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Closure.....hmnnn? That word has an air of finality, a line drawn under things I don't believe thats a realistic scenario. My feeling, at this moment in time, is that rather than things being 'closed' I look on it more as things being re-framed. I can choose how I want this picture to look and how it hangs in my mind..if I dont like what I see then I can work to change it, to take me to a level of what I look on not as closure but 'peaceful acceptance'
Closure will only occur when I too shuffle off this mortal coil!
Thanks for making me look at the picture this morning it's still a bit off centre but, just for today, I am looking at it with peaceful acceptance........ it is what it is.
Love
Nessxx
-- Edited by Ness on Monday 9th of September 2013 04:05:50 AM
I don't believe there is closure, I believe we reach different peaks and lows in response to death. I don't think you can close off memories, and something miraculous happens when the person that dies also brought you bad memories, they fade and the good memories are the ones you remember and you eventually come to acceptance. Its so surprising that the people that come into our lives and leave a significant impact , still make us work things out, its like they never die. Then one day you leave them to the Universe and wish them well onto their journey and let them go, but they still remain in your heart.
What is closure, what does it really mean to us, is there ever really closure when a loved one dies? In support and respect....oldergal
VERY good ???.......to me "closure" means kinda taking care of unfinished busines....it comes from within...I had a lovely talk w/my cousin last night..She gave me the wonderful news she is coming to visit end of month and we are gonna have a fun get together...
I told her about I was back in program, working hard, and feeling more at peace w/my self, more calm, more in my body, I was feeling my feelngs more and also even able to stay in my body and pay attention better
She was delighted...We spoke of her uncle, my sire...I told her that "no I won't ever completely recover or get over what he did to me , BUT I can and have told my HP I am WILLING to work that step 6, 7 over it and make amends w/me and my HP whom I blamed for soo many years....
I notice, of this past few days, I am calmer, more comfortable in my body, more mindful, more at peace with ME...more paying attention, more interested in taking care of me no matter what I have to do or give up to get better....to take back whats left of my life....and make it good....
My cousin and I had a great talk and I told her that out of recovery, I really don't want to talk about him or the incident anymore....Like I was ready to move on...To live as best as I can even at this age, there is hope..Hope I can draw good to me..Hope I can have some of my dreams come true....
I think closure is coming to terms with ones losses...making my peace with myself and what happened....I don't have to like it or agree with it, but I have come to the place where "OK, this is hat happend...I am not ever going to give me back my past, lost years, but I CAN give me a better tomorrow"
and that is where I am...yes, I will have my bad days, the sadness will come over me in waves as it does but it does not knock me into the ground...I may even tear up some or even cry, if I feel the neeed, I will, then I can put it back on the shelf and it will stay, hopefully for longer intervals...
Closure for me is to make my peace with me..what happend to me....make my peace that most of my family just were not good people, not capable of being better then what they were and to Thank HP, I am not that way...I have left them behind and I wish them well, but never aroudn me
I shared this all with my cousin and she said she was in the same place....She has me, her 3 out of 4 children (her son abused her like my D#2 did and she, too, had to give him over to his HP to keep her serenity) and she has some good girlfriends and she said that what I said is what she craves....
We will work some program when she gets here.....
So that is closure for Me.....I hope it made some sense.....
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
For me closure means I have finally accepted the relationship for what it was. I no longer believe I must explore events, resolve anger, or resentments or understand the why of events . I still have the person in my heart and can connect with memories but the pain, and sadness is no longer there. The good memories can still bring warm feelings
I'm also an Acceptance is the solution to all of my problems person. I have worked that a long time and it has worked the best and the longest with me in return. Acceptance of the fact of the person, place, event or thing and once I have done that I am in peace and balance...serenity. There are no rules, no shoulds about how I should respond to life...it's all choice. ((((hugs)))) I like this post.
Sometimes you have closure before the person passes away. For me I had 7 years that my mother would not speak to me. When she got Lung cancer I went and did what I could to care for her. We had some good talks and we both listened and got things worked out. It was a living amends. I had time to accept that she was dying and had time to forgive. When she passed I was able to have that closure in a very short time. Right now I am dealing with many illnesses my husband has...diabetes, parkinsons, bi-polar, PTSD, etc. I have been married to him 45 years. If he Dies I know I will miss him, but we have had time to talk about things and make arrangements for things. I will be OK. I know I will. Of course, we never know. He may outlive me.
For me closure is being able to say good bye and have loose ends tied up. It is accepting that this relationship is no longer in my life.
I think closure is acceptance. Closure can happen with a person when it's a relationshp ending or a death (when you are there for them and say what is on your mind before they pass) or it can be with your HP when it's a lesson you needed to learn.
The concept derives from Gestalt Psychology which argues that we strive to completeness and if things are left undone, then it lingers as "unfinished business" within our psyche. If you want to learn more from the psychological standpoint, I would google "closure and gestalt psychology." because that is where it stemmed from.
For me closure is process of a satisfactory acceptance of an ending, or accepting things as they are.
Grief (along with other things) can complicate the process, but can also compartmentalize into healing after closure. There can be so many layers to grief that could confuse our thoughts regarding closure. I have found it helpful to allow the unfolding of grief rather than to fight it. Identifying something positive gained from the experience helps.
I find myself often returning and re-returning to the Alanon principles to work out my thoughts, establish healthier patterns, and release negativity (directed at myself or at others).
I like this post.