I don't know what to do anymore.... - Al-Anon Family Group

Jacquiej · Newbie

I don't know what to do anymore....

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear Jacquiej

I am glad that you found us and reached out . Alanon is a fellowship of men and women, who live with or have lived with the problem of alcoholism. We share our experience, strength and hope in order to solve our common problem. I see that you do accept that Alcoholism is a disease. In alanon we believe it is a fatal progressive disease over which we are powerless. We did not cause, cannot control and cannot cure it. The best we can do to help the entire family to is seek a recovery program for ourselves.

I urge you to review the two "Sticky's" found at the top of the Board One describes the promises of alanon STICKY: THE PROMISES OF ALANON.

Alanon has face to face meetings in most communities and the information can be obtained by calling the main number found in the white pages. Keep coming back here as well You are not alone

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

Dear Jacqui

Glad u showed up and I have some suggestions for you....

#1...I would have on my cell or other easy to find place the # of a Domestic Violence /abuse shelter bc you said he is getting combatative and U are afraid of him......if he does not get help, AA and abstinence while he works program, this is going to get worse.....ok enough of him...alanon is for the non drinker

I would first find the nearest alanon meeting and attend...some of the older more experienced folks can advise you after the meet as to where DV shelters are, etc..also I would get into the 12 steps to work on you and find you.....I wold also practice the slogans b/c they are the "proverbs of alanon" and I would work my program adn completely detach and let go of HIM

you cant do anything for him....you cannot change him...cure him.....cause him to drink.....you must accept the fact you are 100% powerless over him and his drinking, but youi CAN take care of you

I left my drinkers b/c I don't want to live w/active drinking.....that was my choice...alanon doesn't tell you go...or stay...that is up to you.....if your children are under age it is your duty to make sure they have a safe environment.....u can do that if you are working your program and keeping your sanity...

sorry this has all happened...sounds like he is really getting worse....its too bad, but there is nothing u can do to save him, however you can save yourself...i hope you do for teh sake of your kids

Bettina · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to MIP Jacquiej,

There is nothing you can do for him at this time but let go and seek your own recovery.

I hear your frustration as we have all been there. One thing for sure is that you can't do it alone.

I support Hot Rods suggestion in finding a face to face meeting.

Alanon helped me many years ago in finding the answers for me when I was at my lowest and didnt know where to turn.

Also please keep coming back to the board as there is plenty of experience for you to hear.

Keep coming back,
Hugs, Bettina

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Aloha Jacquiej and welcome to the board again. Keep coming back because this is family with alot of experience and time which can be yours for free to help you change your situation. Situation not Alcoholic. You've already heard that you can't and that's fact. You have heard that the disease is progressive. It cannot be cured and only arrested by total abstinence. You've watched him do abstinence and you've watched him relapse. It is now worse...it is supposed to be that. It is also fatal and results in the insanity you have been watching he go thru. Alcohol isn't milk or orange juice...alcohol kills people who it comes in contact with...don't be one of them. You won't be able to guilt and shame him more than he is guilting and shaming himself...you won't even come close. He is trying to beat something he knows he cannot and trying to outlast something which doesn't have an end until it's done. Sobriety is a one day at a time process and he has had some and he is now drinking while his program of recovery is still in his head...Did he have a sponsor in the past and is his sponsor still available? Did he attend meetings in your area and are some of those guys available? If they are you can reach out to them because we are alway on hand to help save another's ass. I'm a double...both Al-Anon and AA and have done rescues in the past. You are not alone and he isn't either. The program is a Higher Power tool and gateway for the alcoholic and the family of the alcoholic or addict. The hotline number for Al-Anon is in the white pages of your local telephone book...call it and come find your seat. You never have to be alone with this again. (((((hugs))))) smile

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

You have heard great responses, I concur with all that was said. I began living my life when I took the focus off of my husband and put it where it belongs, on me. I am now living a life I love (most of the time smile ).

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

You've received good E/S/H from all the previous responders, so I don't see anything more to add to their experience as written. I am going to say more on the fear you are experiencing in relationship to him to piggyback onto Neshema's post. If there is a safe place for you to go now, I think I'd do it. My experience with some As in my life made it necessary for me to separate myself from them physically. In my experience, the A could be passive one second and behave like a crazy person in the next. They don't cause it. They can't control it. They can't cure it. The chemical imbalances in the brain render them powerless over the behaviors.

If you can talk with somebody at the hospital or whomever it is who has a medical interest in your husband and share with them the severity of his illness and the fierceness of his behaviors, they may be able to admit him somewhere for the help that he needs. I think I'd stay away from the police here - they tend to become aggressive in these types of situations - and try to help get him into inpatient treatment or me into a safe place.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.