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Please say a prayer for my son. I don't know where he is and I can't get a hold of him because his phone is either dead or turned off. No activity....
I pray I'm over reacting as in the past.
I raised him up and gave him over to God...I can't do no more.
( hugs )
Cathy , I never stopped putting you and your boy in my prayers...everytime I get on the board, I send a prayer up to HP for your son to overcome this and for peace for you....
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I've been gone much of the day. Just saw your post. Lots of prayers for the both of you. There were times when my son disappeared that I'd feel like I was going off the edge. Some how, some way, HP gave me what I needed and I would be at peace again. (((C)))
I found him. He is back at his old place. His landlord called me back. He said he is not going to kick him out until he finds a new tenant because of the heat. Nice guy.
I know he's alive. I will not go see him but I did write a email telling him that he could at least let me know he is OK. I also said if he didn't want me to know TELL ME and I will NEVER AGAIN try to find him. I will also talk to his father and let him know he's alive....not OK but alive.
I haven't learned...I projected and worried. I didn't stay in the moment. I let the A put me in a bad place. I need to remember yes he's my son but he's an adult and can take care of himself good or bad.
I need more meetings but I really need a sponsor. Without one I will just continue to stay sick. I'm mad...nothing new....I'm sick...nothing new....will I do the next right thing? please God help me do the next right thing.
Thank you for the prayers....they helped so much giving me comfort that I'm not alone no matter what I do wrong and in denial continuously.
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Good news, Cathy. It takes practice to stay in the moment. You are practicing. And - I don't think any of this can say we've reached perfection?
We're all practicing something with you, Cathy. Glad you're going to get a sponsor. Times like these are scary for anybody - especially when it comes to our kids in my experience. Grown or not - we're still their Moms. We just learn to relax more, trust more, check less, and surround ourselves with encouragement, strength and hope. (((C)))
I haven't learned...I projected and worried. I didn't stay in the moment. I let the A put me in a bad place. I need to remember yes he's my son but he's an adult and can take care of himself good or bad.
I need more meetings but I really need a sponsor. Without one I will just continue to stay sick. I'm mad...nothing new....I'm sick...nothing new....will I do the next right thing? please God help me do the next right thing.
Thank you for the prayers....they helped so much giving me comfort that I'm not alone no matter what I do wrong and in denial continuously.
DEar Cathy, now I don't want to see you beating up on my friend Cathy ok??? Hey we ALL have our weak times..that is why we are in alanon, acoa, coda, like me.....oh yea, b/c I don't need program....I go AWOL for 6 months or so AFTER about 2 years, sloppy program work and BOOM, right back in the coda rabbit hole.......please be easy on you...you are a MOM and its a "MOM" thing to worry...yes, we need strong program....strong step work, strong meetings attendance...I am working my program , learned my lesson about going MIA, it just doesn't work to be away from my "life raft" that long....I can stay saner, a lot better working...
I think you handled it pretty good, all that hes thrown at you.....
Look at me...it has taken me how long to admit.... to do a step 5,.... to come out of denial, that I am allowing myself to be victim of mental and emotional abuse by daughter #2.....Like why do I think I need to let , even family, people ABUSE ME??? Don't I love me YET????? well I am workin on that right now!!!!!!! My co-sponsor knows ALL the crap I let her do to me....
I have had to cut her off , NO contact to protect my program and my sanity....I was next door visiting w/the little son of my neighbor, who is like a little brother to me...and his boy loves his "grammie" he hugs me, kisses me, loves to go w/me in the truck....My D#2 comes out of her house and kinda stands there, looking at me b4 she gets in her car, I just looked at her and continued to talk to my neighbors...she waved and I waved back, and she got in her car and drove off...Had she come over??? I would have gone into "D's" house and visited w/his daughter inside till D#2 left.....
I have to constantly work my program or I won't stay tough...I can call my co-sponsor day or night if I ever get tempted to have contact....my co-sponsor is my best friend in the world, as close to me as my own sisters and cousin and she told me "You dont' work your program , you are at risk of a slip"....she was right......this past 2 plus years I worked a really "sloppy" program and D#2 was hammering me with the abuse...cruel stuff she did and I would accept her apologies and forgive and reconcile and she would slam me again....
I wasn't working a strong program so I got hammered......now??? lesson seen and learned.....I get back into program, it begins to re-grow within me and I am OK ....TODAY....I am ok and not putting myself "out there" for her to trigger me.....its a DAY to DAY basis...Day to day battle by me , for me......
Really Cathy, I know our situations are different, you have an A son, I have a cruel, abusive daughter....both situations are painful....I had to come to the place where I HAVE to give her over to her maker or I go right down the coda rabbit hole and this time, on a day to day basis, I am working my program....
Hell, If I told you how many times i would forgive and take her back, only to get my heart cut out again, its not anything wrong w/us, it is just hard to admit defeat, powerlessness and come to the point where I GOT to LET HER GO....
I did my best...my best with the tools that I had...yea, I have made mistakes, being a coda, but I never ever abused my girls, never abandoned them, I shared my mistakes w/them so they would, hopefully, learn from my mistakes and have a better life...Yea, I was most likely over protective, being a product of the worst kind of abuse, but I did my best....I am "OK" with me and was I a good mom...I know I was...And look..#2 is monstrous to me in a very kinda quiet, passive aggressive way......Do I blame me??? Not anymore...She has choice, same as I do...Give good energy and reap good....Or give bad energy and reap bad.......I taught them about consequences or what they sow, they reap...
It is time for me to let her go to learn her lessons....Daughter #1 is the polar opposite....I guess I will look at my glass as 1/2 full...and Give the rest over to Creator....
I am glad U R thinking of getting sponsor....Mine is my absolute rock when I need her...I have a co-recovery mate in alanon as well.....and we work well together...We were girls in school together....My closest relationships are life long...I am blessed, really and I look at that, my dear adoptive sisters who rescued me as an abuse victim and gave me rest in their homes....my best 2 girlfriends....my dear cousin who is coming to see me end of month to just be my friend and , she knows my kids...She knows and has seen the way I was treated....I talked her into trying alanon b/c she has an X who is a total dry drunk.....So my cuzz is coming and I am gonna print out some literature, and my big step work sheets for her....She wants program.....so good news on that
Treat yourself good, Cathy...U deserve it...Any mistakes I might have made, I did out of a good heart....I see that U have a good heart......take care of that good heart...I know I am....:) (((((Hugs))))
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
I am also guilty of projecting and not staying in the moment. It seems I take one step forward and then two steps back. I can't put my life on hold anymore. I make plans and then I say to myself "what if he calls and I won't be around"; "what if he needs me? That's the kind of stinkin' thinkin' that goes through my head.
It's hard for me to know what to do - I need to pray harder for HP's guidance. My life is worth something too.
