The material presented
here is not Al-Anon Conference Approved Literature. It is a method
to exchange
information, ideas, feelings, problems and solutions on a personal
level.
I emailed him to say hi and hoped his move went well.
He did email me back and said his dad was too sick and chewed him out because my son didn't have any help now. He also said his landlord is on his arse. Also he was more banged up since his last bike accident. He is bleeding everywhere..cut up but is doesn't brother him.
I emailed him back with I could get the trailer from work if he could find somebody to help him move because I just can't lift stuff anymore.
He emailed my back " Please no help" This is all on me. All my fault as well as Mike the foreman and Roger" ( people he was working with at the ranch)
I emailed back " OK I understand"
I think he's back at his apartment, drinking and the landlord is trying to get him out a.s.a.p. Don't know because he will not say anything. I think he is so embarrassed right now and he doesn't want to hurt me anymore. He doesn't want me involved anymore. He will do this on his own good or bad.....and I will let him.
I have to ..... just have to leave my son alone ...... no matter how much pain he's in. It hurts to know of so much pain he is in .....I'm sorry.
I pray to God he will be OK... Like Pinkchip said....it's been quite a long time since I have done any enabling so now it's coming down to the wire. What will happen....who knows...only God knows....this I have to except.
Thank you all for letting me vent
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
I noticed in my own situation when I stepped out of the way stbax immediately has gotten worse and with no assistance from me, it's just going to be what it's going to be. Again it's different for me, watching someone I used to care about is self destructing .. I really have to remember whatever comes out of this it's going to be on him. It doesn't make it easy to completely let go after all this is the father of my kids and knowing what he can be and what he is at the moment is awful. It doesn't help them to know their dad is just a hot mess and can't take them.
Someone said something pretty profound the other day .. do I love and respect the A in my life enough to let them be where they are at in their disease? My initial response is not if it's hurting me! Then I remember this is about them .. not me. Whatever discomfort I have about their situation .. that's my stuff that I need to work through.
You and your son are in my prayers, stick to the program, here, sponsor .. whatever it is that is getting you through. You have tremendous strength, and I hear a lot of pain in your own story. Be good to you Cathy .. you sure deserve it.
Hugs P :)
__________________
Stepping onto a brand-new path is difficult, but not more difficult than remaining in a situation, which is not nurturing to the whole woman.- Maya Angelo
I have to ..... just have to leave my son alone ...... no matter how much pain he's in. It hurts to know of so much pain he is in .....I'm sorry.
Dear Cathy, my AA recovery best friend and I had a good chat...we went over my "going back for more and more punishment from D#2 when I know she is gonna zap me" we talked about what I have to do to take care of me....AND when I get weak adn tempted to go help her, she told me to, and I laughed at first,
but she told me to write sticky notes all over the place of WHY I need to detach from her....sticky note LISTS of why I need to let go...Separate....CHOOSE...me and my serenity or her......write down in the past 2 years, even (don't have enuf sticky notes 2 do more than 2 years of hurtts)
all the things she has done to hurt me, jab me, and how I enabled her and what "thank you" did I get, but another jab......maybe to stay strong, we gotta write ourselves notes.......its just a thought.....be strong, girl..I know U can do it.....D#2 really needs program...but not interested......SO BE IT.....Its time I took care of me....REALLY took care of me.....Gonna do the sticky note thingy...I am tired of hearing myself talk about her quiet cruelty towards me....I allowed it....I opened me up for it....I have to change ME.....Hope the sticky note thingy didnt' sound too dumb, but ya know??? I am gonna do it...Noone ever accused me of being normal...chin up, u can do this
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
(((((Cathy)))))...this is the insanity at work. This is our side of the street, our part in it and our addiction. We go back to the first part of the first step alot until we stay there and don't leave either. This is the God thing and where we Let God and Let Go. Your son is allowing you the respect of your choices and your investment in the disease and is telling you "I've got it" "No more help" and you understand; you are both in this together and helping and caring for each other and I am so sure that he knows he's got it with a power greater than himself and his mother. This is practice time. We don't pickup just as the recovering alcoholic says "just don't pickup that first one". We let go; we let God. I am with you on this too...I will do it as you do it...We are all powerless. You are not alone. ((((hugs))))
I have been crying for the last couple of hours. Haven't done this for some time so I think I need to. I need to except this for what it is. It's like a death....letting go of my flesh and blood. Letting God have him. It hurts so so much.
