The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
Well my son has now been in rehab for 4 months and 1 day. He completes his 6 months of sobriety by choice in November. I still am not exactly where I want to be in my recovery. His Sponser has been working with me on the letting go letting god. As his pastor would say "your son needs to man up" face the trials and tribulations sober now and don't stand in his way.. I get the meaning behind FEAR"False Eveidence Appearing Real".. Projection has been my worst enemy. I'm trying so hard to not think about how the past use to be. But can some one advise me on where I go from here?
Do you have a sponsor of your own? I know for me it was important to have a ongoing consistent relationship with a sponsor of my own.
You're right - worrying about the future doesn't help you right now. Right now is all you have, so if you can pull yourself into the present moment and enjoy it, life's going to feel a lot better.
Something that helped me one time was to come up with a list of things I like and things I like to do. I have that to pull upon if I'm feeling down at all or find I'm stressing about stuff that's not under my control. It's basically changing my focus to something else, preferably something I enjoy.
Same for me. A sponsor of my own and 2 to 3 meetings a week, plus telephone calls in between to fellowship members helped me work my own program and take better care of myself. It helped a lot to have somebody there just for me in the Al-Anon program.
Your son is in rehab, thats great ....... I remember my own sons rehab case worker gently, but firmly, reminding me that it was his journey not mine.
I agree with the others, get your own support network in place, keep your own recovery top priority.
Just as the A is lost to us in their disease when they are active, after rehab they may return to us physically but they remain lost to us emotionally in their tentative steps into active recovery, and this is how it needs to be.. a lightning bolt doesn't strike and all of a sudden they are 'cured' and everything is back to 'normal'..they are never cured, they need to focus on themselves, cling close to their AA support and rebuild their lives without us laying our expectations all over them. Alcohol is a mind altering and mind numbing chemical and I can't begin to think how terrifying it must be to step back into reality having been out of it for so long.
We have worked on loving detachment from the drinking and we can apply this to their recovery. The rewards will come, day at a time
For me, the best way to not think about the past is to stay in the moment. It takes practice, practice, practice and working with an Alanon sponsor. Because having a loved one with this disease becomes much too much for us to handle on our own, Alanon gives us the support and skills that help best navigate towards healthy choices and having serenity even in the midst of chaos. I have come to believe that the best opportunities appear when each is able to work their own program. My "litmus test" is how I answer, "where is my focus?" If the answer is not "me", then I reach out to an Alanon member to help me get back on track.
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