The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I have not been able to find a Al-anon meeting close enough for me to attend in person so I started attending one online nightly. I wasn't going to say anything to my AH about what I was doing because I thought it would seem like I was doing it to bother him. I have done that a lot in the past. I would start counseling or reading books about living with a alcoholic but then when we get in a fight I would yell at him aying you are doing exactly what the book said you would do. That never turned out good. I thought it would seem like I was doing the same thing if I said anything to him. One night I was online for a meeting and he came in and started watching TV. Normally I would have put the computer down to be with him but this time I didn't. After a few minutes he asked what I was doing. Since he asked, I told him. He just rolled his eyes and said "so you still think everything is my fault". I told him that I was trying to find something for me that would make me feel better that it had nothing to do with me trying to blame anyone for anything.
I continued to read the Al-anon books and attend the online meetings. He would sit in his shop at night drinking and I would be in the house with the kids doing our usual things. Friday night he left to go to watch his son play football. I stayed home and played games with the kids for a while then went to bed. I woke up to the phone ringing at 1:00am. It was my husband and he was very drunk. He said he didn't mean to wake me up that he just wanted to talk. I was scared to start talking to him because our conversations never end well if he is drinking. I didn't want to make him mad though so I went along with it. He said he had been sitting there thinking about me starting Al-anon and it had been bothering him. It made him start wondering if he might really have a problem. He said he told himself he could easily quit if he wanted to so he didn't think he did. That night after he left the ball game he said he stopped to get a bottle and told himself that he just needed a couple of drinks to help him sleep. Three hours later the bottle was empty and he was calling me crying. He told me then on the phone that he must be a alcoholic because most people would have passed out before they could drink that much. He also realized that even though he had only planned on drinking a little he could not stop once he started. I didn't want to say too much because I never know what will set him off when he has been drinking so I just let him talk until he fell asleep.
Saturday morning he got up and went to work at about 9. He came home that afternoon and did not start drinking but he didn't say anything about the night before either. I didn't know if I should bring it up so I just didn't. He did not drink at all last night and he is not drinking tonight. I am not going to get my hopes up though. I am just hoping he will keep thinking about it anyway. I am going to continue with Al-anon. I am so glad this Forum is here.
Aloha kkm and welcome to the board...They do get drunk and their minds keep working while under the load of alcohol. He's got some evidence and suspicions and he's accurate. Maybe he'll get the courage to take an assessment some time some where. Maybe there is a recovering alcoholic close by he will touch and then like me maybe his Higher Power will lead him by the hand personally and deposit him in a meeting. Hope so...will pray on it. ((((hugs))))
I find talking to them when they are drinking only causes me to get upset and say things that will set him off. I try to tell him I don't wish to talk about this right now. IF you still want to talk tomorrow call me then. Saying it in a calm way helps both of us.
You've done a great job of working your own recovery in this situation. I hope you continue taking care of yourself with meetings, the steps and keeping your serenity. TT
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Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
I think you did great. Just wanted to note that most folks cannot quit on their own. They stop for a few days, a week, a month (maybe even longer) and then tell themselves they can control it cuz "look, I didn't drink for X amount of days!!!" and then they go back worse than ever. Not saying this to get you upset but only to keep your expectations low and stay focused on yourself. Real alcoholics usually need a program of recovery and they need to go through this stopping for a day or a few and then relapsing hard before really getting humble and admitting that not only do they have a problem, but they need AA.
I stopped for 4 months on my own and convinced myself I had it under control. When I started back up again...well...that is what it took to get me in AA.
