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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Please forgive me I blew it BIG Time!!!!
Post Info TOPIC: Please forgive me I blew it BIG Time!!!!
Debilyn


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Please forgive me I blew it BIG Time!!!!
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I am horribly embarrassed, made a huge mistake. I have NO excuse and accept any hard feelings. ugh

This grieving has made me insane. It had to stop. Not sure what made HP bring this but boy did I learn from it.

You guys were WONDERFUL. I learned as usual from you all.It all still fits as the guy has really goofed as far as our relationship.

So in saying that. I got the ring out again and got it fixed. Realized I was wrong. I ASS U MED it was junk becuz he just thru it in an envelope in the box of pics and stuff he sent back to me. the box was mashed.

I mean if I send him a present I wrap it like crazy.

Men?

Anyway don't hate me please. In my being a Bi*** from all this grieving, pain, loss, loneliness, missing him ugh, I saw something wrong. Now I believe saw I was so down and stepped right in to help me be miserable and blind. rrrr RRRR.

Got it fixed it is sooo pretty, not junk at all. Just a stupid wrapping job. The necklace is very pretty too, again not junk. Please smack me around.

Ok I learned so much from you guys. I still feel he blew it and is in a co dependants dream, and treated me wrong.

But I was made to hit bottom and needed it. HP needed me to see i was out of control. not being very nice or true to myself.

Soooo forgive me!

I worked outside, felt some happy today, feel like I forgave myself almost. sent him an apology for my thoughts, thanked him told him if it turns my finger green, I am hanging him by his thumbs. Its ok.

I am where I am ok to be now. Just gotta heal and go on.  thank you for putting up with me you guys .Now you seen why my Mother said I was a pain.....(c:



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Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
grateful2be


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Debilyn: I, for one, am not about to slap you around. You are fragile right now as I see it. What I am going to say to you, sister, is that I care about you. I am here to support you whether you feel up, down, happy, unhappy as best as I can. I am glad that both the necklace and the ring now look different than they did to you at first. I couldn't believe that as insightful as you appear to be on the board that you could be totally wrong about a friendship you have cherished for so long. It doesn't mean that friendship can be what you'd like it to be - that's always for those of us in recovery to let our HP determine (or at least that's what I have learned) - but it also doesn't mean that you haven't been the recipient of some really golden times of growth and generosity of heart on both your parts.

Yes, you do have to heal and go on, because that is the type of person that you are. Maybe your Mom said you were a pain, but I say you are a beautiful and loving soul who has insecurities and rough edges just like the rest of us - and all of that together makes you an interesting and one of a kind woman that I'm glad to know. (((DL)))

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"Darkness is full of possibility." Leunig
New_Day


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I don't see it that you blew it, you responded maybe with emotions high intially and my your perception at that moment was a little different and after time to absorb & reflect, with emotions more steady, not so high your just seeing things a bit different. We all see thing "different in the morning" sometimes and there is nothing wrong with that... Your a good judge of character I believe also, I don't think someone would be able to run a long term charade on ya. Hang in there !!

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Sweet Stanley


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Debilyn - I'm sending you a BIG hug today....  There is nothing to forgive as far as I am concerned.  We all use this place to vent and learn.  Emotions are hard to control when expectations are high and they don't work out the way we hope. I still struggle with this in just about every aspect of my life.... So, today you just pull up your big girl panties and carry on. biggrin  It is a NEW day....  

 



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Sweet Stanley
Mattie


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I don't think you "blew it" either.  But I remember being in that state in which if a guy did A or instead B, it meant I was either at the bottom of a dark pit or up in the clouds.  That was a bad place to be in, so vulnerable to someone else's emotional health.  If he was human and imperfect (which he was), it meant I was often sad; if he was dysfunctional and essentially unavailable (which he was), it meant I was often miserable and crying, and was nearly always anxious.  It also meant there wasn't the open space for someone healthier to come into my life.  Please take good care of yourself.



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pinkchip


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What mattie said...

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Debilyn


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thanks yous!!!! um I don't wear  underwear...well its not comfy and I don't do not comfy! lol though i love stretchy sorta baggy boxers..hehe. I look for ones with  neat things on them like turtles and flamingos!

I am actually happy. Was a great day of working on my place and messing with animals. My horse Glory is so soft and pretty. soon she will be all furry for winter. I gotta get her a winter blanket! with a hood of course!

Wonder if Augie would keep one on???

Yea hp works in interesting ways. I guess bottom is bottom and oh it feels good to come back up! Finding homes for  the puppies, boarders go home tomorrow. AND someone is very interested in renting/boarding her four horses and pet pigs next door!! My old no longer liveable mobile area. Few hundred amonth! I need to get my Basset Tavishs teeth clean asap. the money would take care of some needed things like new glasses for me.

Wow feeling so awful makes feeling better so nice. Would I want to fall in love again? nope. but still am very much in love with him. but its ok. there was a tremendous amount of good in him too.

I appreciate going thru it. but man oh man it hurts and I am sure will hit me again when I see people holding hands and loving movies...now back to 4400 on net flix!

hugz

 

 

 



__________________

Putting HP first, always  <(*@*)>

"It's not so much being loved for ourselves, but more for being loved in spite of ourselves."

       http://www.al-anon.alateen.org/meetings/meeting.html            Or call: 1-888-4alanon
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Miracles In Progress 12 Step Recovery Forums -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Al-Anon Family Group -> Please forgive me I blew it BIG Time!!!!