The material presented
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Oh, Rose. I can certainly understand your concern and your fear. Can you call the local police department and share with them your concern for your son and/or the psychiatrist who released him with your concern? Can you go to the safe house to check on him? Or go with a friend or more to the house to check on him? If its any help to you, re-read the responses to Cathy. Lots of good wisdom there that might be helpful for you in helping you to regain some peace and strength. (((R)))
If its any help to you, my son routinely has disappeared. He is using at those times. I have to trust him and his HP because there's nothing I can do that makes any rational sense.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Thursday 5th of September 2013 07:30:42 AM
I am very concerned about my son. He had checked himself into the hospital psych ward last weekend as he is depressed and I believe he had a relapse. He called me to let me know where he is and told me "I'm fine - don't worry about me". He is currently living in a rooming house, which is supposed to be sober living but it's not. The landlord is only concerned about getting his rent check. My son told me he doesn't feel safe there - there was some violence and the police were called. I believe this is why he checked himself into the hospital -- in an attempt to be placed elsewhere.
His psychiatrist called me on Tuesday to let me know he was being released and that he agreed to intensive outpatient treatment. She asked me if he ever said anything to me about harming himself and I said no. She then asked a few other questions and I told her how he didn't feel safe where he's living. He was released back to that same rooming house.
The reason for my worry and concern - he needed his cellphone repaired and had it shipped to my address. He's been without it almost a week and I know he really needs it. He emailed me Tuesday (after release from the hospital) to say he would be by yesterday to pick it up. He never showed up and I never heard from him. I called his roommate's phone and it just goes to voice mail. I left a message yesterday afternoon but no call back. I'm scared - alone - crying. No way to reach my son and no clue what's going on.
I don't know the address of the rooming house, just the street and city. If I don't hear from him today I will call the psychiatrist and advise her of the situation. Not much else I can do but wait.
And like Cathy, you are aware that you don't have to ride this out alone and afraid. We're right here with you as more is revealed and your faith in benevolent kindness gives you some comfort and some peace, Rose. We may be powerless over the future and our grown kids' disease and choices, but isn't it a gift to know that we do have control over isolating ourselves or sharing our fears and our concerns. Many, many blessings and lots of encouragement and support, Rose.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Thursday 5th of September 2013 07:10:07 PM
I know your feelings and fear you have right now. I also have no contact and don't know what is happening. All I can do is what Betty says.....Stay in the moment and pray and share with us your concerns. It does help you because then your not alone.
If you need to call his counselor. They are the professionals that know what to do and can help.
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
NOT knowing whats goin on has been my biggest, well one of my biggest fears....I guess it comes from my need to be in control...have my finger on everything's pulse so so speak and that is never possible...
now is the time to lean on your reocvery mates for esh and strength and steps 1,2, 3.......SOMONE knows where he is....his creator knows.....no mater what the outcome, he is not alone...neither are you...you just don't know where HE is.......sending you strength and comfort energy
remember....we are powerless over another.....we gotta let this play out as we have no other choice, but to work our program and hope for the best...kinda prep. for the worst and usually we come out in the middle somewhere.......PEACE, good lady
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Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
You are so right - not knowing is pure torture. I do like to be in control, unfortunately I am learning how little control I really have.
I know I am powerless and have to ride this out. Whatever happens - I will accept God's will.
I so well know when I would be upset and worry about my son that he didn't have toothpaste, TP or gas for his car to get to job interviews ( he has food ) I would end up giving him a little money for those things and something left over for a Mc Donalds...only because he hasn't been there for so long. Now I know better than to give any money because I will know right where it will go. As long as he was broke he was sober unless he pawned or sold something. But as time go's on there is not going to be much to sell. I know now, to give my son any money is just a big mistake. He would be so grateful when I did.....so I thought he would use the money wisely. Not a chance. Then I started buying the things for him and take him to put the gas in the car. But that had to stop too. He was not getting the message. He was not suffering or in enough fear to seek help. I had to stop the enabling completely. When all is gone, car, computers, tv's and everything he can sell then he will done. I will let it happen. I quit paying his rent about 5 months ago. He sold his nice car and bought a beater car to drive. That kept him for the 5 months with a roof over his head and drinking to his hearts content. Now he can sell this car and everything else to live....I don't know. I can't help him.
I have called and emailed and text and nothing. I don't know where he is or what he is doing. My guess is he's on a really big bender and when the alcohol is gone and he wakes up maybe I will hear something. It can be very stressful but I'm learning day by day to control my feelings so I don't go nuts.
