I had a huge relization yesterday about why I alllow alcoholics and their abusive behaviors into my life. As some of you know I had just left my extremely abusive alcoholic BF that is no in jail for abusing me. I allow abuse as I abuse myself-mentally, physically, emotionally, spiritually. I can name a number of ways I abuse myself-like not being good to myself, being hard on myself, letting negative self talk control me, not eating properly, not praying, pushing myself to exhaustion and the list goes on..Because I abuse myself, I have this belief that its ok for other to abuse me as I am use to it. 

To change this cycle, I need to start being good to me, and me only and do what will make me feel good and proud of myself. I had a thought as well, I do not need your abuse added onto me as I already abuse myself bad enough and I do not need more. I believe I had been abusing myself all my life and that is why I attract sick alcoholic men into my life, who have nothing to offer but misery, pain, and heartache. I am at this point of my life, where I have given up on finding lasting love with a man that will treat me well. I am happy in fact being alone and that is ok for today. 

I do not feel the need to be with a man to make me feel complete anymore. I was desperate before, but now I do not care if I ever get involved with another relationship again. I am happy with me today. I believe I gave up on love, for today, as it nearly killed me. I stayed in an alcoholic relationship with this sick man for love and he nearly killed me, death theats and severe assualts. Is love worth it? Today I say no! I need to keep working on loving myself and that is a full time job!