Everyone on here has something to add. I appreciate all of you that comment on my posts. I try to put my two cents in every once in a while. I feel compelled to say something even if it is just a short diddy of some kind. I am just being honest & try to be comical once in a while because life can get too serious. But, we are very serious people living w/ a very serious disease. I for one, know that most of you if not all, need to laugh sometimes. I wouldn't stay sane if I wasn't part of the laughing academy once in a while. My mom is in a place where sometimes all you can do is laugh to get through the days. I have been in places like she is right now. I have not always been there by choice. I feel like there have been times where I feel almost institutionalized. It is scary but it does happen. I hope my mom gets out & really lives this time. I mean I feel like she needs to take a load off every now & then. Today she left a voice message on my cell phone saying how nice it is outside & how warm & how the sun is shining. They must be letting her outside because she was locked in for about a month w/ little or no sunshine. I never will be able to fully understand how she felt in her situation but I know it had to have been hard.

Back to you posters, I think the world of you! You are the most up-front people I know & you tell it like it is not pulling any punches. I need the honesty of the program daily. I wouldn't be able to be so honest myself if I didn't have to really face life on life's terms. I have been stricken w/ the dishonesty bug for many years. I sometimes lie when the truth will do. I learned to hold back info from my step-mom mostly. She taught me how to hold back things by doing it w/ my dad. Sometimes I feel that I lie to my AH because I am afraid of the consequences & feel like I am walking on egg shells. Don't get me wrong I lie sometimes but usually end up getting back to the truth. I don't lie on here because I feel safe. You are all innocent bystanders in my life. I mean does that make sense? You are so meaningful & precious to me. I hope that you will all find what I have found in this program. Peace of mind comes after working the steps I think. And, the spiritual awakening that I have experienced is evident when I work the 12th step. Working w/ others is a vital part of our fellowship growing & maturing. I am a testament to the fact that even though I have slipped, there are always people there to come back to. I am blessed to have been in the program for a long time & know that you will always be there if I choose to leave & return. I don't plan on it, but sometimes I have to learn the hard way. It seems like we all have moments where we don't know why we do the things we do, we just do them. It is almost like we go through the motions. Well...I am speaking for myself actually not all that attend Al anon or end up posting or reading on this site.

Today I felt like posting a long one since I have a lot of time. I don't always have extra time on here. I am blessed w/ a library that stays open until 7 on Thursdays. I am so happy to be able to share my thoughts & my ESH. Some day I hope to share my story as a speaker in a speaker meeting setting. What do you all think? Should I go for it? I know that if I am asked I won't say no. I hope I don't ease God out & make it all about me. EGO! ease God OUT!

I love to ramble sometimes as you can see. I feel like I have a captive audience here. I enjoy the time that I spend just being me & I hope you will accept me as I am flaws & all. Forgive me if I fail.

Kathleen