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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> I finally moved & have more a voice to my alcoholic mothers famiyl all of a sudden :)
Post Info TOPIC: I finally moved & have more a voice to my alcoholic mothers famiyl all of a sudden :)
qwerty49


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I finally moved & have more a voice to my alcoholic mothers famiyl all of a sudden :)
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So I moved to Cornwall from Manchester & decided I'd textd my cousin to ask if she'd look out for mum now i'm here as i know she get upset that she's not included in stuff they do. She was very defensive & said she's 'always' there for my mum, which is bull. Mum & me were stood outside her house once on her birthday with a present, she knew we were going round, but then told us she was having a last minute meal with my aunty & the rest of the family. Mum was really upset.

Anyway, yesterday mum told me how a blood blister had come up on her arm after just knocking it, this played on my mind all day & upset me (because i'm human) so i text my cousin again telling her & asking her to talk to mum & saying that she needs help etc. My cousin then rang my mum saying she was fuming, & she was at work etc etc, mum told me & then it turned into some kind of argument. Mum denied to my cousin what she said this morning (that her friend is more like family, & that she knows my cousin is not interested in her) so i told my cousin that, everytime i told my cousin somethign she told my mum then my mum said she had a headache & might as well have a drink (at 11am) why do people react instead of caring? & then my mum made out i was lying, so i'm amde to look a fool? then my cousin give me a load of abuse, saying i was annoying her & to hget off my soap box & my text were 'petty' & she wasn't in the mood for them.

I thought i was trying to help, because i care. But they think i'm just 'sh**t stirring' etc :(



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grateful2be


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I was just thinking about you yesterday, wondering if you moved, and here you are posting. Now that you are in Cornwall, if its at all possible, maybe you could let Manchester and all the happenings there, just be for awhile as you settle in to your new place, find your meetings, and do whatever else you need to do to take good care of you? Sounds like your cousin has her own stuff to deal with as your Mom does, too. Let HP take care of them while you take care of you, if you choose? I've learned that is the best way for me to deal with my life. Otherwise, I'm in constant turmoil and serenity is much more appealing.

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig
neshema2


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I am reading your post and I seee you are worried about your mum, cousin, etc., what will be will be.....are you in charge of anything there??? Do you have any power over any of this??? or is this just "stuff" to worry about????   You LEFT for a reason.....I would let it go...take cre of me...fine a meeting....work my stps....embrace my new move and, if I want it,  freedom from the past stuff and take care of me......happy move....let it be a good one and let it begin w/you and your letting go the past....cutting it loose....let mum and cousin take care of their own stuff as you take care of you...that is what I would do



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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!! 
grateful2be


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My Mom used to say: "You kids are going to drive me to drink." She never drank in her life. She hated the smell of it and the taste of it. Moms have their favorite sayings. I think they get passed down from generation to generation? Mine was: "You kids better not do that again." I wasn't even conscious of it until my then 8 year old daughter asked after getting a lecture following church and my favorite saying: "Muvver. Have you ebber disobeyed da Lord?" "Well, yes, I have." "Well, den. If you have disobeyed da Lord and yur an adult. How can you expecdus nebber to do it again?  We're just widdle kids."

QTIP, qwerty, is a good slogan to follow now if you choose. What Mom and cousin say are their business. Whether or not you take it personally is yours. I've learned in life, most of what people say isn't about me, its about them.

Glad to know you're fixing your bike to get to the Al-Anon meetings. As far as the stuff left behind. Is having the rest of it worth the emotional upheaval to you? Stuff can be replaced. Your health - that's another story.

(((G))) You're going to make progress one day at a time. Keep coming back. Looking forward to hearing about your meeting if you'd like to share, too.



-- Edited by grateful2be on Tuesday 24th of September 2013 11:03:08 AM

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig
qwerty49


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Hi grateful & nesh, thanks for your replies, and thank you for thinking of me grateful :) that's nice to hear. I had doctors appointment today & opened up to him, he seemed really helpful. I am trying to keep the focus on me, it's so difficult when mum was supposed to come up with some of my stuff from my flat as the removal men said it would fit in their van but it didn't, so mum said she'd help me??! which was nice & she spent a few days helping me out. But then didn't remove the rest of the stuff so i've gotta pay an extra weeks rent now. A few neighbours helped load her car up & she was due to come down today with it...but she went in a mood yesterday about all that stuff and then last night i got the most horrendous text from her...

I felt sick to the stomach and had a panic attack, i couldn't concentrate & was crying & had to have 2 valium to calm me down. She textd me saying 'I'm going to bed now to have a stroke, thanks daughter'.

After my dad had a stroke 3 years ago, how could she. The whole point in me contacting my cousin was for her sake and she says that to me. I ended up texting back telling her to bin the rest of my stuff.

I can't bare the emotional abuse anymore, i feel like i'm going to crack up. Anyway, better go now, i only get half an hr free down here at the library, until my broadband gets connected..

Thanks for all your support guys, I'm trying to fix my bike to get to the alanon meeting

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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> I finally moved & have more a voice to my alcoholic mothers famiyl all of a sudden :)