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Well it seems now that I have flung open the door, I'm kicking a few asses out of it. People that are not worthy of my friendship, or time. I thought I was friends with a couple of women, but the more I got to know them, I realized they were awful mean spirited, gossiping, back stabbing, b***. I go to a gym several times a week where they always are. I now get great pleasure out of staying as far away from them as possible. I now feel I have risen above their level. They would bring me down, and I will not allow people to do that. I have a new found idea that people need to treat me in a way that makes me feel right, and if they do not, I will not deal with them.
-- Edited by hotrod on Friday 13th of September 2013 10:44:41 PM
I hear ya, I live in a 55 and over complex and all the women gather around the table, "we call them "The View" and they gossip about everybody and everything. I stay as far away as possible.
Just this year I ran into people who are suppose to be family, not my immediate family but a cousin and sister in law who I can tell do not validate anything I have to say or do, you can tell when people are your adverseries, so I keep my distance from people who are not in my corner and pretend to be my friend.
I'm not mean or nice to them, people don't always will agree with you but when its overt contrariness, I detach and act neutral.
Make some new good friends Island. You can start with us here in Alanon.
We look out for eachother. Hugs, Bettina
-- Edited by Bettina on Friday 13th of September 2013 10:15:23 PM
I now get great pleasure out of staying as far away from them as possible. I now feel I have risen above their level. They would bring me down, and I will not allow people to do that. I have a new found idea that people need to treat me in a way that makes me feel right, and if they do not, I will not deal with them.
There is this gal at my friday job....she does not like me b/c I long time ago unfriended her on facebook simply b/c I had accepted her thinking it was someone ELSE...not her...whom I dont even like, but anyway, when she called me out on it I just said that I never facebook w/co-workers b/c I dont' want them in my business and I want to separate my business life from my personal life.....I have seen people be "friends" on the job, only to have stuff used against them later...so I keep my niceties and my smiles, but I also keep my distance
anyway, she is out and out RUDE to me....I just smile at her and say "good morning" when I walk in to work, always on time and she is always late.....I am very polite, nice, smiles with her, just kill her with kindness b/c it chafes her terribly....one time she got really nasty to me in front of a CUSTOMER and the customer stuck up for ME , hahahaha...I nearly dropped dead when he jumped her butt over being so rude to me....and then I say to her "oh P I am soo sorry you are having another bad day, I will send you smiles and happy thoughts" and shes gnashing her teeth...customer was a young man, cute as heck and really offended at her nastiness to me...I loved it when he put her in her place,
but yea, if I gotta work with them and have no choice but to deal with them, then I am just real nice...real polite...real professional...I do what is right but NEVER share anything personal with them......say good morning...wish them a good weekend, or when they get nasty, just say "oh I hope your day gets better" with this big grin on my face...what can she do???? NOTHING....she has to "take it" b/c the big boss, the dad....loves me...I am his pet b/c I do a great job there, I am punctual, and I do a lot of personal stuff for the dad (big boss) and he really likes me.....so shes being crappy and I am just smiling at her and killing her with kindness...and there is nothing she can do but take it and deal with it....
I learned a long time ago that trading nasty for nasty feeds their negativity....but if I kill em with kindness, they can't stand it.....i LOVE it.....
today when I was leaving, I said "have a nice weekend , P" and everyone notices that she is a jerk and I am nice and she just puts herself down by trying to put me down.....she cannot find fault with my work or my attendence....And certainly I show up for work sober.........one saturday, she actually was still drunk when she showed up for work, after her b-day party...bosses said "one more time and your gone" so she hasn't messed up with that, but I just look at the source and I wasn't surprised when I found that out....she thought it was funny.....I did not...
anyway, yea, if I can kick em to the curb, I used to think I had to blast the heck out of them first, but now?? I can quietly do my exit..not return calls, unfriend on facebook, not reply to emails...."poof" and I am gone...I don't need an explain, if a person is toxic?? I am walking away..
but at work, I am stuck w/this "article" so I make the best of it by just making her look like the witch that she is and leave it at that..........karma is accurate.....she will dig her own hole someday.....