I am powerless....
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
I have been crying for the last couple of hours. Haven't done this for some time so I think I need to. I need to except this for what it is. It's like a death....letting go of my flesh and blood. Letting God have him. It hurts so so much.
I am powerless....
(((((((((((Cathy)))))))))))))))) I know how ya feel, girlfriend....I have to let somebody go too...went to a meet tonight...talked w/my co-sponsor twice over this and , yea, bottom line is...I was being mentally and emotionally abused and my shame caused me to cover it up, deny it and minimize it but no more...I am facing the hard truth....I cannot help this kid, but I can save me and I am choosing to save MY butt for a change....I just have to have NO contact with her in order to be safe and healthy and at peace......
its hard, I know, hun....I am sooo sorry for your pain, for all of us who just HAVE to give someone over to their maker and LET THEM GO......and yes....POWERLESS is the word....I can't help her and U can't help him......it is sooo sad, no matter what the driving factor is, ...pain is pain.....taking good care of me is MY job...MY responsibility......and it is like a death...U R so right....unless she gets into acoa or alanon , NO contact is the medicine for me.....Sending you hugs of support....So sorry :(
__________________
Live and let live and do it with peace and goodwill to all!!!!
Sis I once heard a group member, a woman, say that it was like ripping your own heart out and while I can relate to the picture I don't think ever I can relate to the pain a mother feels when she is getting out of the way between her child and her God. She knows both so personally and still the consequences of one relationship isn't the same as the other. She prays and then pleads with both and while one gives birth to her she gives birth to the other. The pain never seems to stop in the alcoholic/addict relationship and the love within the other seems overwhelmed by the pain. I know that for me to detach from my own alcoholic/addict son's life with it's choices to drink and use and all of the craziness that came with it, I needed an absolute, unerring reliance and faith in that relationship I have with my Higher Power. I did what I was instructed and shown to do in program with absolute trust and faith and killed my expectations about how I thought it should or would come out. I left the blanks open for God and my son to fill in and I still do that. I practice the first 3 steps like I breathe...like my heart beat...outside of my consiousness and by habit; subconscious.
It works when you work it...is a fact for me; no more questions. "Acceptance is the solution of all of my problems..." is also fact practice, no more questions. "I can't...God can...I'll let Him"...is mantra, no more questions.
I'm standing with HP with hope while you continue to sweat this one out again. In time, with practice we arrive at acceptance only. With you on this with the rest of the MIP Family...you are not alone. Neither is your boy. (((((hugs)))))
Many prayers being sent your way and your sons way. I so definitely know how your feeling. Even though my son is in recovery.. I walk in fear which is a sin I am living with projection.. And have done all you have done for your son and even to this day.. I can not just let go.. But I know hearing from my son I have too.. Just like your son said to you.. You are not alone.. I am right next to you.. And we will find our strength from our higher power.. God bless..
I'm sorry you're in so much pain right now. You've been doing great with recovery. I hope with the help of a loving hp, your son finds his way soon. Hugs! TT
__________________
Surround yourself with people and elements that support your destiny, not just your history.
Cathy, One of the strongest "hearings" I had when I read your post, was love from your son to you. You showed him your love through you being you, and now he is doing the same for you, despite his disease. Hang on...we are here.
I'm at work and starting a new week. I have listened and heard so much great ESH here I will never be able to repay the gratitude I feel right now. Without Al-anon and MIP I would have not survived. I have a long road ahead and do not know what will happen in the coming weeks with my son but I do know I ( ME ) has to pray to God to show me the way I must go. To give me the strength to understand my participation in this journey I am on. To detach and love my son, continue to give him over. Raise him up to God. To give him kind and gentle understanding as he go's though this.
It still hurts but I will overcome
Have a blessed week my friends
__________________
Lord, put your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth
Speak only when you feel that your words are better than your silence.
