I am new here - Al-Anon Family Group

Christine · Newbie

I am new here

grateful2be · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to the board. Antabuse works only on the liver. It doesn't help an alcoholic recover. Its just meant to help them avoid drinking because of the physical risks taking it and drinking, too, can create.

Alcoholism is a disease. We need Al-Anon to help us learn more about its effects and how we can make changes that are in our best interest. The program is for us who have been affected and will continue to be affected by the disease. We suggest attending face to face Al-Anon meetings, getting Conference Approved Literature at the meetings or at the World Service Al-Anon Office that you can find on-line. Keep coming back here, too.

Your hurt and feelings of abandonment are part of what attending meetings, developing relationships with others who understand this disease will help you work through as you make changes that are in your best interest one day at a time in a formal program of recovery for you.

Tasha · Senior Member

Welcome : )

Reaching out for help is a very smart and brave move.

You're right in the thinking that alcoholism is a disease. Unlike any other disease - there is a mental twist in which the victim must believe they do not have it in order for it to 'exist'. The physical allergy is the aspect that makes the victim incapable of knowing or stopping the amount of alcohol consumed. These 2 factors are what make this a disease as listed by medical professionals. The solutions found in AA are total abstinence, and the 12 steps which allow the person to break through the barrier of that 'it can't be me' part. There is hope that the individual can lead a fulfilling life free from addiction. I try not to look at the statistics, same as if you were diagnosed with cancer and got hard to look at statistics. Focusing on hope and working a program to support YOU in dealing with the sick person is the most loving gesture for you - and everyone else. Keep us posted on YOUR progress, it helps us and you - win win!

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

I am glad that you found us and reached out . Alanon is a fellowship of men and women, who live with or have lived with the problem of alcoholism. We share our experience, strength and hope in order to solve our common problem. Alcoholism is a disease that we did not cause cannot control and cannot cure The best we can do to help the alcoholic is seek recovery program for ourselves.

I urge you to review the two "Sticky's" found at the top of the Board One describes the promises of alanon STICKY: THE PROMISES OF ALANON

and the other the disease concept of alcoholism STICKY: Why Alcoholism is "categorized

Alanon has face to face meetings in most communities and the information can be obtained by calling the main number found in the white pages. Keep coming back here as well You are not alone

neshema2 · ~*Service Worker*~

QUOTE.... He promises to go back on antibuse and see the psychiatrist for his depression and anxiety issues as recommended by his doctor. I feel so hurt angry and abandoned by him. Am I ridiculous in believing that alcoholism is a disease? I could really use some friends and support out there. He has such a beautiful soul, when he is well we take care of each other and support each other through everything.

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Hello and a big welcome......

#1....he will never get well, unless he gets into program, works his program with all diligence and sticks with it.....

so now...lets talk about you....alanon is for US...not them....it has to be for us b/c we are the only ones we can help.......

are you going to meetings???? do you have workbooks and books on the steps????? do you have the slogans and practice what wisdom they teach????? are you reading and meditating on the literature ???? he has to do what he has to do.........you can do nothing for him....he has to want help and if he does not choose it, and you choose to stay w/him, then you are going to have to work a STRONG program and learn lots of detachment

He may have a beautiful soul, but he is seized up by alcoholism , a disease that only gets worse..never better if they don't get into AA and QUIT....100% STOP drinking....as they work program....there will be no taking care of each other if he does not get into program, however you CAN take care of YOU by workign your program..........

I urge you to give this a chance......it really really works......I am waaay healthier than I used to be, I was so codepenent, it was unbelievable.....now I am so much better and I am hooked on the program b/c working it daily keeps me level and keeps me able to deal with me and my own life....

take care and hope to see you taking care of you and detaching from him....he has to find his own way

a wise person said...hes an AA'er and has become a good MIP buddy of mine......he told me...."this is a save your self program" we have to focus on ourselves b/c we are the only ones we can change........TRUE STORY spoken from my friends in AA and Alanon, ACOA, you name it, we all agree....we cannot change a soul, but ourselves.....

Also Antibuse does not change the thinking that is screwed up and making him drink......he needs PROGRAM....that is your only hope of prospering in this relationship.............YOU in Alanon........HIM in AA....and both of you working your own programs, discovering yourselves.....learning to think better and love yourselves........

Please take what you can use and leave the rest...

Melly1248 · ~*Service Worker*~

My dear sweet baby brother started taking antabuse a couple of years ago and did great for almost a year too. Then he found a new group of friends at school and stopped taking it so he could "drink socially". Then after he fell in a heap he started taking it again. Then he joined a new band and stopped taking it so that he could "have a few after his gigs". It's become an endless cycle. I've tried to suggest a program to him but he won't hear it. Every time his drinking causes him a real crisis, he starts back on the antabuse...for a few weeks. In my opinion, the drug enables him. It gives him a misguided sense that when things get bad, he just has to pop a magic pill to make the bad go away. I often wonder, if antabuse was a PERMANANT drug- take it once and you can never drink without being sick again- would he take it? I really think not.
But, it's his life and these are his lessons to learn.

I'm sorry you're losing your best friend to this. The good news is, there are a lot of things you can gain for yourself here and in alanon.

pinkchip · ~*Service Worker*~

Two sick folks do not make a well relationship. Alanon is for you to get well and AA is for him (if he chooses). Otherwise it's drama and supporting each other through crises and being victim to the next crappy situation....blah blah blah. I lived that life for years and years. You are not crazy at all. What you are doing is not uncommon. It is also a testament to your caring soul that you have these feelings and tendencies...BUT: You don't have so suffer along with a person who has problems. He can own his problems and you can own yours. You can also have less problems and he can still have a ton. Or you can both work programs of recovery and not have so many constant problems. It's not always a "we get through everything together" thing. That is a set up to have problems and then believe that you need the other person to solve them or suffer through them. What about being with someone who doesn't have so many issues and just enjoying life with them without suffering through this or that with them? Life doesn't have to suck so much and you don't need to ride the life sucks train with a self-sabotaging drunk. I too had depression and didn't develop tools to deal with life til I went to AA like Neshema said. Prior to that I leaned on other people to solve my problems and I looked for enablers to suffer with me and whine about how hard life was and how much it sucked....plus I got with others who also had a ton of problems they the could not manage cuz like attracts like.

Alanon can be were you get well on your own and let him either follow suit in AA or not. Suffering with someone is not romance most of the time it's codependency. So - no you are not crazy - no the relationship is not hopeless... It just sounds like you both have some work to do.

Breakingfree · ~*Service Worker*~

Welcome to MIP, I am glad you found us! Face to face meetings and reading lots of literature helped me the most. Two books that helped me immensely when I first started my al-anon recovery were "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie and "Getting Them Sober" by Toby Rice Drews. In time you will learn to focus more on your recovery and let him focus on his. I am sending you lots of love and support and keep coming back and reading all you can!

Christine · Newbie

So I was reading on co-dependency and narcissism, thinking no way am I co dependent and no way is he narcissistic. I am strong and he is far too sweet and loving to have any kind of control over me. Until this morning when he was mad that I didn't ask his friends to write him letters while he sits in jail. This request was two days ago. I listened and was thinking, no way you can sit there and suffer the consequences. But, then after our conversation I turned to the computer and asked his friends to write him as he is losing his mind in there. I did however ask them to share there thoughts on his alcoholism and what he has and what he stands to lose. Any thoughts on this one? I would greatly appreciate it. So glad I found this forum.

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.