The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Hi, Raven. It took me awhile years ago to admit that I had a problem - not just him - too. I can remember sitting in the Al-Anon rooms thinking why am I here when its him who does drugs? When I could finally admit that I had issues, too, the truly recovery began. Al-Anon helps us learn to focus on us and not on the other person. So glad you're willing to join with us as we grow one day at a time.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 16th of September 2013 01:49:54 PM
-- Edited by grateful2be on Monday 16th of September 2013 01:50:17 PM
My name is Raven and I'm an addict. I'm addicted to my Alcoholic/Addict Boyfriend. I live in fear and denial of his and my problems. I started thinking that I didn't need 12 steps, because I wasn't the one with the problem. When ABF stopped drinking earlier this year I thought maybe "we" could possibly be "different" from countless others struggling with various addictions. I believed ABF when he said he didn't need a support group, didn't need a sponsor, because he'd stopped drinking all by himself. I foolishly believed his hype. Several months later, he's been through 2 decent jobs and still thinks that I'm the one with the problem. He's right because I do have a problem, in more ways than one.
Cutting to the chase, I've finally hit rock bottom this month. My mind had been doing a wonderful job of keeping me in a constant state of denial. However, my body finally caved in from the stress of the past two years. I've had some health events that have thankfully brought me back to reality, and I think that I will be back at a meeting tonight.
I have completely been where you are at; at one point I felt so crazy I thought I would need
to go to a mental institution because this man I loved was wrecking our entire future by his drug addiction and why couldn't he just see what he was doing and stop ruining both our lives?! When I came to the program, I learned that this is a disease and it infects everyone who comes into contact with it, including the loved ones of the person drinking/using.
Yep, I didn't have a problem either and I had the degree, job and financial security to prove it! I crack me up when I think of those days. I was a high functioning nut. Glad you are here with us!
Raven-hi-I spent years, maybe 15, thinking I could change my A. After all, I was the healthy one right? Wrong. The years of trying to change my A made me so sick, so obsessed, so depressed, so hopeless, that I didn't think I would ever be OK again. I was going around in circles and how life would be fine if the A just got it together. Then I got my pride in check and started first with this message board, and now F2F meetings, and readings, and a sponsor, and alanon contacts, and this all may sounds like a cliche, but I am slowly getting myself together! I can see improvement even though I still have work to do. Probably always will. So just give alanon a try. Do it for you! Best, Lyne
Oh yeah, I was right there too, thinking it was all his problem...I was smart, accomplished, responsible, a respected professional. HE was the one that was all messed up. That was me one year ago. Now I see how my choices, my reactions, and my addiction to him got me here. Thank God I found alanon.
Hi Paris! Nice to see you again;) Ahhh, what will I do without my ABF? If I lose him, I won't need to run on here crying about the injustice of it all...I'll be so relaxed in a bubble bath with a cup of tea, that I'll forget about my past misery and angst, coming home from work to a dirty house and kitchen with food spilled everywhere, lids off of everything, and the droopy-eyed, slurred, "hey baby, how was your day?" "ooh wee you look soooo pretty tonight!"(that's only when he wants more beer or cigarettes), walking around with his pants falling off, passing out on the sofa with his rump hanging out of his pants for my son and his friends to see (thankfully my son's over 18), spilt beer everywhere, especially on the computer... Wow, what would I do if my life suddenly didn't have the 100 or so crises everyday?
Excuse the sarcasm, guys, lol, but I had read ilovedogs post on "I'm back, looking for perspective," and in responding to the post and responses, I realized suddenly that yes, I'm an addict too. I'm addicted to this struggle and misery of living with and loving an A, because I'm putting up with stuff that would have been unimaginable to me years ago. And I don't really even understand how I got here, but I do know that something is broken inside me that I need to find and fix. I accept that I am a "fixer" by nature, but I can't seem to fix myself. I can sure whine about it, complain about it, but when it comes time to get up and do something about it, there I am, cycling again. So going to an AlAnon meeting tonight is my goal. Just one step at a time, oh, I know some of these slogans too well, but now it's time to make them work for me.
Lots of love!
You can't fix yourself because you're not broken. You just got buried somewhere underneath reactions to the disease. Glad you're going to get back into Al-Anon to bring your beautiful self right out of the hole the disease pushed it in. Down but not out. Buried but not forever. Ready, set, go step by step, slogan by slogan, meeting by meeting, and hopefully a good sponsor, too.
I too am with an alcoholic who went to rehab in 2010 and I had high hopes. He said he did not need meetings or a sponsor. He is not working and drinking heavily. He lost his house last year. If I ask him to leave he has no where to go. I feel like an idiot. I really love the guy but don't want to live like this. Help, desperate
I too am with an alcoholic who went to rehab in 2010 and I had high hopes. He said he did not need meetings or a sponsor. He is not working and drinking heavily. He lost his house last year. If I ask him to leave he has no where to go. I feel like an idiot. I really love the guy but don't want to live like this. Help, desperate