I finally got angry and it cleared my head. - Al-Anon Family Group

sadsusie · Senior Member

I finally got angry and it cleared my head.

hotrod · ~*Service Worker*~

Good work sadsusie

You are growing and your recovery is taking root.

Thanks for sharing and please keep taking care of you

-- Edited by hotrod on Wednesday 4th of September 2013 01:21:37 PM

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

He was verbally abusive and (do I have to even say it lol) manipulative

Be careful. Self preservation may be necessary for you right now. Your way of being in your relationship may have saved your behind. Be mindful that we can also manipulate ourselves. Go slow and continue working your program. I do not know of any human that can stop verbally abusive and manipulative behaviors in 32 days of sobriety (I am hoping his sobriety includes recovery; if not, short of a powerful divine intervention, his behaviors will not change). You may have a sponsor already, if not, it would be helpful to find one. (((hugs)))

Jerry F · ~*Service Worker*~

Good work SS...I agree. You're doing great and it is still early; your compulsions to go back and be the victim are not gone yet...you have not fully gotten yourself back yet and the lean is toward giving up and letting him have his way and that is our part "we let" the alcoholic have their way and that is how they know what buttons to push and what behaviors to use.

This always reminds me of the man who called his wife he was separated from wanting to go home again. They had troubles. She was learning about herself. She told him on that phone call the truth of the matter, "I love you. I like having your here and I don't need you". That in fact is the truth.

Keep coming back (((((hugs))))) smile

PP · ~*Service Worker*~

What I did not say, is, yes, you are having some great insights and doing well with your program...well done.

Bettina · ~*Service Worker*~

Good works, this is an important time in your recovery.

I have learned now that no matter what I think sometimes, even when I think I have made a decision, I follow my feet.

If they don't move, something is telling me to stay right where I am.

The body knows, listen to it also. You are breaking the cycle of insanity, doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result, now your doing a different action and he is thrown. But its not about him, its about YOU! Its finally about YOU!

Doesnt mean that you will not re unite at sometime, but he must respect you and your boundaries, together or apart.

Hugs,
Bettina

Debilyn · ~*Service Worker*~

dear one, I have read your post about 3 times or more.

Has one worked on detaching from the A? From my experience the A's disease is their own. I have nothing to do with it anymore than it is my business if they cut their toenails, or look at the sky. Al Anon taught me to mind my own business as far as his disease. It's totally out of my control, so I gave it no attention. I concerned myself into loving him as a person, he is not his disease.

What does counting his days of not drinking do for you? Plus I can almost guarentee you he is drinking.I asked my AH about that once, he said,"Well is she following him into the bathroom?" Only his hp knows.

Plus he must not be in recovery as his language does not show that. NO ONE recovers or gets in control of their addiction. That is the whole point. HP brings us to be able to live, with skills to live the best we can.

Susie I see the manipulation. He says hey I did it so you can. Again bolony. "got through addiction?" Telling you to be proactive ,ummm who moved out? Got a job? Made a home? Goes to meetings? Is practicing her program? Honey believe me his disease is totally freaked out and trying to find something to tear you down.You talk program and all of a sudden he has, "sweet words?" Uh Uh, not me budi I am not falling for it.

One thinks he wants you to move back home?His disease is talking not him.This is where an Al Ano friend would say, "A's" do not want to go down alone."

You sound very light and happy, your progress is great. But when you speak of him I feel this heaviness. Let me invite you to do something, again someone on here said to me many, many years ago."Drop the Rock." His stuff, his meaning, communication, his drinking, his threatening, whatever is his problem not yours!!

Also the disease is threatening you, using the big guns, becuz it KNOWS you are getting wise to it. It's ways of manipulating are not working anymore.

I see a strong woman who has put up with a prison guard for many years. She has physically gotten herself away from him. The guard has a job to get her back, he is going to use every way possible to do that. So I invite you to emotionally g beet away too. When you feel sad, lonely, miss the man he used to be, say stop in your head. Remind yourself this is not the man I love talking. Mentally, I am choosing to be on my own, I am a strong person, I am doing this. not trying but doing. spiritually I am going to meetings to heal my heart. I read literature, I practice what I believe. Also where are you fitting in fun stuff? Are you going out with new friends? Talking to old ones? Fixing up your place? Buying you some girly stuff being the beautiful woman you are? For your spirit, my experience is I wear make up more, do my hair, color my toenails, wear a shorter denim jumper with a pretty summer top, more feminine.

I play with and raise my animals, have few flowers. Talk with my neighbors. Now my life is not perfect, I am in pain physically, and emotionally, but I still take a lot of time for me.

I hope this touches you some. I am proud to read your progress. I also want to help you to keep the diseases well, crap away from you! The more we never give it any attention, the less power it has. Then also the A has to carry every single bit of it, where it belongs. Maybe he will be miserable enough to change it himself. Until he walks into AA, the disease is controlling him. NOT our problem.

MMm you might be right or yes it is your problem. or completely change the subjece. "time for you to be proactive." OH honey, you know I got my power bill down to ....... Or hey I found a great recipe for.....that will throw the disease becuz you will NEVER speak to it or respond to it again!!

Hugs and more hugs. thank you for sharing your journey! love,debilyn

The material presented here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method to exchange information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal level.