The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I've shared when I went to alanon several years ago, I went to change the addict. I went back after realizing how my obsession on this person was really effecting me. Even later I realized obsession is what (I) do and is why I needed to keep coming back.
Tonight I was reading in Discovering Choices and I read this: I have had three relationships since my divorce. I've grown through each of them, but I am having a really hard time letting go of the most recent one. I obsess about her, which was a problem in my marriage as well.
Funny when I look at the relationship with the addict, I knew I was obsessive but got so used to blaming Him as the cause. I had mentioned I came back seeing my obsession but what I'm seeing tonight is that obsession in general was a problem even then and he wasn't the cause of My obsessing. When I look past him and look at All my relationships with an honest search, I see I've been obsessive in All my relationships. When no one's around, I can obsess on Myself .. Helps to see my part in relationships in general. When I look even deeper, I see neither of us was Ever happy and neither of us was Each other's reason. That was a problem in relationships as well. Especially the one with myself.
I'm not typing this with despair tonight, a ton of feeling, or even obsessing; I'm just recognizing it and it's more just seeing what I need to voice or in this case type to Admit out loud what's here in 'Me .. Began seeing today when I was with the addict and we had a problem or rather He began the crazy making and I joined in by reacting and then trying to reason things out growing even crazier, etc .. I realize I thought I Needed to Talk to That person because That was where the problem was (or so I thought). I thought That would be what makes me feel sane. Tonight I'm seeing No. It's the talking and being allowed to express what's in my mind and heart that's going to set me free. It isn't Any of the addict Thinkers I need to talk to and reason things through with. It's others in Alanon or others with a spiritual recovery. or others with an open mind. The addict thinkers are not going to make (My Own Thinking more Reasonable) .. Thank you for being here for me to share with. This will also help my future meeting shares in face to face. It's through all of you my sanity comes from with higher power and I'm so grateful for each of you and for Every newcomer who joins the circle of recovery .. A Much healthier and slow moving merry go round ..
beautiful share metwo2 ;) The first time I came I wanted to change him, I will admit I still want recovery for him, but I'm in reality and know I can just focus on my own recovery. The second time I came in to the program, I wanted recovery for myself. Through awareness, I was able to see that he would try to spin my head or make crazy making behaviors, and I would react and just want to discuss them to death. This is a bad habit...ha ha...so I'm working at changing that behavior, it's a process but now if I feel myself slipping, I get out my alanon books and study, get to a meeting, or call someone in the program.I just love your shares, they give me hope and more faith. blessings to you
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I needed these behaviors in my past they helped me survive I'm finding new and better ways to not just survive but thrive
