The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I started having a realistic look at my situation right now, and see how far I have come since I started the work in Al Anon over 1 year ago ....it was invisible throughout the confusion, the blaming, the fights, and the storm, but now that peace is slowly coming within me, I can judge more clearly. So I had a closer look at the promises of Al Anon, as they have been mentioned again in one post recently, a good exercise.
1. We will become mature, responsible individuals with a great capacity for joy, fulfillment, and wonder. Though we may never be perfect, continued spiritual progress will reveal to us our enormous potential.
i made quite some progress in being responsible for myself and my actions. I tried many things, in the beginning ...and those things didn't work out. Then I realized my motives, saw where I had unrealistic expectations, read a lot from elders and their experiences and try to apply new ways in my ways of being. most of the new ways worked out and came with a healthy feeling, and I became more able to trust myself. Beside the chaos with the A, I came also across beautiful experiences with other people, almost invisible in the turmoil. But those have been as much real, if not more than the other stuff....i just didn't want to look at it that way. Spiritual progress has definitely been a real point of growth, where I can go back and get new energy an positiveness from today. not perfect, but better
2. We will discover that we are both, worthy of love and loving. We will love others without losing ourselves, and will learn to accept love in return.
on this point I'm still very uneasy. I know I love...but I also am aware of that I have not always know a healthy way of loving. I have always been the 'giving it all-and loosing myself over it' type. Right now I'm learning to enjoy my single life, daily, because it has freedom. But it is still also a very fresh start.... I will see progress, if I can walk steady in a detached way. I guess this will really show if and when I meet somebody again. BUt right now I am in the process of learning to love myself enough. It is starting to feel good and safe.
3. Our sight, once clouded and confused, will clear and we will be able to perceive reality and recognize truth
Being able to recognizing truth was something that probably saved me all along already in recovery. This is also due to real people around me, which is due to my real connectedness with the world around me, human or natural. That's a talent I'm really thankful for.
4. Courage and fellowship will replace fear. We will be able to risk failure to develop new hidden talents.
That's something I'm really looking forward to, so much is still left to discover... and I'm open. I know since long that fear is a big blocker, I can see it all around me also. Knowing that it is, is already a good point where to start avoiding it. Some days more, some days less. This fellowship helps in support enormously.
5. Our lives, no matter how battered and degraded, will yield hope to share with others.
I cannot compare with others. I have suffered my own degrading situations, I have my own wounds, my own pain. It's never comparable. I am still alive, I am still loving life, and i love sharing with others, their pain and successes. It adds to being connected, to feel that every individual has their own struggles, and compassion can develop from it. My mistake in the past has been identifying too much and taking over too much of other people's pain... i know now that I can be more of support to others, if I leave them fight their own battles. Rescuing is not working.
6. We will begin to feel and will come to know the vastness of our emotions, but will not be slaves to them.
work in progress, but soooo much better if I compare today to what I have been 10 years ago. Wisdom has come with patience. And I experienced a lot of 'this too shall pass', thanks to meditation.
7. Our secrets will no longer bind us in shame.
Sometimes still, if I share with the wrong people. I have to be careful about that. but it is still better to share than to be secretive, for it would only keep me in isolation. I am not scared so much to speak up anymore, and this board has been a good school.
8. As we gain the ability to forgive our families, the world, and ourselves our choices will expand.
very slowly.... it's difficult at times with family, for they are very close and not everybody accepts the wrongs or looks at alcoholism as a family disease. I will keep my distance, and try to forgive anyway. I have a huge respect today of what this disease is able to do. I start with myself in trying to get healthy.
9. With dignity we will stand for ourselves, but not against our fellows.
i have to learn that...i can get still quite defensive. fear.......
10. Serenity and peace will have meaning for us, as we allow our lives and the lives of those we love to flow day by day with G-ds ease, balance, and grace.
serenity and peace, I have had glimpses of that and I love the simplicity and respect in that feeling. I shall sure take that as a motivation and a goal in such. I think real love is at the end of that.
11. No longer terrified, we will discover we are free to delight in lifes paradox, mystery, and awe.
yet to discover ... practice.
12. We will laugh more.
Already happening, without feeling guilty for it this time, and it feels good.
13. Fear will be replaced by faith, and gratitude will come naturally as we realize that our Higher Power is doing for us what we cannot do for ourselves.
trusting HP is a practice that doesn't always come easily, I'm a long time co-depdenent , so the urge to control is there somewhere still. But gratitude has definitely grown on me, i have to remind me everyday, currently, not to get soaked into old habits. I'm starting to let go of the need to control others, and hopefully one day also let go of control of my own Self. I should ease up a bit, being able to show love and weaknesses .... and thus allow others to approach me. Right now this is not the case..others are more scared of me than anything, for they think I'm strong. Which keeps me quite isolated at times.
Could really relate to your post. Very much in the same place with my recovery. Some days are hard but overall I'm better and so is AH, ironically from the changes I made when I stepped back from him and worked on myself and let him fall. We'll see if he continues to improve but I will be okay either way. I know it now. We are stronger than we ever thought. :) Hang in there.
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"Just being there for someone can sometimes bring hope when all seems hopeless." - Dave G. Llewellyn
