The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
today is so beautiful outside. thinking about my AS and all of the things we used to do before he become so acutely ill with alcoholism. we used to hang out and laugh so hard. he is one of the funniest people i ever met in my life. and we used to talk and share so much. and go to the lake and have just the best time. or just get in the car and take a mini vacation! now his days consist of waking up at 2p.m. and drinking shortly after that because he is in such horrible alcohol withdrawal. i have detatched the best way i know how. i talk to him on the phone a few times a week before he gets drunk. i can't spend physical time with him at this point because he has lost so much weight and is sinking so rapidly. (he has tools to get better but chooses not to use them) his two sisters have also set boundaries with him and don't want anything to do with him if he is drinking. i just miss my boy so much. we used to do thinks as a family but don't anymore. i just want to wrap my arms around him and have some of those beautiful moments again. just rambling....
I understand. My AH and I used to enjoy so many things together. Then alcoholism became a third party in our marriage. My husband is not drinking now, but he is far from recovery. I miss what we had, but I also am happy that I finally see that I'm important too. Alanon has given me great tools. I hope you can enjoy this beautiful day for you. I will say a prayer for you and your son. Hugs
i just miss my boy so much. we used to do thinks as a family but don't anymore. i just want to wrap my arms around him and have some of those beautiful moments again. just rambling....
Ohh Deb, I am reading your share and thinking of my brother , the one who is 8 yrs. younger then me......OMG...we used to have a blast together....b4 the alcohol has taken him......he is in his 50's now and I just can't talk to him anymore after , say, 4 - 5 pm central time b/c he is in MA, he drinks after work.......and I just cannot stand talking w/him when he is loaded.....I am so sorry , I can't imagine a SON and CHILD of mine being like that......my brother and i had so much fun, I know he wants to come see me but I just can't have him over.....I told him straight out, when he was sober that "NO...I can't handle you coming and getting "plowed" and upsetting me" I just cannot do it.........he is such a GOOD guy, he helps everyone....people love him, and thats his problem, people love him TOO much and they enable him, and keep him from hitting bottom...
he still does not have his license back...he may be w/out it for a few months, so everyone is taking him to work with his tools and all...customers pick him up.....heck, he doesn't even miss his truck........people enable and rescue him so he can't hit bottom and be forced to reach out b/c he is one who will have to be forced.....Your post really touched me....the love and sadness I see in your post......sending you support hugs and peace energy..............IN SUPPORT
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I'm sorry, Debhud. It is a difficult challenge for a Mom to accept that this is the way things are for our children, for us, and for our families, too. Acceptance doesn't change our reality, but it does make us more able to do what we can with what we have from where we are. When I turn my children and my dreams for my children into their HP's hands and me, too, it helps me to bear the grief with a little more dignity, a little more patience, a little more peace. In this way, I do my part to avoid being totally destroyed by the disease or the consequences of the disease.
Much support and understanding on an experiential level. I know it hurts. I also know there are moments and memories that don't hurt. I try to focus my attention more on those moments and memories than on the ones that hurt. I don't know if this will help you, but it has helped me.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Saturday 21st of September 2013 06:46:53 AM
A brave share. Nothing in this world could make me stop loving my son. While the pain is clearly deep - setting it to words is healing and freeing. I'm glad you've felt safe enough to share you hurt and memories with us. I take time to remember the good times of my son as a baby and toddler. Those were such amazing years. It can never be again. More babies wont bring him back as a baby. I think it's okay to remember and grieve the loss - even though it seems a weird thing to do. You are grieving the loss of what your son once was. In time, as you work your program, you may see that all the amazing experiences you get to have in the rooms, (making friends, learning to share, learning to be happy, learning to take care of yourself, learning to love yourself, building self esteem, building self worth, building a relationship with you HP etc etc etc) can make you grateful for the experiences - if you let them. Doesn't diminish how bad it sucks to come into contact with alcoholism and addiction, but if we use the serenity prayer to change the things we can (our attitude - our thought process) we can chose to focus on all the good that has come from this dreadful disease entering our lives.
As a person who has lived every day of her life with this disease - born into an alcoholic home - being an alcoholic - and now in recovery and still around alcoholics all the time - father who is still active: I have no choice but to look for the good - the other "pile" is everything that I've ever known.
Today, I am grateful for all of it. I know people hate to hear that, but I just don't believe I could have ever had the true relationship with a HP, the depth of soul, the gratitude for life, the empathy or healthy deep unconditional love for people - that I get to have as a result of desperation in life.
I don't know that I've ever met anyone really soulful and deep - who has not had some deep pain they've overcome. Seems my best friends these days have either overcome cancer, or addiction, or some sort of trauma and pain - and today - are actually better for it. I will pray for you and your son - that you both find the NEW freedom - and the NEW happiness that the 12 steps of recovery offer, and ease with the grieving of the old.
With love -
Tasha