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
A vote in favor of what you want for you and carrying the action out ends up being a continuous series of votes in favor of you and carrying the actions out. Keep on voting in favor of you!
One more thing I would like to add.....i used to think "oh this is recovery board or room or group" and so EVERYONE is gonna like me and I am gonna like them......NOT so....We are all personalities and we are gonna find folks we reeeely like and some that we aint so crazy about...we may not respond to them or maybe we "click" for a while, then move on b/c the lesson is over with.......
So in recovery its similar to the "out there world" in that we are all folks w/differing likes, attitudes, thoughts, emotions, etc....even tho we are all shooting for being better...feeling better....being more healthy......progressing in the steps, et al, oh yea, we are all "alanon homies" all striving to work our program as best as we can, but I don't take it personally anymore if a body does not respond to me on the board, I just figure, "oh well I am here for me and yes, do my step 12, but my recovery is for ME".
That said, the fact still remains.....I LOVE the SPIRIT of the group......I may not agree or relate to everyone on here, but I LOVE the common Tradition one, UNITY of the group...I think trad #1 speaks of unity
so , yea.....I have connected to some here, and they me...that is just the way it worked out.....will they be friends for a reason, or a season, or a lifetime??? who knows, but bc I am trying to focus more on the being in the now mind set, its OK......
when I post here, I do it bc I had something I thought of...something i thought would be a salient point re: recovery and I always invite folks to take what they like about me and my posts and DUMP the rest....
its all "OK" dealing with folks from different walks of life, different parts of the country and even out of the country is amazing that we all over the globe can come here and post and share and learn from each other.....
I came here to recover....yes, its great to have connected w/the souls that I did, but my main theme is recovery and the components which are its foundation...
I hope this post made sense....I can't sleep so I am on the board....tired but not sleepy if ya know what I mean...
please take what works and dumpster the rest.....
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Sounds like your Co worker is a drinker and has a problem with herself...
Yep, I agree......thank god it isn't my problem.....if the bosses want to keep her , its not my business...i am grateful my desk is on op. side of the building from hers....she is at front desk and I am in the back.....makes it easy for me to minimize contact w/her.....
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Sounds like your Co worker is a drinker and has a problem with herself...
Also , she is in your work environment and you have to stay professional, but I bet you wouldn't choose her as a friend if she wasn't.
-- Edited by Bettina on Friday 13th of September 2013 11:30:56 PM
yep...I keep it totally professional...that way she can't use anything against me...I don't really "share" with any of them, much, really, when I come to any job, I check my personal life at the door...even the big boss, we share our love for horses and the thoroughbred racing, we are both fans and yea, I "chit chat" a bit w/him about the horses and maybe a few other things , but I keep it cool b/c he is my boss......
as to her??? i tolerate her w/politeness and kindness in the course of doing my job but NEVER would I consider a friendship, even if we were not working together....It is nice to know I have CHOICE :)
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
When I was so stuck under all of this, with my AH, I guess I let these kinds of people push me down further. Not any more. And I too have no need to tell them off or make a scene, I just get away. Women can be especially awful seems like...... There was a man at the gym also, that I had put up with his inappropriate comments, and flirting for a couple of years. I just blew him off, but he would always be back with a little something else. So not too long ago he finally went too far. He said I would look good climbing up a stripper pole !!!!! Seriously!!!! I didn't dive into him right away, I thought about it over the weekend, and on Mon. I went to him and gave him a piece of my mind. And have stayed far away from him since.
Oh ..and true to form , my AH, who also goes to the gym, over heard me talking to him, and after hearing the whole story, took his side. He NEVER has my back. I take care of my own self. (OK there for a while I wasn't either). But now I AM!!!
I am also of the "keep work relationships strictly about work". It helps me define the different parts of my life-the work me, the me me, etc. I also find if you don't leave work at work, you then bring the workday stresses home with you. Not good (in my opinion).
