face to face meetings. I am so sorry for the pain you are in
Remember it is normal to be concerned for your partner and alanon suggests that you also learn how to be concerned for your self and your well being . The best gift you can give your family is attending meetings and regaining your healthy self
Thank you so much. I'll be strong for a couple days then I feel weak again. I'm learning how to be alone and take care of myself, but I'm finding it difficult.
We all have these feeling of weakness but we have learned through Al-anon and the friendship here that we have tools to help us during these times. You need support and love for yourself and family to make the right decisions.
You need to be healthy for even your boyfriend so he can see a good example of a healthy woman and mother.
Keep coming back my friend because you are not alone
Take care
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
You received good Al-Anon wisdom in the above posts.
I raised my children as a single Mom after divorcing my x. My son was 3. My daughter was 18 months. I learned that although I had to work hard, sometimes 3 jobs at a time, I could avoid bankruptcy, feed, clothe and shelter my children, do volunteer service and climb my way out of poverty and an abusive relationship. It wasn't easy, but faith, determination, respect for myself and love for my kids kept me going. What I couldn't do for myself, my HP did for us - even right down to a knock at my apartment door one November Sunday when I knew I had no coat for the winter. I always kept my financial problems and my needs to myself. I said a prayer to my HP, went back to doing my housework, and lo and behold, a woman I only knew on a surface level showed up at my door with a heavy wool cape and hood that I could use until the worst of winter when my Mom bought me a winter coat for Christmas.
We get scared because we try to look too far into the future. One day at a time is enough to get us to where we're going and out of the messes we might find ourselves in. Glad you're here.
Keep coming back.
Thank you so much for your words. This alcoholism and addiction is so scary to me. It's such a scary thing...I'm trying so hard to take care of myself. I. Scared my boyfriend will die.
I understand "scared my boyfriend will die." Right now, he is very much alive. Reality is that we all die. The how and the when of it can't be determined by us. It happens when it happens. Being focused on what will happen in the future - death - keeps us stuck in both the past and the future in our minds. The only way we can enjoy our lives is to live them one day at a time. What can you do today to enjoy your life? Enjoy your sons' lives and care for them in ways that help you feel good about you? There is nothing you can do to change, cure or control your boyfriend or his addiction. Only he can do anything about it in a recovery program. Much encouragement to you as you care for yourself and your children. Al-Anon can help you learn how to focus on yourself and your children and detach from your boyfriend and his disease.
