I am free from court until October .. he plays his cards right and I won't be available again until after the new year .. lol.  Oi .. not what I had in mind however it just is what it is at this point.  It's just a series of delays.  He's really stupid if he pisses the judge off further. 

Mediation was a joke at this point.  I really didn't ask for much, .. literally it came down to asking the mediator to read my daughters letter and think of his children and as a parent would he feel safe sending his children into that kind of situation.  So it is a safety issue.  I want my daughter to have the right to end visitation if she feels unsafe and what that means is it lets me off the hook for LOTS of negotiation stuff.  As I was sitting in the office his computer screen blipped and he says ohhh .. STBAX just rescheduled .. I started laughing .. literally .. nothing surprises me however the timing was priceless as I was explaining the challenges of co parenting with him.  He just checks out at whim .. the atty looked at me slack jaw and I just shook my head.  Welcome to my marriage .. you can't have a marriage when someone else just doesn't show up to the hard icky stuff and this is hard icky stuff. 

Anyway, I will hear more later in the month however he delays it that is completely on him .. I don't know what he's doing .. he wanted to be divorced .. ohhhh .. the other issue is this as well .. if this goes to court he could be looking at some serious trouble .. he just is completely clueless on the evidence I have and I feel sorry for him.  The mediator just said .. umm .. his atty has NO clue what you have .. I shook my head and said nope I'm sure he doesn't and his client is going to bottom out when he finds out.  It is what it is at this point.  He gave me the feeling that he actually spoke to his atty and after speaking with me was just stunned .. sooo I'm sure his atty has NO idea what has been transpiring in the past few weeks and doesn't care .. I know he's looking stupid over the OP stuff. 

That being said there are a lot of positive things going on .. again NO COURT UNTIL OCTOBER .. woot woot!!  At least I hope so .. and I hope when the mediator calls he just says he took the deal and just wants this to be over.  I don't know .. one can hope right? 

The kids and I have started back into weekly therapy .. I'm working my steps .. the kids are thriving and I do mean thriving in school.  They are both loving it big time.  I'm soooo blessed it's about crazy and I am truly grateful for this opportunity for them.  I wish I could keep them both there until they graduate .. I just can't which is sad for us all.  I'm watching my daughter just blossom and I love it .. she pulls out of this stuff she's going to be a force to be reckoned with .. I've seen her let go of so much fear and really put herself out there .. I hope and pray she just keeps on keeping on. 

Something I REALLY liked about this therapist that I'm seeing is he's given me permission for something I have always believed .. it is important to forgive .. however that being said .. it's a process .. it just doesn't happen BAM especially while in the throws of trauma.  We are all going to have to get there, it doesn't have to be today, .. it's not a process to be held out on either.  It's really hard for us all to be in the throws of all this mess and constantly be told ohh you have to forgive .. yes .. that is important .. it's even more important to feel the feelings and all those to flow out in a positive way.  It was transforming to watch my daughter's relief as she processed what he was telling her.  Plus it's hard to love someone when you hate what they are doing to themselves, to us individually and to us as a family unit.  He gave us all permission which I think they needed to hear from someone else and I needed the reminder .. it's ok to love the STBAX when what he is doing is NOT ok. 

Those were big lessons this week.  OHHH .. I got rid of one court thing .. that is another relief .. so one down and another three to go .. lol.  That feels really good.  HUGE stress off of me.  I'm going to continue doing what I'm doing .. it's not easy and I'm still dealing with a mess of things .. it's getting clearer. 

Hugs P :)