The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
My partner was upset yesterday about issues going on at the church. The priest (Episcopal) is getting ready to retire and there's to be a search committee for a new rector. People are jockeying for positions on that search committee. People who already have other important positions in the church (volunteering) are wanting to be the head of the committe. My partner wants to be head of that committee and views that he worked so hard throughout the years to make the church what it is.
Anyhow, he spent hours on the phone talking to this and that person about why this person should not be on the committee and how that would "mess up" everything and was getting all upset. I told him basically the following:
1. The church is going to survive whether or not you are on that committee or not.
2. It's not worth getting your panties all up in a bunch and throwing your serenity away because you are powerless over it.
3. If changes happen as a result of people retiring and certain people being on committees, then those things were probably meant to happen because nothing happens in God's world by mistake.
4. That he probably should get his ego out of it cuz he's not God and there are also other churches to go to.
5. That it's not practicing principles before personalities to talk smack about other church members and why they are not as good for certain positions.
He did not agree and started talking about how it would be wrong if he knew he could "save" the church from all this trouble to not step in. He was also starting to get irritated with me. At that poiint, I realized not everyone views themselves as needing a program and it was me that needed to detach. So I shut up. LOL.
Besides - a church member will do what a church member does. No use getting our panties in a bunch and losing our serenity over it. Good that you detached.
You've provided solid support for your partner; maybe, he'll reach for your words as some time passes. I'm glad you detached and kept your serenity in tact.
This is why I am grateful that I went through all I did. Letting these concepts and principles seep deep into my soul - could have never happened otherwise.
One point I was making was not only to I flip into automatic 12 step/program thinking mode about most things...but I apply it to others and their problems and how they might look at things. I can't lay a 12 step program on my partner and he does just fine without. I'm the one that would go nuts with the church thing. It's just his thing...no biggie. He can be wrapped up in church politics if he wants lol. It was ironic that I was hammering home all these alanon/AA tools and traditions and then wound up being the one that had to detach cuz it's not my business.
This reminds me of my son who after listening to me for a while said 'Im sick of Alanon and on and on and on' I thought that was really funny and true.x
When I finally learned that no matter how I tried to put "my" program over on my victim I would get rejection I got to see it as drawing my gun too quickly and shooting myself in the foot...I would say to myself then "There!! I got myself good that time". We learn that allowing others, especially the alcoholic or addict the dignity of their choices is the greatest respect we can give. So how does it go next time? There is always a next time and a newer choice and consequence. Good try Pink...sterile gauze...antibiotic cream...soft shoes. lol (((((hugs)))))
I think everyone should know the 12 Steps, even the our government leaders, heaven only knows they need them....!
So many of us strive to have the 12 Steps be our first response....your partner may not envy you but some of us do. He should know that you are who you are because of the 12 steps (and your mother of course) :) ...og
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Don't Worry About Growing Old, It Is A Privilege For Some Of Us.....