When I get worked up I up my meetings and come to MIP. I don't have a sponsor but I'm in need of one badly to help.
Again I know what your going through right now but it will pass as it has many times before.
(((( hugs my friend ))))
PS: I give money.....I don't hear from him......when I hear he's in the hospital because he almost overdosed.....he go's to Detox......stays sober for about 2 weeks promising to get well.....mom would help by giving money again......cycle starts over. 4 long years of it. No more...sorry.
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
Wow...I could have written your post just about word for word. So many similarities. I have been such a push-over for my son - Mom is always there to help and he knows it. I feel guilty now because if not for me, he wouldn't have any money to spend for alcohol. But then again, his unemployment could have kicked in by now. I am so done helping financially. I only pray to God that he will be okay. He's had alcohol poisoning in the past. I can't even imagine what all his hospital bills have amounted to. It is a vicious cycle - sober for some time, then comes another binge, detox, rehab, repeat.
My son has been in the hospital so many times I can't count anymore. I would 3 days straight with him in the ICU ward on a ventilator thinking this is it. Every time he came out of Detox...that was it....he was going to get help. He would go to AA, get a sponsor and start working a program. 2 weeks to a month......hear nothing....he was on another binge. My son get seizures if he quits drinking so he can't without medical help. He sleeps on his side with pillows all around him so if he has one he is not on his back. He was once at my house and we were standing and just talking and he went into a seizure and fell, hit his head on the table and was on his back. He was turning blue and I didn't know what to do. I was screaming and pumping on his chest because he wasn't breathing. Only thing that saved him was I was so upset I picked up his head and held it to my chest. He started breathing. What I didn't know....I do now.....is that you need to turn a seizing person on their side so their tongue will not cut off their breathing. Not sure why I'm telling you all this but I want you to know what can and will happen going forward. This is a progressive disease and it WILL get worst and we enabling is not helping.
My son is on his last leg because of me not helping him anymore. He will be homeless..I don't know when..I don't know where he even is right now. But I can tell you one thing. What I had done for the last 4 years was the worst I could have done for him. He didn't have to grow up and face his disease because mom was keeping him comfortable....so why change. Yes they have great guilt and depression but that go's with the disease. I played into it because I didn't want my little boy to suffer.
Well he's still suffering after all this time. But what changed was I CHANGED. I have stopped the enabling and gave the disease back to my son to deal with. It's now his turn to put his life back together not MOM. I will give him the respect to be the adult he is and take of himself. I will give him to God because I'm not God and can't control it or cure it...only my son along with his HP can.
Yes I have fear and worry. Yes I think he might die...but you know? He will die if I continue to contribute to his disease...just a little slower.
I'm having problems right now trying to control my heartbreak and hurt but I'm doing so much better than I've done in the past. I'm learning every day how to take care of me and my "what ifs". I come out of my worry and fear a whole lot faster than I did a year ago.
What I know now is I will never go back to the way I was because if I do all will be lost and nothing will change. The merry-go-round will start up again.
I pray many times a day to stay strong and have the courage to stay the course. I love my son dearly and he knows it. I'm 110 percent in his corner to seek help and go into recovery and he know it. I will stand beside him in recovery with support and courage to continue...but he has to do this himself. I can't do it for him.
For me I'm in recovery for my disease. I will go to Al-anon, do the steps and learn to live a peaceful life. I will be happy. I will detach with love and kindness and continue to love my son for what he is. I will respect his decisions good or bad. I will set my boundaries and stick by them. I will cry and I will laugh. I will get better.
Start by taking care of you and let go let God. You can do this because you are not alone and help is there just like help is there for your son.
(((( hugs ))))
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Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
My son has also been in the ICU on a ventilator. He had to be physically restrained by several nurses when he was having hallucinations. Another time he was admitted due to alcoholic hepatitis - his skin and whites of his eyes were yellow. He has had seizures but I never witnessed them. After all this, he stayed sober for a year before relapsing and going on a 5 day bender. Back to the hospital then rehab and sober living. Now it appears he has relapsed once again after 4 months and disappeared off the face of the earth. He's attended AA meetings but never really committed to the program. Same thing with therapy.
I've been heartsick the last couple of days but really need to start taking care of myself. I Let go and Let God.
Aw, gosh, you two. Your strength and your courage touch me. Praying with you for all our children, our spouses, and all families and friends affected by this disease. (((R & C)))
