The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
For the last 2 years, I have been shut down, lights out, nobodys home...... to the point of hardly speaking a word to my AH, not looking at him, and in general acting like he didn't exist. This was not something I was doing on purpose, It just happened. When I did talk, it was sharp and mean, and critical.I had hurt, hate and anger bottled up. I was so mad at myself for staying with him all these years. He turned me into this awful shell of a person. I was not like that when I was around other people. But I did notice that some of my personality was gone there also. He wants to turn our problems on me, saying if I would just be nice, and not want to talk so much LOL!!!! My God I haven't talked hardly at all in 2 years.. But since I got on here, I am feeling much better. I told him I am done living like this. We are talking divorce. He cannot see any problem that his drinking has caused. I might as well been living with a fence post. I got nothing from him....... Are they all emotionally unavailable?? He can talk his arm off to some guy about sports, but has nothing to say to me.
Went to my first meeting Sun night. Should have gone years ago. It was good.
Right on Island time!! Hope you make the program priority for now and put the other urges on the back fire. One thing I learned in recovery which was true was that alot of the complaint I had about who my alcoholic/addict wife was...I taught her. I needed to be in the program full time to see and understand my part in it that was coming back at me. If I stood in her shoes how would I respond to what I was doing? She had a disease; so did I...you don't get normal and loving from something like that. Keep coming back let the divorce go for now (just a suggestion) cause as you change so do your responses to your life. ((((hugs))))
Welcome back and if you keep coming back, you will get your life back.
My sponsor use to tell me , its like talking to a ketchup bottle. I think its because we cannot compete with the high that Alcohol brings. They are addicted to the adrenline. Anyway, we are powerless over the alcohol and their behaviors. But we are not powerless over our lives.
Glad you took that first step, it took courage on your part. Here you will find Hope and the courage to change.
Keep attending the meetings and you can come here and unload and talk anytime.
Keep working it, because it works if you work it.
Hugs,
Bettina
I got nothing from him....... Are they all emotionally unavailable?? He can talk his arm off to some guy about sports, but has nothing to say to me.
Went to my first meeting Sun night. Should have gone years ago. It was good.
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they are all emotionally unavailable to me b/c the bottle or drug comes first and foremost.....he is good to his friends, but they don't LIVE with him...they only see him part time...so he can be "ok" with his buddies, but his intimate partner?? NOPE....unavailable, emotionally, spiritually and lots of times sexually, I mean the bottle can wipe out the entire "harddrive" of the marriage intimacy and friendship
Glad u went to a meet....NOW...its time to work the program.....meets....steps hopefully w/a sponsor to guide..........slogan practice ( I call them the program proverbs)....literature.....and let him go , at least in your head, as to stay??? go??? I never advise...I just give my ESH, what I would do and ask you to take what works and dumpster the rest......PEACE be onto you
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
You're in the right place- living with an addict is much too much for us to handle alone.
When I first came to Alanon I was told to give the program at least 6 months before making any major decisions. It takes time to learn how to apply the steps and principles, which is a really wonderful toolbox of new skills that helps gain a healthier life balance. I have found that working with a sponsor brings the greatest progress.
"For the last 2 years, I have been shut down, lights out, nobodys home...... to the point of hardly speaking a word to my AH, not looking at him, and in general acting like he didn't exist. This was not something I was doing on purpose, It just happened. When I did talk, it was sharp and mean, and critical.I had hurt, hate and anger bottled up."
When I was fueled by anger, fear, hurt, etc. I too shut down... and stayed there, until it got so uncomfortable for me that it was no longer a justified, deserved place to inflict myself or others with. In short, I got sick and tired of being sick and tired. Thats when I moved into recovery with a higher level of determination to do something about ME.
John
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" And what did we gain? A new life, with purpose, meaning and constant progress, and all the contentment and fulfillment that comes from such growth."
