The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Kids are off on their social stuff for the weekend .. daughter is excited she has a homecoming dance coming up in Oct. An event apparently that is focused and obsessed upon by all teens now instead of more like a week before it happens .. ROFL. My boy is off having a field day with a friend of his. He got to play tennis all night last night .. LOL! I was left to my own devices which is never a good thing .. lol. I spent the evening in Starbucks talking on the phone and cutting up. OMGosh I have forgotten what it was like not to have kids to be responsible for 24/7. I could breathe, .. that was nice. I wish the girlfriend I was talking to was in my area .. sigh .. she is a nutter and in ALL of the years we have spoken we never run out of things to talk about. I am blessed I'm so hoping that sometime we can take a girls vacation together that would be beyond a party!!!
We are getting ready for a delivery of some things over the next week soooo excited!! So that means though I have to get the house completely in order, carpets cleaned and so on. BIG changes at the house soo excited is putting it mildly. My house is looking like a home .. it feels very good.
I'm trying to be in the present and focus on what the therapist is working with me on. He was really neat and I really enjoyed what he had to say and threw out some things that I get in terms of radical acceptance and I got a different version of the serenity prayer .. it is really awesome and I'm suppose to practice it the only part that is different is the bottom. I like how he talks and I really relate plus it is all things serious .. I know .. I mean I really know .. between years of therapy and now a few years of alanon behind me .. I get so much more out of this. We start EMDR this next week. I'm very excited about that process. Ironically we are starting that the day of STBAX's mediation meeting .. I guess I will find out if he will follow through on the mediation. I don't see how he can .. stranger things have happened .. if he cancels again it's going to be a big mess and he doesn't get that I really don't want him. What is being said around town has more validity to it than I am aware .. it's not that he loves the kids and I .. it's that he wants me to fix all of his mess .. I don't want to. Sure .. let me fix your tickets, hospital bills, and so on .. sorry ain't gonna happen this time around. It's hard not to have my mind go to those places because it just is hard .. so I'm just acknowledging the thought and moving on with me day. The situation is still there and it is real .. mediation is going to happen or not happen .. there is nothing I can do about it. I just have to hurry up and wait for Wednesday. It means going to court or not going to court .. I just can't see his atty believing that this is a good idea. In fact his atty will be PISSED if he doesn't show up as that means I'm pressing the OP, I've had that discussion already.
No communication with the kids 10 weeks .. that is something. How awkward is that going to be when he actually see them? I am concerned for them .. him .. not so much get drunk just don't get drunk while they are with him. Plus bring money because I've been doing this on my own for all this time and raising kids isn't cheap!!!
Anyway, .. I feel pretty good and it's time for me to get going on what I need to get done :)
Hugs, hope everyone has a wonderful weekend and makes the most and best of it all, P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
It was a great weekend, we went and played at a sports store that is out of town. I did explain to the kids this is the last big deal I can do for a while .. I just don't know how long a while is at this point. I had to laugh .. the kids were cracking me up. My son is really struggling with how to deal with disappointments at the moment. He misses his dad and his sister wants nothing to do with her dad. I don't know how to help him (or her) .. disappointment sucks .. pretty much I told him he can throw his whole day out the window or choose to think about the fun he had which trust me was a lot .. LOL. I also told him he's going to have to do better with the guilt trips .. I've taken that train way to much in my life I already know what is at the end of that destination. I choose not to take that trip. Plus the other trains before were much fancier than the ones he was throwing down .. come on .. give me a first class trip at least. :) The evening ended by us watching a movie, a tooth popping out and just hanging out and having a good time. Everyone had a good day.
I at least got the lawn mowed and it rained so I'm sure I will have to mow again. I'm trying to find a way to get rid of some of the marital stuff and give it to the STBAX .. it's just taking up room at this point. I'm not his storage locker. I'm bbqing tonight so that will be nice. Next weekend won't be so crazy .. we wound up with a sleep over, and two separate trips to the mall and another sleep over things got a little wild .. lol. Then a drive to a bigger city. It was really nice.
I'm struggling to deal with a woman that I work with at the moment. I really feel sorry for her because it's very obvious that she is in a lot of pain and a very unhappy person. I wonder if the God of my understanding placed her in my life to remind me what I could become if I get lazy in my program and stop working on me. I get it. LOL .. move along now nothing to see here. It's funny because BF's post about hurt people .. hurt people struck a cord for me and it gave me a good reminder we all carry our own pain and it comes out in different ways. I also know that unacceptable behavior needs to be addressed and it's a very small office so when this one person acts out it puts everyone in a weird place and the fact that no one says anything just blows my mind. One of the lessons I believe I'm suppose to be learning is saying that is not ok and doing it in a way that is not mean or hurtful. Friday was challenging .. LOL .. I did fairly good considering how I normally would have reacted .. I chose to not respond and kept my peace to myself. Other people def noticed and were not happy about the situation and I have a feeling that this is going to be addressed in an interesting way. Anyway, just for today I can work for 4 hours and have a good attitude no matter what. It helps pay the rent and that's all I need to focus on.
It's a temporary job and I know this .. the comments I hear are .. so P what are you going to do (this is in Jan) when J comes back you won't have a job. LOL .. oookkkk .. my response was .. well I trust that whatever happens God will be in control and something else will be lined up and the kids and I will be ok. I don't have to worry about this today .. today I have a job. I am keeping my options open.
She really is something to say the least, .. it's not my issue and she's older than I am and from the sounds of things has had some tough lessons given to her.
Anyway, it's been a good weekend and I'm looking forward to the next adventure.
Hugs P :)
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Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
