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my name is slogan_jim and I am a grateful member of al-anon. I feel like ranting about how I feel. I promised myself I'd leave this out of my social life, so you guys get to benefit :)
I have made no secret that I am tired of being alone. I am tired of tackling life by myself with just my higher power. Growing up in an alcoholic home, it's all I knew. I feel like I worked extremely hard to scrape and claw my way to mediocre. Because of this, I never felt 'good enough' and unworthy. My own parents didn't even see their kids as worthy to plan for their future right?
With that being said, I am at an age where it is more and more difficult to find single friends. I feel at a crossroads, I want to meet someone because I feel, then I will fit in. I will relate. Everything from my problems, to my accomplishments just seem so mundane compared to everyone else. I want to 'want this' more. Some guys have no problem meeting someone. Most guys have hope it'll happen. As each day passes it seems like it's just dropping further and further away. I am almost 30 and I don't even know where to start.
It's not like I've put it aside to start a million dollar business or finish an mba or travel the world. I've pushed it to the wayside to bring me back up to normal. To live a mediocre life. To be average. I am fed up of being average.
I havn't had a crush on anyone in forever. Why don't I want this more? Why do all my visions of the future only include me? They don't include anyone else. I can't visualize her. When i see myself with kids, sometimes it's as a single dad. Just like my dad. I don't want that.
Eventually, everyone will pair off and I'll be the odd man out. The forgotten one. The bitter one. The pissed off one. Women have told me i'm 'to independant' and they wouldn't know who to set me up with. Thinking back it seems like people are trying to tell me what I never seemed to see. Well, I'm seeing it now. That I'm fooling myself. The ship seems to have sailed and right now I feel like I'll just need to get used to a robotic life collecting paycheques and dinners for one.
I need something to renew my hope. God's not answering my call. I take matters into my own hands and it flops. I am worse off than when I started.
When I meet new friends and the results aren't immediate I reject them. That happened recently and luckily I was able to play it off as a bad day.
I just don't get it sometimes.
Thanks for listening. it's my bedtime. goodnight :)
I started my last relationship 31 years ago. And I am still in it. My own ESH is that stuff like this 'just happens'. Its like there she is- there is another person in my world! I think letting go helps- and sounding off is a good way to kick-start that process. A good share, mate!
I also know a guy who for various reasons, all his own, appeared to be one who would never marry. He was once listed in a magazine as one of America's most eligible men. He met a gal when he was about 65 years old. She was a widow with children and grandkids. They developed a very good friendship - one that he only hinted about to his sister. Then, he announced he was getting married. He was suddenly a husband with children and grandkids who got to skip the middle part and is very happily married to her now.
I was one, like you, who thought I had to be married because I was alone, my friends were all married, and besides that's just what people did. I was 22, married close to 23, and spent 8 years in hell and multiple years later am still recovering from living life on my terms rather than the other way around. Friends with long-lasting, happy marriages were either not looking for it and were content with their single state or knew on a deep level that they were going to marry the person who was right for them. I also had children - both who were hurt by a very bad marriage.
Living life on life's terms helps us avoid doing that which our ego demands and saves us from unnecessary trauma and suffering and spares young ones from it, too.
-- Edited by grateful2be on Thursday 5th of September 2013 07:19:33 AM
What I am trying to do is get out of the "woe is me" headspace...which is honestly, really challenging. been stuck there off and on.
I am trying to be a person that others like to be with...not like I'm acting like something I'm not..just trying to focus more on the things I like about myself, and trying to shift energies when I approach that "funk" headspace...
For me, it's pretty predictable when I get down...it's usually when I am facing many chores and obligations and am tired...it's hard to be upbeat and hopeful when stressed and exhausted. I also notice when I eat crappy food I tend to be more moody.
I will be 50 tomorrow...and it scares the crap out of me that I am alone and totally on my own at this age -- responsible for 2 boys, a house, a full-time job...and and and.... But HP has put this issue of being alone in my path...and I have to make peace with it..knowing that it may not change (or it might). Just another thing that we are powerless over...can't MAKE others love us and want to be with us. We CAN be people who others can trust and have fun with...
Just be the best you that you can be. It's all we can do...the rest is out of our control.
RP
ps..I have a great aunt who, at 74, met a 50+ yo guy of another race (ha, was that a scandal!)...and they have been together 6 years...and are VERY happy. One just never knows...
Stopping in here to let you know I hear you. What a great forum to have, huh? Sometimes life can just be so dry...then I see a flower peeking up from a crack in a cement slab.
I have 4 children, 2 single and 2 married, ranging in age from 24 to 33. None of them dated much or had steady boyfriends/girlfriends. Of course, I blamed it on my husband and me because we did not provide them with good role models. Our 2 older ones met their spouses later in their 20's (closer to 30), dated briefly, got married (one at a courthouse and the other in Vegas) and started their families. It all happened fast, without any expectations. The other two are hanging out, not dating and seemingly ok with it. One never knows!
